Starting A Friendship


So my posts about friendship are going to be in a do/don’t format, since these are my friendship “tips”.  As the button says, I am an average girl, and I’m not pretending to be an expert on friendship.  But aren’t average people the ones who are out there making friends?  Sure they are!  So the following are just a few things that have worked for me in making new friends, and I’d love to hear if you had anything to add to my (rather brief) list.  Write a post and link-up, or comment below and tell me what you think!


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Without further ado . . . my tips (suggestions?) on making friends.

1. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to say hello.

Someone has to make the first move, and why shouldn’t it be you? This is something my mom taught me from a young age – back when I was in grade school. I was a bit shy as a kid, but she would spot a little girl she thought looked nice and give me a little nudge in her direction. As I grew older (and maybe as I got a little better at saying hi), she’d let me know if she saw or knew someone who didn’t know anyone else, or who she thought could use a friend. I owe a lot of my friendships to my mom’s “nudges”. And really, how hard is it to walk up to someone and introduce yourself? Okay, I take that back, it can be hard, but it doesn’t have to be. It just takes practice.

2. Do utilize social media.

If you can’t make yourself physically walk over to someone and say hi, “friend” them on Facebook (make sure they know who you are first). But for pity’s sake, don’t stop there! Being a Facebook friend will not lead to developing a real-life friendship unless you make things happen. After you “friend” them on Facebook, send them a message saying hello, and invite them to coffee. Social media can be a good tool for developing real-life friendships, if you use it right. I’ve made several friends this way, and reconnected with old friends this way too. But it won’t just happen – it does take effort. Don’t expect Facebook to do all the work for you, because you’ll be waiting a while.

3. Don’t only talk about yourself.

This applies when making new friends, and when talking with an existing friend. I have been guilty of breaking this one – there have been times when I got together with one of my friends, and I left feeling like I did too much of the talking. I’ve also been on the other side of it in the past, and it’s harder to feel a connection with someone if you don’t get to do any of the talking. If you notice yourself talking too much about yourself and not enough about the other person, make a concerted effort to make sure the other person does more of the talking next time.


And I’ll end there this time, because it’s a nice segue into next week’s tips (which incidentally are mostly about making conversation).

What do you think? Do you have any do’s/don’ts when it comes to initiating a friendship?


The link-up has officially started, so if you have anything to say on friendship topics, check out this post, grab the button, write something up, and link-up your thoughts below!

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Unknown said...

Great tips! My dad & now my husband always says, to get people to talk to you, ask about them! People love to talk about themselfs!

Tatiana said...

Being an extrovert I don't have a really hard time making friends. It's the staying in contact with them and spending time with them away from the social media that I often struggle with. Those are great tips Callie

Mrs. G said...

Focusing on the other person in your conversation and asking her questions about herself can help the other person see that you're truly interested in her. It's sometimes tough, especially in the age of Facebook statuses, but totally worth it. Thanks for this series! It's a good reminder of the basics of friendship.

LeAnna said...

Great post! I like #3, but sometimes that's a tough one. Some people are just not big talkers in general, and will be perfectly happy letting you do all the talking. This can in turn make you feel like you're the only one putting forth effort in a friendship. But that just has a lot to do with individual personalities. Dialog really is everything. Some of my favorite conversations are with friends who aren't afraid to interject, but don't mind when I do the same. It really shows that the other is listening.

As far as initiating friendships, something I've learned (the hard way) is not to over share right up front. I'm a what you see is what you get kind of girl, but a lot of people are NOT that way, you have to dig a little deeper to get to know them. Also, something I wish somebody, (anybody!) would have told me at some point in my teenage years: not everyone is going to be your friend and that is perfectly OKAY! I've met some sweet ladies who I wanted so badly to "click" with, but it just didn't happen. And it doesn't mean either of us were horrible people, we just didn't click. In life we have buddies and we have friends. Some people are friend people, some people are buddy people. "Friend" people don't usually get really close to "buddy" people. And it's a-ok.

Mrs. Pancakes said...

On that note...hello my name is mrs. Pancakes..nice to
Have met you:-) awesome tips!

Tiffany @ Austin Family Diary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tiffany @ Austin Family Diary said...

Callie-- Thanks for starting the link up! Such a great series, I can't wait to read the rest of the posts.

Kate Craig said...

I'm really glad you're doing this! I'm not linking up because I don't have much to add, ha! But I love hearing from the experience of others

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