A Letting Go Month

I stood outside the nursery window at church last week, staring at my baby girl's face and trying to determine if she was actually crying, or just about to.  My Bible study leader caught me looking and assured me I was doing the right thing, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't about to burst into tears right there.

We can't focus in church anymore because she's so noisy, and I know she'll grow to love going to "class".  Still, I turned to Derek and told him to buy me a coffee so I could drown my sorrows in caffeine, only half joking because it's hard to stay sad when you are drinking a mocha.  It's just the church nursery, but it's also the first real step my baby girl has taken away from me.  My last baby.  It was refreshing to take sermon notes unhindered, but I missed her the entire time.

Clarice has been growing so much this month, but she is still so little.  I can get away with putting her in some 3 month clothes still, and her feet are too tiny for even the smallest size I could find in white Easter shoes.  She is wearing a size 2 diaper.

Sleep has been horrendous lately, and I am starting to suspect that it's too cold in her living room corner.  She wakes up 1-4 times a night, and each morning as Derek leaves for work because there is nothing between her and the cold air from the front door.  Her things are stuffed into the space between her crib and her wall.  I am very much looking forward to moving her into her own room as we continue this house renovation! I painted her room last week and ordered a bookshelf to store her baby things.  

We started solids on Sunday after church, some oatmeal cereal mixed with formula.  We knew she was ready because she has been staring at us when we eat, while chewing on her tongue.  She made a face every time we stuffed a bite in her mouth, but then she smacked her lips and swallowed it down.  Nursing is still her favorite, but she finally started taking a bottle of formula from Daddy this month too.  I think it's nice for them to have some bonding time.

She has rolled over both ways, but she doesn't make a habit of it.  She doesn't particularly like her "baby city", a seat surrounded by toys.  She prefers to be held, and if she must be laid down on the couch or floor, she wants her siblings all around her, and she is content.  She sits for a few seconds if I sit behind her and balance her right between my legs.  Her "baby abs" are very strong though - she is constantly doing "crunches", trying to see everything that is going on around her.

Her newest thing is hanging her finger in the corner of her mouth and chewing on it, or sometimes she'll stick all four fingers in her mouth and hook them behind her gums while she smiles.  I think a  tooth will be showing it's face soon, and I'm going to miss her gummy, finger-y smile.

Her laugh is still the funniest thing I've ever heard.  How did one of my babies not learn to laugh?  All baby laughs sound a bit like a gurgle, but imagine a real, throaty gurgle - that is her laugh.  Every now and then she'll let out a loud, real giggle, but most of the time it's this hiss/gurgle.  It's about as cute as you can imagine.

She has been particularly snuggly as I write this on Monday morning, and I think it's because she wants to be as close to me as possible after that nursery situation, even though she handled it like a champ.  I, on the other hand, may still be traumatized, so I am taking all the snuggles I can get!


My Sweet Clarice,

This has been a month of letting go, even if it's just a little bit.  You started taking a bottle, you started in the nursery, and you started eating real food.  I can't believe how fast you are growing!  You still seem so tiny, but you are on your way to one year old.  My darling, I am loving every minute with you.  I still nurse you at night, and every time I pick you up from your crib you snuggle your face into my neck.  I don't even mind getting up with you, because the cuddles are so sweet.  I carry you around in a carrier sometimes when we go out.  You don't fuss because you can't see, you grab onto my shirt for dear life with both hands, like a little hug, and rest your cheek against me.  You can't slow this time down, and I guess neither can I, but boy, am I going to try!  I'm going to remember every little minute, and notice every little thing, and maybe it won't go by so fast.  I love you so much it hurts, my sweetheart.  Stay my teeny baby a while longer.

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Amanda Godin said...

Clarice and Sophia are doing all the same things! The sporadic sleep is the hardest part for me and I am so over it! It is so hard watching them grow up. Exciting, but also heart-wrenching!

Hannah M said...

Callie, this is just so sweet. Even though it's been a month of letting go, and it's oh so hard to do that sometimes, it sounds like it's also been a month of joy. There is nothing sweeter than having a little baby curled up to your neck and giving you little hugs with their tiny arms and hands. It is such a joy and privilege to be a mama to these tiny nuggets. Your kiddos are all blessed to have you as their mama and I know Clarice is so very thankful for you and the love you pour out on her.

Elizabeth Mayberry said...

This is so sweet! I love it!

Callie Nicole said...

Thank you Elizabeth!

Callie Nicole said...

Oh, Hannah, thank you for the encouragement!

Callie Nicole said...

Oh yes, the sporadic sleep! I keep holding out hope that she will start to sleep better once we have her in her own room. Fingers crossed!

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