Conflict In Marriage - Don't Worry It's Normal

Derek and I have our disagreements; I am secure enough in our relationship to admit this. I would say we are still in the honeymoon stage of our marriage in some respects, but in others we are slowly working our way out of that stage. A marriage must eventually leave the honeymoon phase just in the natural course of growth, and with that sometimes comes conflict (well, not sometimes; I would say almost always). I think there are probably those newly married couples out there who will say that they have never had an argument or disagreement. Pardon me for being frank, but I think if they truly have never had an argument, then they are either still in their honeymoon phase or one or the other of them must be playing the doormat.

It doesn't matter if your living with your immediate family, your husband, a roommate - when two human being are coexisting in the same house there are going to be annoyances. Whether they choose to adress those problems is up to them, but if they are truly honest with themselves they will admit that they do not always have warm fuzzy feelings toward those with whom they share a house. Human beings are innately sinful and selfish, and no matter how hard you try you won't find someone who does everything exactly the way you like it.

And you know what, I think that's okay. Surely we should try to minimize conflict, and ignore the little things, but when a significant concern presents itself it should be addressed; in fact, I would say that to not address it would be unhealthy for the marriage.

I like the way my pastor says it; "The depth of any relationship is not determined by the abscence of conflict, but by the level of conflict you are willing to journey through together." It's okay to have conflict within a marriage - just because there is conflict does not mean that you don't have a good marriage, or that your marriage is falling apart. I know even in the midst of the worst argument that my marriage is secure, because Derek and I are willing to do whatever it takes to work it out and journey through that conflict together - and in the end it makes our marriage stronger, and we are closer as a couple because we understand each other better.

As with so many things, if there is no struggle there is no growth or strength - but if you can make it through the struggles together, your relationship will be stronger and deeper than it could ever be if there was no difficulties at all.
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Heather @ Simple Wives said...

Hello! Just stumbled on your blog. Love your pictures!

Brittney Galloway said...

Great post! I agree with what you said, especially how we should minimize conflict, but not be all broken if there is some.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you completely! My pastor has also said something similar to that! Can't remember his exact wording right now, but I wrote it down :)

Katie Spinks said...

Hey there thanks for the comment on my blog its nice to know people actually read my blog and so cool that you "found" my blog I will continue to ready yours.... I agree that marriage takes work and arguments I think are healthy as long as in the end you both remember to keep God center and your love next... your commitment and love to each other will help you get through the toughest arguments...

Jessica said...

I'm glad you found my sounds like we have a lot in common, and I'm interested to keep tabs on your blog too! Just out of curiosity, what day did you get married? I noticed your little timer/counter thing on your blog said you've been married for 8 months. My husband and I have been married exactly 8 months today, our wedding was on July 12, so we must have gotten married around the same time as you and your husband :-)

This post was so true. I think that if a couple never has arguments then either they are fooling themselves, or they don't spend any time together! My husband and I have our disagreements, but I think working through them just brings us closer together :-)

Sorry to leave the longest comment ever! lol

Jenene said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog; I had no idea so many people had so much to say about homeschooling!

My husband and I have also been married for nearly eight months, and sure, we have conflicts, but I agree that they are a normal, even healthy part of marriage, and working through them makes the marriage stronger.

I was wondering though: do you think it's possible to have the occasional conflict, and still be in the honeymoon stage?

Callie said...

Jessica: Yes, we got married on July 12th too! How funny! And don't worry, if I recall I left a rather long coment on your blog too! :o)

Jenene: Well, I think it is possible, because Derek and I had an argument or two before we were married when we were in our most lovey-dovey stage. So I think it's possible to still be in the honeymoon stage but have arguments, because if the honeymoon stage ends after the first argument, then ours ended before we were even married! Depends on the meaning of "honeymoon stage" I guess. I suppose I consider that we're still sort of in our honeymoon stage because we're still so newly married - but we're kind of not in that we've relized that the other person isn't perfect, and are choosing to love each other anyway.
I don't know, confusing answer! But that is a good point!

Jessica said...

That's so funny that we got married on the same day! And yes, that's fine if you start a book list. Have a great evening :-)

Jenene said...

Yeah, I guess it's a dizzying thought. And if the honeymoon stage ends at the first fight as a married couple, then it ended ON our honeymoon!

So I would say that Art and I are still in the honeymoon stage. And we got married on July 19!

I also added YOU to MY list so I can follow YOUR blog!

Kara @ Just1Step said...

Great post Callie. :) I totally agree with everything you've said. And things are so much better when you are in a strong Christian marriage. You know that your spouse views marriage the same way you a lifelong covenant with God.

Thanks so much for your comment on my blog and for letting me know you enjoy it!! That definitely made me feel good. I'm going to add you to the blogs I follow. :)

God bless!

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