That Little Kid Inside

I had my birthday recently, and I find myself another year older. Weird how that happens, right? Because I've been thinking, I really don't feel any older.

Growing up, I always had this idea in my head of how I would feel when I reach the age I am now. And I really don't feel the way I thought I would. In many ways, I think I still feel like a kid.

I'm definitely an adult. I'm responsible. I have a career, a husband, a baby. I pay my bills and manage my money like an adult would. I act like an adult should act (at least most of the time). But internally, I don't feel that different from when I was a teenager. Am I the only one who feels like that?

See, I think I had this idea that when I was an "adult" I would just know things. I would know what to do in any given situation, I'd make decisions confidently, and I would always just know it was the right thing.

I had a conversation about this with Derek and with my mom, and we all agreed - you might never just know. In fact, you probably won't.

My mom even informed me that I'm still in the "know-it-all" stage of life (as are most of you - so don't be nodding your head at me, because all of us 20-somethings are in the same boat). You know that saying "The older I get, the less I know"? Apparently somewhere from 30-40 years of age, you're hit with the realization that you don't know as much as you thought you did. And I believe my mom when she says that, because I've not only heard it from her but from many other people.

And here I feel like I should know more now. Maybe that's the difference. Right now I feel like I should know more, but when I'm 30-something I'll realize that I don't and won't know everything.

I still ask my mom or Derek what they think I should do about certain situations. I still feel a little nervous when dealing with something I'm not familiar with. I still struggle with making some decisions.

But the sign of an adult isn't necessarily that you know what to do about everything. You'll never be done asking for advice (at least if you're a wise person you won't ever be done asking for advice).

I guess you probably know you're an adult when you act in ways that responsible adults would act, even if you still feel like a kid on the inside. And you really know you're an adult when you realize you know less than you thought you did.

Confusing, isn't it?

If I ever figure it out, I'll let you know.




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Amanda said...

I actually blogged about this last year. (http://amandanathan.blogspot.com/2010/03/are-you-grownup.html)

I feel like I grew up a lot from 18-21, but 21-24 hasn't been as much of a change. I definitely don't feel like an adult yet.

Dove of Snow said...

I can identify with you 100%! I don't know how many times in the past couple years I've told people, even "random" people I chat with as I go through life, how strange it is that I'm 24, 25, 26, about to be 27 . . . . and that I don't feel "older" like I thought I would. Some days I wake up and my back hurts. Then I know I'm older LOL. But most of the time, I still feel like I should really be more like 21! 6 years younger, you know? It's hard to grasp because the "little kid inside of me" is still very young at heart. And honestly, I wouldn't change that. :)

Melanie said...

LOL I know what you mean..I'm in my early 30s and have come to realize (especially after having a baby) that I definately DON'T know everything! I think we all keep a little bit of that kid inside of us..its a good thing though cause we need a little fun in our lives!

Anonymous said...

Interesting and fun to read. I'm getting close to 40 and sadly I don't feel like a kid anymore. I don't feel like I know everything either. It's totally settled in that I'm a adult, wife, mom, banker ... boo. I want to be a kid again!

Lauren said...

This post honestly makes so much sense...I still feel like a teenager who doesn't have a clue about so many things! Of course I think part of the "being an adult" piece is that we aren't afraid to ask questions when we just don't know.

Anne said...

Sometimes I laugh with my husband and tell him I don't feel mature enough to be "a wife!" Yes, after nearly three years of marriage, I still feel like a kid inside sometimes. ...I'm not sure this is always such a bad thing. :)

Ashley said...

I totally agree too - and I don't think us twenty-somethings always realise it, like you said... we figure we have everything figured out. Sometimes I think I had more figured out when I was a kid... hm. But all in all, it's a comfort to know that if we have our sight fixed on Jesus, the rest of our life will fall into place (not to say we'll have a perfect life with nothing going wrong), but we'll be on the right path and God will lead us and teach us as we go! :) So, if we know that Christ is Lord and know that we need to be fixed on Him, the rest of the "knowings" don't really matter. He is the most important thing {person} we need to know! :)

cait said...

haha...well put! There are days as a teacher when I think, "I am WAY too young and immature to be in charge of 20 something little bodies." ha! The difference I've found with myself at this stage (20 something) than in my teens is that I'm okay with realizing I'm wrong or need advice at this stage. Whereas in my teens, I was a know-it-all and wasn't accepting of the fact I could be wrong. I guess that makes sense... ;)

Katie said...

I think this sometimes too! I especially don't feel old enough to be a mom most days. I think it is starting to hit me with becoming a mom how much I really don't know...and that it is okay that I don't know!

Jessica and Stephan said...

I still feel like a kid too, and I think its important you don't lose that excitement for life!

Jennifer said...

I know what you mean! I feel the same way.

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