It Is Not The Same

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If I had to pick one thing to tell moms who are expecting their second baby, I would say don't expect things to be the same with your second baby as they were with your first. 

I think most moms kind of have a handle on the idea that their second baby might be different from the first in a general sense.  They know their children might not have the same sleep habits, eating habits, personality, etc.   But I think one area where this can take moms by surprise is how they feel right after their baby is born (stick with me here).

If you were at all like me, that moment when you met your first child face-to-face lives in your memory as one of the most powerful moments of your life.  Looking at that sweet baby that you carried nine months and realizing that they are all yours - and you are responsible for their little life.  It's exciting.  It's scary.  It's new.  It's overwhelming, that rush of love and emotion that you feel.  I think some moms expect that same exact rush of emotions with the second.

In some ways, it is the same way when you meet your second child for the first time.  It is still one of the most powerful moments in your life.  The love still rushes over you.  But it's not exactly the same.  With the second, you aren't as scared.  With the second, bringing home your baby is no longer an entirely new thought - you've done this before.  You know what you are doing now.  It will be a different mix of emotions.

Will your second baby change you?  Absolutely, but not in exactly the same way as your first.  They'll change you in a different way than any subsequent babies as well.  Every child will be a little different, and that's a good thing.  It keeps you growing.

When you met your first baby, you were a brand-new mom, still trying to figure out what that meant - now you are already a mother.  You are more comfortable with this whole process.  It is different because of it, but it is no less beautiful.  

Don't put expectations on those first moments based on your experience with your first.  Meeting each new baby is a unique and powerful experience in it's own way - appreciate each first moment for what it is without the comparison.   Every time you first lay eyes on your child is indescribably and equally special.  Treasure it.
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Vanessa Miller said...

You're right. While it is something you already know, it is still special and different! Meeting my son and these first few months have been very different from my daughter.

Jessica Speigel said...

Makes me sad to think this. I know it, and knew it before reading your blog on it, but it makes me sad. My relationship with my husband has grown and gotten so much better, I have grown as a person and with this birth I will have family around that I didn't have with my first. It hurts my heart for my first because I feel like baby 2 will have a better start. And I know that can be a common feeling for moms working on baby two and probably should be since your first baby is the one that teaches you most things, and of course three years longer to bond with your spouse is something that is going to grow the both of you. It is still a hard thing to wrap my head around. Thank your for the blog though, let's me know I am not having completely crazy pre-thoughts.

Callie Nicole said...

Oh, don't let it make you sad! It's just different because your first changed you into a mother, and you don't have that same change ahead of you with the second. It's not bad for the first baby because the fact that they change and grow you like that is so special! And it's not bad for the second because then you have an opportunity to grow in your mothering skills. :-) They are all special, just not exactly the same.

Jen said...

Hi Callie! I've visited your blog before via LeAnna and Emily, but it's been a long time. My blogging career has been hit-and-miss...but mostly miss. :) I'm really excited to read this series, since so many things you shared ministered to my Momma-of-two heart. What Jessica ^^^ shared resonates with me, too. I worried that my oldest was such a terror (and my youngest so sweet) because I had ruined her in my crash course of being a new mom. But they really are two very different people, and they always will be. I'm still learning how to manage two polar opposites, but the Lord has truly been gracious to me in showing my girls grace! :)
Siblings (especially sisters) have a hard enough time not comparing themselves to one another, even if the parents don't. They certainly don't need me doing it for them. :)

Anonymous said...

I liked reading this because I wonder how things will be the second time around (now that I am just experiencing everything with a first)

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