Influences

(Note: I wrote this post a couple months ago, in the throws of my "social media detox", so to speak.  While it's still applicable today, I think I'm more at peace now with my unhealthy relationship with social media in the past and where I am now.  I thought I'd share this as a record of part of my process of stepping away from social media.)

One of the reasons I homeschool my kids is because I am concerned about what influences they have in their life.  I think everyone has some aspects of their personality built-in, but the ways those different personality traits actually come out depends a lot on the influences around us.

When it comes to homeschooling my kids, a huge benefit to me is that the person who has the most influence on them is going to be me - I'm the one who is with them day-in and day-out.  I don't have to rely on the teacher lottery and hope they get a good one that will be a positive influence on them - I get to be that influence, along with the other adults that Derek and I allow to play a role in their lives.  It's a huge blessing, but also a huge responsibility.

I also watch over what is influencing my kids in other ways, such as the books we read and the movies we watch.  I don't let them watch or read just anything, because I want whatever influence their media has over them to be in a positive direction, as much as I can.

I was thinking about this the other day and it occurred to me that I am so careful with the influences that are coming at my kids, but I haven't been so careful with the influences that I've allowed to come at myself for the past several years.  

How much have I been influenced by random people on Instagram to do certain things, buy certain things, think certain ways?  How much of that influence has been good, and how much has not been so positive?  In what subtle ways have social media influencers affected me negatively?

It's an overwhelming thing to think about, and I don't think it's really necessary to dissect everything I've ever done that has been influenced by something I saw online.   I'm trying not to do that, but it's difficult not to go there. 

For instance, do I really need those new trendy ankle boots I've been eyeing for a couple months?  I've put them in my cart multiple times, the cursor hovering over the checkout button, before a take a breath and close the window.  I have perfectly fine ankle boots that I like.  Who says I need this specific style of shoe?  Instagram fashion bloggers?  

Or there is that book that I've seen mentioned multiple places that looks interesting.  Should I try to grab it right off the presses to keep up with online book friends?  Or do I sit it out and wait for my library to come through, even though I'm the 134th person in line for it?  Do I really need to read it right away?   Is it any less interesting if I read it next year, when Thriftbooks has it for $4, instead of right now for $23? I may not be able to to talk to people online about it when it's popular, but does that actually matter?  I guarantee you if it's good, I'll have real-life friends I can convince to read it with me, and that discussion will be richer for being in person.

How many things have I felt like I "had to do" as a mom, just because other moms online were doing it? Things like themed birthday parties or specialized nursery decor.  Were those things even worth the money in the end, or would we all have been just as happy with a simpler, cheaper version?  

What about politics?  How much stress have I allowed into my life over other people's online political discussions, which are almost always fruitless anyway?   And even harder to think about, are there things that I should have stood up for that I didn't, because of online pressure?  Or are there times where I felt like I "did my part" by merely sharing something on social media, instead of taking the harder but actually impactful step of getting involved in my real life in some way?

I don't know how to answer those questions. What I do know is that since being off Instagram, I'm much more aware of what kind of influences I'm letting into my life.  It's just quiet enough in my mind now to see things clearly and make more directed choices.

I have not been as careful with online influences as I should have been.  Who we allow to influence us online matters.  And the most regret that I have when I consider social media is thinking about the ways I may have allowed certain "influencers" to make me into a less effective version of myself - as a consumer, as a wife, as a mom, as an American.  Maybe even as a Christian.  It's overwhelming when I think about it too hard.

All I know is that I am so thankful for God's grace in those moments when I get overwhelmed by my own failures.  Jesus is my Savior - He paid the penalty for my sin, including the hidden sins of the heart that I've become more aware of through all this extra time to think.  And as I pray for Him to make me wiser as to what influences I let in, I know He'll keep showing me the way I should go.