When Your Marriage Needs A Little TLC (With Grit & Grace)

(One of my favorite pictures ever of Derek and me, taken at our maternity session with Clarice.  Derek thought the pose was awkward, so he stuck his nose into my cheek and sniffed, which made me crack up laughing.  We are that couple.  Also, you see where Clarice gets her nose-scrunching.)

Last week I admitted that I watch the Bachelor, and I told you the main reason why.  Do you want to know one of the secondary reasons? All that ooshy-gooshy stuff reminds me of the days when Derek and I were the ones with the shining eyes that go along with young love.

Things change in a relationship the longer you are married.  It's not a bad thing, because that fragile early love deepens into the tenacious kind that will hang on through the bumpy stretches of road.  The stars don't remain in your eyes indefinitely, and it's a mistake to expect for things to always be as exciting as the honeymoon stage. But the longer I'm married the more I realize that to keep things from getting too routine, it's good to give the stars a little revival now and then.

After an argument the other night (we aren't perfect people by any stretch, especially me), I realized that between adding a new baby, a touch of postpartum depression, and a big house project on the horizon (more on that soon), I have not been giving our marriage the TLC that I should.  The truth is, I am married to a good man, but I forget to show Derek in tangible ways that I know I am blessed to have snagged him.  

My one goal for March is to do something each day this month that makes my husband happy.

Creatively focusing on different ways to make my husband happy is just the TLC we need (and I'm talking about little things, people, not grandiose gestures a la The Bachelor).  Every marriage has it's ups and downs, and learning more about your spouse and doing little things to make their life easier each day can give your relationship that extra boost (and maybe even bring the starry eyes back for a bit).  I'm pretty sure doing specific things that I know will make Derek happier will also make me happy, so it's a win win.

I have never read the Five Love Languages, but I have read enough to know what they are, and I have a hard time nailing down Derek's love language (or mine).  I think he really has a combination of several love languages, and I need to come up with a variety of things to convey to him that I know how lucky I am to have him.

First on the list is chocolate chip cookies, because I know he loves those.

I have decided to go through The Husband Project to help me in thinking of things to do for my man. This book was big a few years ago, but I never worked through the whole thing, and I thought now would be a good time to give it a try.  It includes 21 days of ideas for things you can do for your husband, and this month I would like to work through each of these "projects".   The point of this is to do it in secret, without calling attention to all my good works!  I love that the books suggests not letting your husband know what you are up to, because it's just more fun that way.  (If anyone wants to join, shoot me an email!  We can be accountability partners.)

It was fitting that on the Bachelor this week, Lauren and Ben were talking about how they both feel like the other is too good for them.  I think most of us feel that way when we are dating, but life gets busy and it's easy to forget to show our spouse that we still think they are pretty great.  Showing them that you still think they are a catch means even more now, since you've seen the good, bad, and ugly after a few years of marriage!  

It's a good thing in a marriage to make your spouse always feel like you know you are lucky to have them.  I'm hoping at the end of the month if Derek were polled, he'd have a whole list of little things I do that make him happy!  That's my March goal.

(Also, we met nine years ago this month.  Nine years!  I can't believe it's been that long.)

What do you do when you realize your marriage needs a little extra attention?


How Did Last Month Go?

I also wanted to give a little update on my goal for last month, which was to develop a daily routine.  Yeah.  I still don't feel like we have a routine, but the kids are waking up at a more consistent hour, and I have worked out (almost) every day for the last two weeks, so we have some improvement!  I would like to continue to work on our routine through March.

I'm also linking up with Elizabeth's B+ Goals.


Now, on to the link-up! Share your goals for March in a blog post and link it up below!

Welcome to With Grit & Grace  – a monthly goal link-up focused on supporting each other as we work towards our goals! Please join us on the first Wednesday of each month at 7:00 a.m. EST to share your goals and progress for the week, month, or year. We are all about building a positive community; please remember to read, comment, and share the posts of others – and let them know you found them at With Grit & Grace!
Just a reminder…
  • All forms of goal posts are welcome. They can be for a specific area in your life, or your general goals for the day, week, month, or year. We love to hear updates on your progress, too.
  • Make sure to use the URL specific to your post and not your blog’s home page.
  • Link back to With Grit & Grace with our button or link in your post or party page.
  • Comment on the post prior to yours in the link-up. Support others through comments and shares – don’t forget to tell them you found them at With Grit & Grace.
  • By linking up, you give us permission to feature an image on our blog and social media. Proper credit and links will be given.
  • Join in on social media with: #withgritandgrace.
  • We want to support you! Please follow your hosts in some way.
    -Keri at Living In This Season
    -Emily at Morning Motivated Mom
    -Christina at Waltzing In Beauty
    -Callie (me!) at Through Clouded Glass

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Laura @ Life is Beautiful said...

Good stuff, Callie!! We're expecting our baby in August and we've already seen how even just pregnancy (fatigue, nausea, going to bed earlier for me, etc.) has affected our marriage. I always want to be a wife that continually tries to make her husband happy! Thanks for the extra push!

Heather Pedersen said...

Loved this! I'm in the same boat. With two littles now, and we just put our house on the market, our marriage could use a little something extra. I'm off to check out the Husband Project. Sounds like something I would enjoy doing!

Callie Nicole said...

I'm so glad you are going to check it out! I think it will have a lot of good prompts!

Callie Nicole said...

Yes, the pregnancy fatigue can be so rough! It takes a little extra effort sometimes to remember to do those little extra things, especially when babies come into the picture! ;-) Exciting about your new little one! I hope the symptoms let up for you soon (almost out of the first trimester now, right?).

Emily said...

This is the greatest goal. I applaud you for setting back and making this your goal! It shows how much you value your husband and your marriage.

Tabitha Panariso said...

I love this and will be joining you. Thank you for the inspiration!

P. Jeanne said...

I LOVE this goal! Going on a date with my hubby is a recurring monthly goal for me but would LOVE to join you in this :-) P.S. I found you through the link up but already follow you and LOVED your bachelor post, totally agree and have the same guilty pleasure ;)

Brittney said...

What a great goal! It's easy to forget to actually make relationship goals. I can't wait to read about how it goes!

Natalie @ She Builds Her Home said...

I can totally relate to what you mean! It is hard to sometimes keep that spark, especially in those seasons of new little ones and life changes!! Good job holding yourself accountable to putting your husband at the top of your priorities and loving him well!!

Keri Snyder said...

Such a good goal- I really love this. I know what you mean- and it is so important to keep marriage as a priority. Thanks for this encouragement!

Callie Nicole said...

It is easy to forget about relationship goals, but it's important to maintain a good relationship! I have to remind myself of that too.

Callie Nicole said...

Yay, I am so glad that you want to join me! I'll send you an e-mail. :-)

Callie Nicole said...

Yay, I am so glad you will be joining me! I still owe you an email too, I'm going to work on that tonight while Derek pays the bills. ;-)

Callie Nicole said...

Thank you Emily!

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