Your Husband Isn't Your College Roommate (And 4 Other Things I Never Knew About Marriage) | A Guest Post


Your Husband Isn't Your College Roommate, And Four Other Things I Never Knew About Marriage | Through Clouded Glass



Cards on the table: I don’t write this post as a sage, old, married woman. My husband and I are inching closer to our three year anniversary; a lifetime to go and countless lessons more to learn. Even still, if you’ve been married for over 24 hours you’ll know that this sacred union isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s downright hard. Difficult. Devastating. Sometimes marriage drives you to consuming a tub of ice cream alone on your couch, watching Love, Actually and wondering, “Why doesn’t he act like that?” (A purely hypothetical situation, you understand.)






Your Husband Isn't Your College Roommate, And Four Other Things I Never Knew About Marriage | Through Clouded Glass



For us it only took a few weeks, and one surprise positive pregnancy test, to realize that marriage doesn’t mess around.


These five things in particular most surprised me about wedded bliss.


Your Husband Isn’t Your College Roommate
It took me over two years to recognize that I’ve been wanting out of my husband what I got from my female roommates. I want him to indulge in 2am heart-to-hearts and write cute notes on my door and bake cookies for our neighbors. I want him to gush with me. I want novel-length text messages exploring every angle of my feelings. Obviously, this expectation is a flawed one. My husband isn’t my college bestie. Nor should I want him to be. College roommates are great, but an apartment lease isn’t as binding as a marriage certificate. The role of husband is meant to last for better, for worse. I need a husband for the long haul, someone who will strengthen my weaknesses. Someone who can weather the storms of life with me. Your husband won’t replace your girlfriends, but his job is vastly different from theirs.

Your Husband Isn't Your College Roommate, And Four Other Things I Never Knew About Marriage | Through Clouded Glass


Marriage Isn’t One, Long, Glorified Date Night

Your wedding day is billed as the height of every lovey-dovey oopey-goopey emotion you’ve ever felt. And leading up to that magical day, your romance has largely been made up of creative dates and spontaneous bursts of affection. But reality settles in as quickly as you unpack those honeymoon bags. Cars breakdown. Layoffs occur. School starts back. Life happens. It’s easy to commit to forever when roses and candles are involved, but what about committing to forever over burnt dinners and buzzing dryers? Marriage is about staying in love in the thick of it. 

Sometimes You’ll Feel Lonely

Life together isn’t a cure-all for loneliness. During our honeymoon, Ben’s seminary semester began. For the first two years of our marriage, he worked full-time, went to school full-time, and was heavily involved in ministry at our church. I had a demanding job at a busy marketing agency. Even though we slept in the same bed, oftentimes we only saw each other through half-open, sleepy eyelids. I assumed marriage would be nights on the couch, drinking coffee, and kindling our passion for each other. Not quite. It was easy to look at Ben’s hectic schedule and wonder where I fit in. Loneliness wasn’t an unsolvable problem, though. We learned to fight for our marriage. To make the most of time together, to stay connected in the midst of hustle. 

Your Husband Isn't Your College Roommate, And Four Other Things I Never Knew About Marriage | Through Clouded Glass

Sometimes You’ll Feel Trapped

One of those early days as a new wife, I was jarred to find myself feeling trapped. Our small town felt suffocating. Our unexpected pregnancy was daunting. Forever started to seem like a very long time. I’m the sort of person who loves future possibilities. Slowly watching future possibilities fade away (even though due to wonderful, happy decisions I had made) was scary. After seeking the Lord, talking openly and honestly with Ben, and reminding myself of helpful premarital counseling wisdom, I began to feel less trapped and more free to thrive in my new life. I’m not so naive as to think that I’ll never feel trapped again in my marriage, but it’s comforting to know that the Lord has the solution. He created marriage and He created the mechanisms to make it work. Namely, seeking first Christ and His glory. Then thinking more about your spouse than yourself. And when that formula works both ways, marriage becomes a beautiful catalyst for growth, enrichment, and joy.

Marriage Is Better Than You Could Have Imagined

I’d be remiss if I didn’t write a few lines about how amazing marriage is. Despite expected challenges most every couple faces, I still think being a wife is one of the most spectacular positions ever. Our romance has deepened more than I ever imagined with each passing month. I look at Ben and am amazed I can love one person this much. He has made me a wife, a mother, and has been the number one best influence on my life. I love collecting inside jokes and stories as we do life together. I love welcoming him home at the end of a long day. I love making a home that he lives in. Marriage certainly hasn’t been easy, but has anything easy ever been rewarding? We love chatting with newly engaged couples, telling them that, “Marriage comes highly recommended.” From our experience, it certainly does. God designed the union between a man and a woman to promote human flourishing and, when submitting to God’s way of doing things, humans certainly will flourish.

Your Husband Isn't Your College Roommate, And Four Other Things I Never Knew About Marriage | Through Clouded Glass












Victoria is the wife to Ben, mom to Carson and Nora, and restless until she finds her rest in Christ. Her daily work may look a bit varied - SAHM, blogger, virtual assistant, and birth doula - but she finds each role is tied together by a common thread of encouraging and nurturing others. Victoria enjoys perfect lattes, long walks with good friends, and Nutella - lots and lots of Nutella. The best place to keep in touch with Victoria, and read her writings, is via her website.











All The Things I Never Knew - A Guest Post Series | Through Clouded Glass
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1 comment

  1. Thanks for the opportunity to share, Callie :) Hope you're enjoying sweet baby snuggles!!!

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