Earlier this week I received an anonymous comment. And it made me think.
Anonymous comments tend to make bloggers shudder, because they are usually accompanied by snide or mean words. I don’t really think this comment qualified as either snide or mean, but here is what it said:
“You're so lucky to even be married, or to even have a child. I have neither. I hope you realized how blessed you truly are.”
And I felt a little bit sucker-punched, not because of anything she said (I’m assuming it was a she) – I felt a little deflated because I recognized that sentiment.
It’s something I used to think all the time. That “she doesn’t even know how lucky she is, she has no right to complain about anything” thought (not saying this is necessarily what you were thinking, Anonymous, but it is what immediately popped into my head).
And you know what, I’m not even going to say those thoughts were necessarily incorrect. It’s quite possible that a lot of the people I thought those things about didn’t realize how blessed they were (though, now I’ve realized, who am I to really judge that?). And who really does have a right to complain about anything?
But somewhere along the line, I think I started to get over it. Because as the old adage says, “Life isn’t fair”. And it will never seem fair.
But on the other hand, I don’t think any human can really be the judge of fairness.
Someone may have a lot of things going for them, but it doesn’t seem like it when they have a strong desire to be married and are still single. And maybe you can’t understand that until you’ve been in that position.
Someone may be married, but it doesn’t make the longing for a child you can’t have any easier. And maybe you can’t understand that until you’ve walked that road.
Someone may have a great husband and one (or more) wonderful children already, but it’s still very hard to want another baby so badly when they just aren’t coming along. And maybe you can’t understand that until you’ve experienced it.
I might look at someone who gets pregnant “every time their husband looks at them”, when they aren’t even trying, and I might think they don’t even understand the difficult road they will never have to walk down.
But you know what? Everyone has something that someone else in the world wants. But everyone also has their cross that they’ve been called to bear.
Some crosses seem lighter than others. Some probably are lighter than others. But no one’s life is perfect, even if they seem to get everything you want without any effort.
And you know . . . I wouldn’t trade my burden for anyone else’s. Even the ones that seem to be lighter. Because it’s hard to judge that until you’ve had to carry the burden yourself.
So even though I still get a pang in my heart when I see someone get pregnant so easily – it’s not like it used to be. Because I think I understand this a little better. Somehow I think if we could have a conversation with God about why “so and so” gets all the things we want without enduring what we have had to go through, He would say the same thing that He said when Peter had questions about John’s road: “What is that to you? . . . You follow Me.” (John 21:22)
As Aslan says in the Chronicles of Narnia – “No one is told any story but their own”.
I’m pretty sure that this was just a hit-and-run type comment, because I would hope those of you who have been reading a while know how much I do appreciate what I have in Derek and Wyatt. Even through our trying to conceive baby #2, there were so many times I wrote in my personal journal that even if I never had another baby, I’d be okay, because I have my baby boy, and he is more than I could ask for.
I can’t say I’m sorry to get the comment though. Because every night when I lay Wyatt down to sleep, and kiss his sweet face, I think of what a gift he is and I breathe a prayer of thanks. Every time I sit down with my mental prayer list, I remember my friends who are still longing for even one child, and my heart aches. Every time I think of those I know who so want to be married and have a family, but haven’t found their soulmate yet, I hold my husband a little tighter.
It was good to be reminded again that other people don’t always just have what I want – I have what other people want too. I’m just sorry that anything about my family or what I wrote would cause someone pain. Because I think it was clear that Anonymous was in pain.
And whoever you are, know that after reading your comment, I said a prayer for you, first that you would know a relationship with Jesus . . . and also that He would give you all that your heart desires. Because I’ve been there too.
And to respond to the original question: yes, I do know how incredibly blessed I am. I have known it since before I even had my husband, or my son, or any of the things I have now.
I think about it every single day.