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Showing posts with label Digital Minimalism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Digital Minimalism. Show all posts
My year without an Instagram was 2021. In many ways it was the best year I have had in a while, without Instagram to distract me from my real life. We made memories, without the pressure of taking photos for social media. I learned new skills, because I had extra time. I didn’t stress about everything going on in the world, because it wasn’t constantly being pushed in my face from ten different angles. Derek even mentioned that I have seemed less anxious without Instagram.
Still, toward the end of last year I felt a pull to get back on Instagram for a minute, to see if I could find a better balance if I gave it one more try. So for the month of January (and very slightly in February) I’ve been using Instagram from my desktop, with an occasional foray into the iPad version of the app when I wanted to post a video or sporadic story. I started out thinking I would only post content that I had already published on my blog. I thought Instagram might be a nice way to reflect my blog in another space, and to interact with online friends who only have Instagram. These were done of my reasons for my little Instagram experiment.
It's been an extremely interesting experience being off Instagram for a solid year, and then getting back on. In so many ways I came back to the platform with fresh eyes. The first thing I thought is "Why am I following all these people?" and I cut my following list way down. I posted again for the first time in January with a great amount of suspicion and anxiety, and I think I realized a few things about Instagram that only this experience - being off for so long, and then briefly getting back on - could give me.
1. Instagram is built to keep you in the app as much as possible, mainly so they can collect data on you. Yes that personal data is not studied individually but is aggregated into a huge data sets, but they are still manipulating you with that information, and it's still creepy (read The Tyranny Of Big Tech by Josh Hawley for more on this). I knew all that before, but I noticed again how good they are at sucking you into the app for as much time as possible. I was surprised at how quickly the temptation to be on there way too much came back - and that without even having the app on my phone.
Unfortunately, my good intentions to limit my use are still no match for the addictive tricks the app plays on my brain. I think over the course of my year off Instagram, I got really used to NOT feeling the urge to check Instagram for feedback on my posts. It feels so good to NOT WANT to check Instagram, to not even have to think about it, but you don’t appreciate the absence of a bad habit until the temptation comes for you again. I was really surprised by how quickly that urge to check came back.
2. A lot of us end up changing our content (or even real-life choices and habits) in some way to optimize for Instagram. It was weird to feel anxious when I hit that "post" button, wondering if my post would even get shown to anyone because of that infuriating algorithm. Then I was alarmed to find myself strategizing how to help the next post do better, or share more of what was doing well. When did I agree to curate myself like that, to adjust the offering of my content to appease the Instagram "gods"? When I posted something on Instagram, especially at first, I ended up checking it every hour, just wondering if anybody commented or liked it. Then I started thinking about the next thing I should post, and it became this low hum of anxiety in the back of my mind, this pressure I put on myself to come up with something good for Instagram. And I found myself thinking often over the past couple months, do I really want this? Is this beneficial to my life? Am I doing any actual good on this platform? Is this platform doing any good for me?
3. Instagram content is all so…disposable. I was surprised to notice for the first time how quickly whatever I just shared became irrelevant - within 24 hours, it was done and past, gone, worthless. In many ways, Instagram makes our thoughts themselves seem disposable. Throw your thoughts out there, only to be buried beneath a bunch of other stuff, before we move on to planning the next post.
4. When it comes down to it, Instagram is just a bunch of people trying to be noticed. I shouldn't have been surprised to find myself in the same old rat race, once again becoming a part of the online crowds shouting, "Look at me! Give your attention to me! Make me feel important by clicking the like button!" I don't think everyone consciously seeks virtual affirmation on Instagram, but when it comes down to it, practically, that's what we are all kind of doing, isn't it? Getting back on and browsing around, I was secondhand embarrassed for some users that were clearly craving that digital affirmation, and then I realized with horror that I was basically doing the same thing! I hate feeling like the worth of my thoughts are tied up in how many people liked them, and I was embarrassed at myself when I found myself participating in all of it.
5. It's very difficult to keep my eyes on Christ when I'm on Instagram. I noticed some things happening in my heart that I didn't like almost immediately after dipping my toes back into Instagram. This week I finally finished a book from my longstanding TBR, 10 Arguments To Delete Your Social Media Accounts Right Now, and the last chapter happened to be comparing Big Tech to a religion. This book was written by someone I don't agree with on political or religious matters, a liberal I have nothing in common with except this interest in the insidiousness of Big Tech, but even this man can recognize there is an odd spiritual element to social media/Big Tech.
We like to think social media is spiritually neutral, but the thing is, I'm not so sure it is. Something that takes so much of our time and attention and information and effort is going to inevitably affect us spiritually in some way. It's probably not the same for all of us - for all I know some people may be impacted positively by their social media use - but for a whole bunch of us, I think we recognize there are negative aspects. It takes alot of wisdom and honesty to weigh those things rightly for yourself, to see things clearly, and to make the tough decisions where necessary.
While struggling with all this I came across this verse in Colossians:
If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.Colossians 3:1-4
It struck me to the heart because I know, deep down, that Instagram does not help me focus on heavenly things. It makes me focus on all the most shallow aspects of earthly things. Things such as likes, and follower counts, and how my hair looks in that video I just posted. Vain and meaningless as the wind.
If I am getting into a more worldly mindset just by using the platform, is the rare occasion where I may actually, maybe, point someone to Jesus worth my own spiritual health taking a hit? I don't know the answer to that. I wish that I could just resist the way Instagram puts my focus on myself, and keep my mind only on Christ, to post with a pure heart for His glory and not mine. But it’s too easy to make everything about myself, and I feel the failure acutely when I realize that's what I've done.
6. Finally, I realized I really don’t need Instagram. With all this swirling in my mind, I haven't posted anything on Instagram for most of the month of February (or my blog either for that matter - I needed a mental break), but when I scheduled last week's blog post to be shared on Instagram, from my desktop, I felt mostly indifferent about checking how it did. I don't view this so much as progress in my "relationship" to Instagram as evidence that I don't need Instagram.
When I'm active on Instagram, I hate the way it makes me feel.
If I can get myself to the point where I don't care about it so much (a healthier state for me), then what's the point in putting my effort there at all?
I guess I'm saying that I'm giving up Instagram again? I may keep my account to check in with my blog friends who I have no other way to keep in touch with, but I don't know how much I'll be posting there. I may share sporadic verses or quotes that stand out to me, or perhaps an occasional thought that I specifically feel led to share on Instagram, but I think that will be rather rare. There aren't many things that would be better suited to Instagram than for my blog. I will continue, as I have for the last 13 years, to share on the blog instead, and all personal updates will be here, not on Instagram.
As a sidenote, I wish I could nudge (ie. wrestle into acquiescence) all those friends who are only on Instagram to come back into the friendly waters of the good ol' blog world. Whatever is shared on Instagram can be shared on a blog. Blog feed readers, like Feedly (my favorite), still make it easy to see new posts without checking each individual blog. The blog world is still active, much less noisy and time-consuming than Instagram, with the same potential for online connection. Come on in, friends, the water's fine. Blogging may take a little more work than Instagram, but it's slower, it's calmer, and in my opinion healthier than the firehose that Instagram has become.
So there's my little state-of-the-social-media statement, and I'll be here on this blog, as always, my little haven on the internet.
It's been over six months since I gave up on Instagram, and in so many ways it's been the best decision I've made in years. In other ways it's been challenging. When people ask me if I'm ever going back, I say a solid "I don't know" with a leaning toward a "no". Since this is no longer a new decision, I've had time to let my emotions settle and really reflect honestly on what I miss and what I don't miss about Instagram. I thought I'd share some of those things with you today.
What I Miss
I miss keeping up with a few Instagram-only people.
There are a few online friends that really only post on Instagram these days, and I am sad that I don't have a good way to keep up with them or interact with them anymore. Occasionally I'll go to Instagram on my computer and type in a username of one of these people and see the limited posts that I can see publicly, but if it's a private account I'm out of luck. To me, this is an example of why it is a good thing to diversify your presence online. I understand that people have limited time, and some may feel that they only have time for producing content in one place online, but when that one platform is a closed platform, people who are not on that platform are not going to have the chance to see what you share. I'm in full support of double-posting Instagram posts onto a more open forum (like a blog). (Consider this my PSA to all my IG-only friends - consider double-posting, maybe? Blog posts don't have to be long!)
I miss being able to share things quickly.
Sometimes something funny or exciting happens, and I briefly miss the ability to share quickly with friends, family, and online friends. As I said above, I like the idea, in theory, of still sharing those short snippets on my blog, but I acknowledge that it will always be a little more involved to sit down at my computer and type up a post. On the other hand, there is a sense in which I think we all have gotten a little too accustomed to instant gratification when sharing online - instant, easy sharing, and instant, cheap feedback (ie. the like button). So maybe it's okay to re-train myself to let some things simmer a bit longer before blasting them out there online.
I miss being able to easily share photos with my family.
This, honestly, is the biggest drawback of giving up Facebook and Instagram for me. Those platforms make it so simple to share photos privately (sort of - except for the data collection from the platforms themselves) with the people in my life who really care to see them, and I have yet to find an alternative that I can keep up with consistently. The solution I am attempting right now is sharing photos of my kids on a private blog, just for my closest family members and friends. While functionally this is working okay, I find that I do miss the feedback in the form of comments. But at least they can still see the photos.
What I Do Not Miss
I do not miss the constant product bombardment.
Every time I would open the app and scroll down even just a few photos, there was someone trying to sell me something - either Instagram itself through ads, or an influencer through sponsored posts and affiliate links. As my forever favorite radio host, Rush Limbaugh, used to say, "there’s an entire industry out there designed to separate you from your money", and a monster of that industry is Facebook and Instagram. Even when you are aware of it, and try to avoid the temptation to shop based off products you saw on social media, it's hard to get away from it. Before I got off Instagram, it had gotten to the point where I had disabled my internet browser on my phone, just so I wouldn't be tempted to purchase something on a whim that I had seen on Instagram. Now that I am off Instagram, and away from the deluge of product placements, I find I make impulse purchases less often. I think critically about what I need for longer before I buy.
I do not miss online arguments and virtue-signaling.
I probably don't need to explain this. It's amazing how much less stress is in my life from eliminating these two things, via eliminating Instagram.
I do not miss having to worry about online privacy so much.
Whether and how much to share about my kids online is something I have struggled with for years, and I've landed in different places at different times. Right now I'm very much in a keep-my-kids-off-the-internet phase, but I can say that it has become easier to exercise wisdom about what to share without the emotional ties to the visual medium of Instagram playing such a big part. In addition, there is the culture of comparison and over-sharing that runs rampant on social media, and I have become much more critical-minded about that aspect of online sharing since I left the big platforms.
I do not miss the subtle ways I was measuring how well I was doing by how everyone else was doing.
We all do it, whether we are conscious of it or not. Maybe it's the flashy vacation that makes your modest camping trip feel sub-par. Maybe it's the magazine-worthy home decor that leaves you feeling like your more humble home needs a remodel. Maybe it's the flash of jealousy at all the quiet time that mom manages to find for herself, while you break up the third spat between the kids before 10:00 AM. Maybe it's comparing the number of followers or likes that makes you feel like you must not be doing something right.
I've been working on not comparing myself to others for years, and I thought I had achieved a nice equilibrium, but after detoxing from social media it has become obvious that I was still using others as a measuring stick way too much.
My life is my own, and it's not going to be exactly like anyone else's - it wasn't meant to be. I don't need to worry about how so-and-so is managing the things God has given to her - my job is to glorify God the best I can with what He has placed in my life right now, to lean on Him for wisdom and strength. Even when the day-to-day is not very fancy or Instagram-worthy.
As an aside, I specifically didn't realize how many things I was only doing so I'd have something photogenic to share on Instagram. When you realize you haven't felt the need to take a picture of your coffee cup in six months, you see how silly it all can become. (The coffee cup/phone photos I took for this post don't count!)
I do not miss getting impatient when I'm interrupted while on social media.
As a stay-at-home parent, I often escaped the hum-drum nature of my days with a little trip into the world of Instagram, and I can see now how snappy I could get with my kids when they jolted me out of it. Sometimes it was a question that I had to ask them to repeat because I wasn't really listening. Sometimes it was a "just a minute" when they asked me to read to them and I was busy typing up a caption. Sometimes it was just the internal annoyance when something went wrong, because there is that subconscious feeling of "why isn't fill-in-the-blank as easy as it looks on Instagram?" Some moms may not relate to any of that at all, but I think a lot of moms don't even realize the negative parenting and attitude patterns they've fallen into because of social media - I didn't realize it fully until I got off. My parenting has improved dramatically since I gave it all up, to the point where I am not sure it will ever be worth it to me to go back.
I do not miss the way social media was making me more self-centered.
It can happen in a variety of ways, but I've found as I've been off Instagram, it's become more obvious to me the little ways that Instagram made me focus on myself. There was that worrying about how I look in a picture, trying to think of something original or encouraging to say (mainly to get that ego boost in the form of likes), and the nagging feeling that I was "behind" somehow or not doing something as well as another girl. Being off Instagram has given me the opportunity to worry less about how I appear or whatever I'm doing, and focus on how others in my family are doing - what they are thinking, things they would like to do, ways I can serve them better. It's not that I never thought about those things before, I did, but it was a constant battle with the self-focus that Instagram encourages. Instagram makes narcissists of us all to varying degrees, and it's only when you've been off it for a while that you really start to see it.
I do not miss the way Instagram had become a barrier to my sanctification.
In case you didn't notice, several of the things I do not miss are actually sin issues in my own heart. Was it Instagram's fault that I was falling into sinful patterns? No, I don't blame social media necessarily. Some people may not struggle at all with the things I was dealing with because of social media. However, do I have a duty to eliminate things that have become stumbling blocks in my life, so that I can live worthy of my calling to holiness in Christ? Yes, that is the responsibility of every Christian.
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..." Hebrews 12:1-2.
While there were some rare accounts that I found to be a spiritual encouragement, the net result of Instagram and Facebook had become a weight and an entanglement for me. At the root, social media brings out the most selfish corner of my heart. Is this something that I still need to work on now that I'm off social media? It definitely is, and the fight against selfishness likely will be a work in progress for my whole life. But I will say I have more clarity about the ways the Lord is trying to sanctify me than I have in years, and it's easier now, without Instagram, to focus on the right things.
As for the negatives of being off Instagram, I am still mulling over those things and trying to figure out how important they are, or if there are alternative ways of accomplishing the same thing without addictive social media - because overall, the positives of being off are so much more significant and important to me. The small things I miss about Instagram can't outweigh all the benefits I am seeing from cutting it out of my life. I don't regret getting off Instagram, and while I don't know what will happen in the future, I am feeling really good about where things stand with me and social media right now.
The main thing I miss is connecting with all of you in a quicker way, so I am open to suggestions on that front!
As the end of February approaches, so does my two month anniversary of being off Instagram and Facebook. I've known that my social media habits had crossed over from benign to malignant for a while, but I hadn't realized all the different ways Instagram affected me before. Do I have more time now that I am disconnected from mainstream social media? Sure, but there are other differences I've noticed. I'm sharing some of those changes I've noticed today.
1) I spend less money.
Intellectually, I knew that Instagram and Facebook were affecting the way I spent my money. Targeted advertisements are the bread and butter of Facebook/Instagram, and they are called targeted advertisements for a reason - they are tailor-made to what users would be most interested in buying. The algorithms are serious business and scarily accurate. I have definitely clicked through on too many Instagram ads in my time.
However, I hadn't thought about the other ways that Instagram affected how I spent my money. For one thing, influencer culture is mainly about influencing others to buy things - whether explicitly through sponsored posts, or subtly through aspirational, visually appealing posts. In fact, creating posts on Instagram sometimes led me to buying because I knew something would look pretty for an Instagram photo. Even seeing regular posts from friends and noticing a cute new clothing item someone was wearing, or hearing someone talk about a product that they were loving - all those things have influenced my buying choices whether I realized it at the time or not.
It's only now that I've been off Instagram for a while that I've realized how much less often I have to deal with the urge to buy something. I never thought I struggled with the fear of missing out, but I think the trick of Instagram and Facebook algorithms is figuring out how to find each person's particular brand of FOMO. And somehow they found mine without my seeing it. Being off Instagram, and away from all those influences, has helped me be much more content with the things I have.
2) I am a better parent.
This might be a bold statement, and I don't want anyone else to take it personally - I'm not saying that you are necessarily a worse parent for being on Instagram. I am saying that how social media is affecting our parenting is an area worth considering.
I don't think when I first joined (or rejoined) Facebook and Instagram as a young mom in 2012 that it necessarily affected my parenting negatively. But as time went on, Facebook and Instagram both grew into a whole other beast, in such a gradual way that I didn't realize what it was doing to my relationship with my kids until it had become a problem. In the last couple years I've found myself using Instagram as an escape when I was having a particularly difficult or boring moment as a mom, and as a result I was less present with my kids.
Since being off Instagram (and Facebook), and in fact removing them as an option for me altogether, it's as if I've received a fresh dose of perspective and attention that I didn't know I could have.
Instead of pulling out my phone while my child works through a worksheet or flashcards, I've been right there actively helping them through, and perhaps noticing the cute way a little brow furrows in concentration. Instead of feeling bored, I've found myself actually more patient in those moments than I used to be when Instagram was waiting on my phone.
I tell my kids "just a minute" less often.
I am more on top of household chores and meals, and am finding more satisfaction in those tasks.
The perspective that has come from being disconnected from social media has better equipped me to deal with messes and unexpected difficulties in a calm and patient manner.
Skill in parenting is a hard thing to quantify, and I can't explain it in more definite terms than that. I just know that being off mainstream social media for good has made a world of difference for me in my attitude as a mom.
3) I have more time to think.
This is perhaps the only semi-negative change that I've noticed since being off Instagram. Now that I am not constantly filling my time with the endless scroll, I've had more time to think.
I've thought about some things that haven't crossed my mind in years. I've thought over the ways I've managed my house, my budget, even this blog. I've remembered things that I had almost forgotten.
Unfortunately, for me at least, this has come with confronting some regrets in my life that I had mostly pushed from my mind with a click of the Instagram app before.
Sometime between the week I panicked over not saving enough at all for the kids' college funds and the week where I panicked over not being careful enough with my family's online privacy, I realized that in the past I had numbed these thoughts by distracting myself with Instagram. And now that my source of distraction was gone, I had to face some hard truths.
Let's just say I've had a lot of mental ups and downs over the last month as I have more clearly seen areas where I have not lived up to my ideals, or accomplished my goals. And I'm also a little upset at myself for numbing those feelings for years, with the distraction of Instagram-induced dopamine hits, instead of confronting and fixing the problems.
But as they say, there is no time like the present. Better late than never. As I have been forced to consider my regrets recently, I have also had the mental clarity and space to work through a practical plan to change things as I move forward. So even though facing up to the ways I have failed is a difficult change to go through, ultimately I know it will also be a positive one.
I'm sure I'll notice more changes the longer I'm away from social media, but eventually I am looking forward to finding my own, new balance - in my budget, family life, regrets and goals - without Instagram tipping the scales either way.
For those of you who have taken an Instagram break longer than a month - did you notice any ways your life or thought processes changed? I'd love to hear!
Do you think we can honor God through our social media use?
The obvious answer is yes, but I want to just consider this a little carefully today. Because I’m not sure it is such an easy yes as it first seems.
I certainly think it’s possible to use social media in a way that glorifies God, and I used to follow people on Instagram especially that from what I can see do this very well. I’ve been personally encouraged in the past by several Instagram accounts, and challenged in my faith. I think lots of people put out content that is glorifying to God and encouraging to fellow believers, and that’s a good thing.
Where I think this gets a little stickier is on a personal level, when we ask “Am I glorifying God with how I’m using social media?” That question is not just a question of content. It’s a question of the heart and how we go about getting that good content up.
If I’m shushing my kids so I can record a video for Instagram, is that glorifying to the Lord?
If I spend five minutes in God’s word and an hour on Instagram each day, is that a godly use of my time?
If I check my phone when I should be focusing my attention on the story my husband is telling me, is that glorifying to God?
If I feel a little spark of pride when I tell people about my social media successes, numbers, sponsorships - even if I tack on the verbal equivalent of a #blessed hashtag - is that glorifying God, or is it glorifying me?
These are trickier questions. I’m not answering them for anyone else. It certainly is possible that a girl who has gained tens of thousands of followers has a pure heart in doing it for the Lord. Even if she doesn’t, the Lord can be using and working through her posts and following, despite rough areas that He’s still smoothing out.
For me though, I am starting to be convicted that my time is so much better spent looking into the eyes of my children, looking at the pages of God’s word, looking at the inside of my eyelids while I pray. And if social media is taking time away from those more lasting pursuits, I need to reevaluate.
All the verses that are coming to mind as I think about how I need to be spending my time are things that are done quietly, in the hidden places of my heart, and especially within the walls of my home.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3: 15-17
All of Matthew 6 gives examples of doing our good deeds in private, with a heart to glorify God only.
Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly I say to you, they have their reward. But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret, and your Father who sees in secret, will reward you openly.
Matthew 6:3-4
And Colossians 3:2 says this:
Set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth.
Paul reminds the Thessalonians to continue to grow in love to one another, and:
...that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your hands, as we commanded you.
1 Thessalonians 4:11
I will be honest with you right now and tell you that the particular weaknesses that Instagram, and social media in general, brings out in me personally, are not compatible with what God calls us to in these verses. Social media in general is all about doing your “good deeds” in front of men. It brings my mind right down to earthly things, to the most insignificant of earthly things, like how many people care to follow me on Instagram, or how my shirt will look in a photo. It’s not minding my own business well, and often it takes my focus away from letting the message of Christ dwell in me richly and letting His peace rule in my heart.
Someone will bring up this verse to me:
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven.
Matthew 5:16
And we are called to “let your light shine before men”, but it seems to me that should be an unconscious thing - because in the very next chapter Jesus warns not to pray, fast, or give to the needy on the street corners where everyone can see. What we shouldn’t hide is the fact that we are believers, and any good that Christ is working in us should be an offering of worship to God alone. There is a difference in doing our good works out of love and obedience to God, and doing them to look righteous to other people. Our good works are not to be done to be seen by men, but to be seen by God. If men happen to see you glorifying God through your obedience and service to Him, knowing that you are a Christian, that can bring more glory to God because of the work they see God doing in you.
I think people, generically speaking, can honor God through social media, and God can take even the broken and sinful ways we sometimes participate in social media, and still use it for His own purposes and glory. But when a person realizes that the ways they have typically used social media have been more self-glorifying than God-glorifying - well, it’s time to make some adjustments.
To close out these thoughts on how to navigate the modern-day street-corner that is social media, let me just say this.
No one will know when you put down your phone so you can love your family better - but God will know.
No one will see how you set restrictions on your social media apps so you can focus on praying before your kids wake up - but God will see.
No one will hear the conversation you had with your child about salvation that you treasured up in your heart instead of sharing it on Facebook - but God hears.
No one can estimate the value of countless moments that you spend, quietly, pouring your heart into serving your family and friends with your phone pocketed, in leiu of pouring into Instagram - but God weighs those things.
He sees what is done in secret, for the glory of none but Him - and someday He will reward you openly.
(This week I want to share a few posts that have been sitting in my draft folder for a couple months. I wrote these a while ago, but just didn't feel like I was ready to share my thoughts yet. But as I am looking at making some big changes regarding my personal use of social media, I thought this was a good time to share the things that have been stirring around in my mind. This post was written in October.)
Instagram came on the scene right when blogging was at it’s heyday, and the general advice at that time was that every time a new social media platform came on the scene, you snagged up your username. So when Instagram arrived, I did the thing that good bloggers do - I jumped right on and snagged up my personal username, and my blog username. Instagram seemed like a good platform for connecting with readers in a new, personal, and instant way. It was fun, at first.
But over time, I don’t know…it seems like Instagram, in combination with other social media platforms, kind of killed blogging.
I get why it happened. Instagram was so…easy. At a time when all the bloggers who seemed to know what they were doing recommended that you needed to get away from free platforms, buy a domain, set up a custom website, make sure your content looked professional and had pinnable images…Instagram required so much less effort and technical know-how to get started. People started “blogging” on Instagram - it was quicker, and you didn’t need to sit down at a computer or know html code to do it. That’s where the readers, old and new, seemed to be.
Anyway, fast forward ten years, and here we are, where it almost feels like an old-school blog is obsolete, unless it’s accompanied by a much-more-active Instagram account.
And I hate that this is the way it is now.
Those of you who follow my blog account might have noticed I was putting more effort into my blog Instagram account for a few weeks there in September. I’m not sure what prompted me to do this, aside from thinking that maybe I could get people to hop over and read my blog if I put a little more effort in. But I think there was a part of me that was also trying to figure out if Instagram was the new blog world - if spending a little more time interacting on Instagram might bring back that old sense of connectedness that I had previously found with old-school blogging. I wanted to see how much effort it took to reach new people on Instagram with my public account, and if it was a good medium for finding that reciprocity that we bloggers used to enjoy. You know, returning comments, reading each other’s blog, linking to each other in the sidebar - all that was so fun back in the day. I guess it was an unconscious experiment for me.
After two weeks of complete dissatisfaction with the amount of time I was spending on my phone, my sweet husband took time to listen to my discouraged ranting about Instagram. I was discouraged because as much time as I was spending on Instagram, something was missing for me, and I always left it feeling dissatisfied.
Derek’s social media philosophy is “this is why I am not on Facebook/Instagram!” But he took the time to hear me out and listen to my struggles. While I got Facebook under control last year, I wasn’t sure what to do with Instagram. Because it seemed to me Instagram is necessary for bloggers these days.
As I started to talk with Derek about it, though, I started to question my own assumption about that. People say if you’re a blogger, you need to be on Instagram, but I’m not sure if that’s always true. Maybe it’s necessary for bloggers who want to earn an income through sponsorships - a lot of the sponsorships are on Instagram right now. Maybe it’s necessary for bloggers who need the numbers to show to sponsors. Maybe it’s necessary for bloggers who want a big following to achieve other goals.
But I’ve never really blogged for the numbers, and that’s kind of what I hate about Instagram. No matter how much you try to connect, in the end so much of it is just a bunch of people chasing numbers - numbers of likes, numbers of comments, numbers of followers. Numbers of dollars that you make off all that.
Don’t get me wrong, I know and follow plenty of girls who I think want to use their influence on Instagram to truly connect with people and bring glory to God. I admire some of those Instagrammers I know, and I don’t think there is anything wrong necessarily with putting in the effort there if that’s what you want to do.
But I’ve realized I don’t want to put the effort into Instagram. I’m not trying to earn money. I don’t need a big number of followers to feel significant. And likes are nice, but I don’t want that to be what I write for.
I have met many friends on Instagram over the years that I appreciate, that have turned into connections outside of the platform, and for those girls I am grateful! But unfortunately that doesn't happen very often. And fortunately there are other places to keep up with people online (like...blogs).
So is Instagram really necessary for bloggers today? I guess it depends on what your goals are. If your goal is to try to reach the biggest number of readers possible, you might do well to focus all your energy on Instagram.
Or you might dig into your stats like I did and be surprised at what you find. While I might get a few new people reading my blog through Instagram, the stats show it’s not a significant number. I stepped away from trying to earn money from this blog a long time ago, because it sucked the joy out of it for me. Because of that, gaining Instagram followers would just be an exercise in obtaining bragging rights, at the cost of time I could spend doing something more fulfilling.
I just want to write, and I believe the people who really count will still come around to read.
And even if they don’t, I enjoy writing on this blog - I’ve always enjoyed it, just for the sake of writing, and sharing my thoughts with people who care to read them, and having a space on the internet that feels like it’s only mine, without it demanding my constant attention. It’s okay to do something completely disconnected from the numbers, for no other reason than to enjoy doing it. I think we forget that sometimes.
It's been two weeks since I cut my number of Facebook friends in half.
In November I decided to take a social media break (I wrote a little about why here), but through the entire year of 2019, I've been slowly starting to question the role that social media has been playing in my life. I knew I was on social media way too much, using it as a distraction from the boring moments in my day. The last straw was when I started to find myself holding my phone, scrolling through Instagram, without consciously making the decision to pick it up.
So right before Thanksgiving I got off Facebook and Instagram, which I've never done before. During my break, I read several really helpful books, and took a good hard look at Facebook and Instagram to figure out what role I really wanted them to be playing in my life. Maybe I'll discuss Instagram another day. I'm still figuring that one out, since like it or not, Instagram is kind of the place for bloggers to be. But today I thought I'd share one thing I figured out about Facebook over my social media break, and it's this:
Facebook keeps people from fading from your life.
If you had mentioned this to me a few years ago, I would have viewed that as a good thing. Now, I'm not so sure. I have started to consider that maybe some people are meant to fade from your life, and that doesn't have to be a bad thing.
There are people who aren't really friends, just acquaintances that passed through your life for a time. There are friends that you used to have alot in common with, but over the years you've drifted apart. There are people that you were hoping to develop a friendship with, but years have passed and nothing has ever come of it.
I've always had a hard time letting people go, and I do still think there is value in being a tenacious friend, in making the effort to keep in touch with people who mean something to you. But it's a tricky thing to balance when social media now gives you the ability to superficially keep in touch with your cousin's-husband's-sister who you met once five years ago. Or that one person you hung out with at camp, but really don't know at all. Or someone you used to work with, but who you haven't seen in five years.
Fifty years ago, you would have gradually lost touch with these people, no harm, no foul. I used to think that was sad, but now I wonder whether it was a blessing in disguise. These days, the social norm is for these relationships to linger indefinitely on Facebook, because no one wants to hurt the other's feelings by "unfriending" them. If you dare to unfriend someone, you have to be prepared for the possibility of a conversation when you eventually run into them...or drama behind your back.
It must have been simpler back in the day when people were just allowed to drift apart.
One day I woke up and realized that a majority of my friends list on Facebook were these kinds of relationships. People I don't really know anymore, or never really knew at all, had all this information about everything that was going on in my life, and I had information about what was going on in their life too. But without ever putting in the effort to be an actual real-life friend to each other.
Not everyone should have unlimited access to your life.
And some people are meant to be in your life only for a season.
As I contemplate all of this, I also fully resonated with this article about how we make unfriending too much of a "thing". I actually think we have made Facebook interactions in general too much of a "thing". The article mentions that we have started "validating our real life friendships by our online friendships", as if we aren't really friends with someone unless we are also Facebook friends with them. I especially liked the question the author asks:
"When we feel like we need to add someone as a friend or maintain their access on Facebook in order to substantiate our interactions in reality, haven’t we reversed the natural process?"
And yes, I think we have.
Personally, Facebook's most valuable functions in my life have always been as a convenient platform to share multiple photos with my grandparents and aunts and uncles (and other people who care about my children and don't get to see them often), and as a tool to facilitate real-world, face-to-face interactions with people.
So during my Facebook break, I really started thinking about how to make sure that Facebook was serving those specific functions in my life, and drawing the line there. To a certain extent, I had allowed social media to fill other functions in my life without my conscious permission. I don't want Facebook to be a boredom buster, a friendship barometer, a self esteem-booster (or conversely, destroyer), a platform for all my thoughts (that's what this blog is for), a tool for life-comparison, an acquaintance-spying tool, or a cheap substitute for meaningful friendships (more on this coming in another post I think).
I want Facebook to be just what I said - a photo-sharing tool between close friends and family, and a facilitator for setting up my face-to-face interactions. That's all.
In order to fit Facebook into the box I had decided on, I realized that I was going to have to unfriend some people. That's a hard decision to make, because for a lot of people, unfriending is taken as a personal insult. I was afraid that some people, people I still like and wish the very best for, would take it that way. I know some people probably did take it that way, but I posted this before I started purging, in an effort to explain:
"Hi Guys! I wanted to let you all know that in the next few days I'll be whittling down my friends list. Since taking my Facebook break, I've realized that some people struggle with social media more than others, and I am one of those people. I knew when I came back to Facebook I was going to have to make some changes, and this is one of them.If I disappear from your friend list in the next couple days, I hope with all my heart that you will know that it is nothing against you at all! This is more about my own personal social media mental health (how's that for a made-up term?), in an effort to maintain a proper balance in my digital life. If you ever want to connect or get together with me, I would absolutely welcome interaction outside of Facebook, through a text, phone call, email, snail mail, etc! I'm thankful for all of you, and what you've added to my life over the years! I hope we can connect in the future outside a screen. <3"
And then I took the advice and encouragement from someone who has done this before, and I cut over half of my friend's list.
Time will tell if there will be unforeseen negative repercussions, but so far I've received mostly positive responses. I'll continue to refine my friend's list until I've achieved the balance that I'm looking for, but for now, I feel lighter. I'm satisfied that Facebook is now more functional as a tool that serves me, instead of the other way around. And I'm spending much less time on it.
The hardest part for me in purging my friends list was deciding who to keep and who to let go. As I tried to make some hard decisions, I was heartened by this quote from Digital Minimalism:
"It's worth noting that refusing to use social media...to interact means that some people will inevitably fall out of your social orbit - in particular, those whose relationship with you exists only over social media. Here's my tough love reassurance - let them go. The idea that it's valuable to maintain vast numbers of weak-tie social connections is largely an invention of the past decade or so...Humans have maintained rich and fulfilling social lives for our entire history without needing the ability to send a few bits of information each month to people we knew briefly during high school."
-Digital Minimalism, pg 155
Let them go.
So I held my breath and took the plunge. I kept some people that I am hopeful will turn into real-world friends, but I may have to do another purge in the future if nothing comes of those relationships. I let go of some people that I genuinely like and wouldn't mind being friends with - but I've been Facebook friends with them for years, and we never see each other anymore.
I hope those people will understand that even though we are no longer Facebook friends, that doesn't mean that I don't want real-life interaction with them. I am hoping that anyone who really would have liked to keep in touch with me will reach out to set something up, or send a note, outside of social media.
And for the ones that don't - well, I guess we were meant to fade from each other's lives after all.
There are some complications though, with taking a break from social media. How am I going to still share photos with my family (which is a big value of Facebook to me)? How am I going to be able to get my blog posts to people who only read through Instagram? How am I going to have the motivation to resist signing back in to check just "one more thing"? And would getting rid of those two apps be enough, or would I just find other ways to waste time on my phone?
I don't want my bad habits to be diverted to other digital activities during this break. I want to spend time doing things in the real world, and develop some "analog" skills that have been languishing for too long.
As I was mulling all that over, I found a few resources that have been or hopefully will be very helpful in making the most of my attempt to break my phone habit over the next couple months, and I wanted to share them with you here!
Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport - I listened to this book in two days over the weekend, and picking this book up now was so timely for me. Newport is talking about the very thing I've been struggling with, getting a handle on your "digital life" and making sure that the ways in which you use technology are actually serving you, instead of making you a slave to technology. This book gave me so many things to think about, and strategies for making sure that I break my phone habit long-term, not just until my break is over in January.
Freedom.to - This is a tool I read about in Digital Minimalism, and I went straight home and signed up. Freedom.to allows you to block distracting websites (specified by you) for certain blocks of time or on regular schedules (also specified by you). I've set mine up to block time-suck websites for the hours of 9-5, Monday through Friday. Like I said, I didn't want my bad phone habits to just get diverted to other digital time wasters, so this tool should help alot! They are running a special right now too - you can try it monthly for $7, or get a whole year for $20!
Later.com - I mentioned in my first post about taking a social media break that I am still going to use a scheduler, to let people know that I've posted here on my blog. This is the scheduler! You can set it up to share to multiple social media websites (without being signed in), but the one that is most useful at this time for me is posting to my blog Instagram, because this is the only website I'm aware of that let's you schedule posts to Instagram. I know there is a decent portion of readers (though not as many as you might think) who keep up with blogs through Instagram, and I didn't want those of you who keep up with me that way to totally miss out while I have the app removed from my phone.
Chatbooks - Another hesitation I had with giving up Instagram specifically is that I have a recurring series that automatically prints my pictures to these cute little photo books through Chatbooks. My kids LOVE these books and are constantly carrying them around. I was a little sad to miss a couple months of capturing our memories this way, until I remembered that you can add photos to a Chatbook manually through the app. Did you know that? It will take a little more intention from me to remember to add photos to the book when I don't have an instant audience or the boost of "likes", but that's also the whole point of my social media break - to be more intentional with how I'm spending my time. I'm thinking about printing out books of the best photos from the month and sending them to our family members who really enjoy photos of the kids. Yes, this will cost me more money, but I have to think it will mean a little more too. (There is also just good ol' texting for sending photos, which I plan on putting to use!)
I'll write another post soon about things I'm hoping to spend time on instead of my phone, but I wanted to share these tools this morning for a few of you who I know were also considering some sort of digital break!
Do you have any other resources I should know about that are helpful for breaking bad phone habits?
Also, real quick, did you know that I actually had a newsletter for this blog? I haven't sent a newsletter out in years, but I figured now might be a good time to dust it off. If you need a way beside social media for keeping up with this blog, you can sign up for updates below!
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