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Showing posts with label Social Media. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Social Media. Show all posts
My year without an Instagram was 2021. In many ways it was the best year I have had in a while, without Instagram to distract me from my real life. We made memories, without the pressure of taking photos for social media. I learned new skills, because I had extra time. I didn’t stress about everything going on in the world, because it wasn’t constantly being pushed in my face from ten different angles. Derek even mentioned that I have seemed less anxious without Instagram.
Still, toward the end of last year I felt a pull to get back on Instagram for a minute, to see if I could find a better balance if I gave it one more try. So for the month of January (and very slightly in February) I’ve been using Instagram from my desktop, with an occasional foray into the iPad version of the app when I wanted to post a video or sporadic story. I started out thinking I would only post content that I had already published on my blog. I thought Instagram might be a nice way to reflect my blog in another space, and to interact with online friends who only have Instagram. These were done of my reasons for my little Instagram experiment.
It's been an extremely interesting experience being off Instagram for a solid year, and then getting back on. In so many ways I came back to the platform with fresh eyes. The first thing I thought is "Why am I following all these people?" and I cut my following list way down. I posted again for the first time in January with a great amount of suspicion and anxiety, and I think I realized a few things about Instagram that only this experience - being off for so long, and then briefly getting back on - could give me.
1. Instagram is built to keep you in the app as much as possible, mainly so they can collect data on you. Yes that personal data is not studied individually but is aggregated into a huge data sets, but they are still manipulating you with that information, and it's still creepy (read The Tyranny Of Big Tech by Josh Hawley for more on this). I knew all that before, but I noticed again how good they are at sucking you into the app for as much time as possible. I was surprised at how quickly the temptation to be on there way too much came back - and that without even having the app on my phone.
Unfortunately, my good intentions to limit my use are still no match for the addictive tricks the app plays on my brain. I think over the course of my year off Instagram, I got really used to NOT feeling the urge to check Instagram for feedback on my posts. It feels so good to NOT WANT to check Instagram, to not even have to think about it, but you don’t appreciate the absence of a bad habit until the temptation comes for you again. I was really surprised by how quickly that urge to check came back.
2. A lot of us end up changing our content (or even real-life choices and habits) in some way to optimize for Instagram. It was weird to feel anxious when I hit that "post" button, wondering if my post would even get shown to anyone because of that infuriating algorithm. Then I was alarmed to find myself strategizing how to help the next post do better, or share more of what was doing well. When did I agree to curate myself like that, to adjust the offering of my content to appease the Instagram "gods"? When I posted something on Instagram, especially at first, I ended up checking it every hour, just wondering if anybody commented or liked it. Then I started thinking about the next thing I should post, and it became this low hum of anxiety in the back of my mind, this pressure I put on myself to come up with something good for Instagram. And I found myself thinking often over the past couple months, do I really want this? Is this beneficial to my life? Am I doing any actual good on this platform? Is this platform doing any good for me?
3. Instagram content is all so…disposable. I was surprised to notice for the first time how quickly whatever I just shared became irrelevant - within 24 hours, it was done and past, gone, worthless. In many ways, Instagram makes our thoughts themselves seem disposable. Throw your thoughts out there, only to be buried beneath a bunch of other stuff, before we move on to planning the next post.
4. When it comes down to it, Instagram is just a bunch of people trying to be noticed. I shouldn't have been surprised to find myself in the same old rat race, once again becoming a part of the online crowds shouting, "Look at me! Give your attention to me! Make me feel important by clicking the like button!" I don't think everyone consciously seeks virtual affirmation on Instagram, but when it comes down to it, practically, that's what we are all kind of doing, isn't it? Getting back on and browsing around, I was secondhand embarrassed for some users that were clearly craving that digital affirmation, and then I realized with horror that I was basically doing the same thing! I hate feeling like the worth of my thoughts are tied up in how many people liked them, and I was embarrassed at myself when I found myself participating in all of it.
5. It's very difficult to keep my eyes on Christ when I'm on Instagram. I noticed some things happening in my heart that I didn't like almost immediately after dipping my toes back into Instagram. This week I finally finished a book from my longstanding TBR, 10 Arguments To Delete Your Social Media Accounts Right Now, and the last chapter happened to be comparing Big Tech to a religion. This book was written by someone I don't agree with on political or religious matters, a liberal I have nothing in common with except this interest in the insidiousness of Big Tech, but even this man can recognize there is an odd spiritual element to social media/Big Tech.
We like to think social media is spiritually neutral, but the thing is, I'm not so sure it is. Something that takes so much of our time and attention and information and effort is going to inevitably affect us spiritually in some way. It's probably not the same for all of us - for all I know some people may be impacted positively by their social media use - but for a whole bunch of us, I think we recognize there are negative aspects. It takes alot of wisdom and honesty to weigh those things rightly for yourself, to see things clearly, and to make the tough decisions where necessary.
While struggling with all this I came across this verse in Colossians:
If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.Colossians 3:1-4
It struck me to the heart because I know, deep down, that Instagram does not help me focus on heavenly things. It makes me focus on all the most shallow aspects of earthly things. Things such as likes, and follower counts, and how my hair looks in that video I just posted. Vain and meaningless as the wind.
If I am getting into a more worldly mindset just by using the platform, is the rare occasion where I may actually, maybe, point someone to Jesus worth my own spiritual health taking a hit? I don't know the answer to that. I wish that I could just resist the way Instagram puts my focus on myself, and keep my mind only on Christ, to post with a pure heart for His glory and not mine. But it’s too easy to make everything about myself, and I feel the failure acutely when I realize that's what I've done.
6. Finally, I realized I really don’t need Instagram. With all this swirling in my mind, I haven't posted anything on Instagram for most of the month of February (or my blog either for that matter - I needed a mental break), but when I scheduled last week's blog post to be shared on Instagram, from my desktop, I felt mostly indifferent about checking how it did. I don't view this so much as progress in my "relationship" to Instagram as evidence that I don't need Instagram.
When I'm active on Instagram, I hate the way it makes me feel.
If I can get myself to the point where I don't care about it so much (a healthier state for me), then what's the point in putting my effort there at all?
I guess I'm saying that I'm giving up Instagram again? I may keep my account to check in with my blog friends who I have no other way to keep in touch with, but I don't know how much I'll be posting there. I may share sporadic verses or quotes that stand out to me, or perhaps an occasional thought that I specifically feel led to share on Instagram, but I think that will be rather rare. There aren't many things that would be better suited to Instagram than for my blog. I will continue, as I have for the last 13 years, to share on the blog instead, and all personal updates will be here, not on Instagram.
As a sidenote, I wish I could nudge (ie. wrestle into acquiescence) all those friends who are only on Instagram to come back into the friendly waters of the good ol' blog world. Whatever is shared on Instagram can be shared on a blog. Blog feed readers, like Feedly (my favorite), still make it easy to see new posts without checking each individual blog. The blog world is still active, much less noisy and time-consuming than Instagram, with the same potential for online connection. Come on in, friends, the water's fine. Blogging may take a little more work than Instagram, but it's slower, it's calmer, and in my opinion healthier than the firehose that Instagram has become.
So there's my little state-of-the-social-media statement, and I'll be here on this blog, as always, my little haven on the internet.
It's been over six months since I gave up on Instagram, and in so many ways it's been the best decision I've made in years. In other ways it's been challenging. When people ask me if I'm ever going back, I say a solid "I don't know" with a leaning toward a "no". Since this is no longer a new decision, I've had time to let my emotions settle and really reflect honestly on what I miss and what I don't miss about Instagram. I thought I'd share some of those things with you today.
What I Miss
I miss keeping up with a few Instagram-only people.
There are a few online friends that really only post on Instagram these days, and I am sad that I don't have a good way to keep up with them or interact with them anymore. Occasionally I'll go to Instagram on my computer and type in a username of one of these people and see the limited posts that I can see publicly, but if it's a private account I'm out of luck. To me, this is an example of why it is a good thing to diversify your presence online. I understand that people have limited time, and some may feel that they only have time for producing content in one place online, but when that one platform is a closed platform, people who are not on that platform are not going to have the chance to see what you share. I'm in full support of double-posting Instagram posts onto a more open forum (like a blog). (Consider this my PSA to all my IG-only friends - consider double-posting, maybe? Blog posts don't have to be long!)
I miss being able to share things quickly.
Sometimes something funny or exciting happens, and I briefly miss the ability to share quickly with friends, family, and online friends. As I said above, I like the idea, in theory, of still sharing those short snippets on my blog, but I acknowledge that it will always be a little more involved to sit down at my computer and type up a post. On the other hand, there is a sense in which I think we all have gotten a little too accustomed to instant gratification when sharing online - instant, easy sharing, and instant, cheap feedback (ie. the like button). So maybe it's okay to re-train myself to let some things simmer a bit longer before blasting them out there online.
I miss being able to easily share photos with my family.
This, honestly, is the biggest drawback of giving up Facebook and Instagram for me. Those platforms make it so simple to share photos privately (sort of - except for the data collection from the platforms themselves) with the people in my life who really care to see them, and I have yet to find an alternative that I can keep up with consistently. The solution I am attempting right now is sharing photos of my kids on a private blog, just for my closest family members and friends. While functionally this is working okay, I find that I do miss the feedback in the form of comments. But at least they can still see the photos.
What I Do Not Miss
I do not miss the constant product bombardment.
Every time I would open the app and scroll down even just a few photos, there was someone trying to sell me something - either Instagram itself through ads, or an influencer through sponsored posts and affiliate links. As my forever favorite radio host, Rush Limbaugh, used to say, "there’s an entire industry out there designed to separate you from your money", and a monster of that industry is Facebook and Instagram. Even when you are aware of it, and try to avoid the temptation to shop based off products you saw on social media, it's hard to get away from it. Before I got off Instagram, it had gotten to the point where I had disabled my internet browser on my phone, just so I wouldn't be tempted to purchase something on a whim that I had seen on Instagram. Now that I am off Instagram, and away from the deluge of product placements, I find I make impulse purchases less often. I think critically about what I need for longer before I buy.
I do not miss online arguments and virtue-signaling.
I probably don't need to explain this. It's amazing how much less stress is in my life from eliminating these two things, via eliminating Instagram.
I do not miss having to worry about online privacy so much.
Whether and how much to share about my kids online is something I have struggled with for years, and I've landed in different places at different times. Right now I'm very much in a keep-my-kids-off-the-internet phase, but I can say that it has become easier to exercise wisdom about what to share without the emotional ties to the visual medium of Instagram playing such a big part. In addition, there is the culture of comparison and over-sharing that runs rampant on social media, and I have become much more critical-minded about that aspect of online sharing since I left the big platforms.
I do not miss the subtle ways I was measuring how well I was doing by how everyone else was doing.
We all do it, whether we are conscious of it or not. Maybe it's the flashy vacation that makes your modest camping trip feel sub-par. Maybe it's the magazine-worthy home decor that leaves you feeling like your more humble home needs a remodel. Maybe it's the flash of jealousy at all the quiet time that mom manages to find for herself, while you break up the third spat between the kids before 10:00 AM. Maybe it's comparing the number of followers or likes that makes you feel like you must not be doing something right.
I've been working on not comparing myself to others for years, and I thought I had achieved a nice equilibrium, but after detoxing from social media it has become obvious that I was still using others as a measuring stick way too much.
My life is my own, and it's not going to be exactly like anyone else's - it wasn't meant to be. I don't need to worry about how so-and-so is managing the things God has given to her - my job is to glorify God the best I can with what He has placed in my life right now, to lean on Him for wisdom and strength. Even when the day-to-day is not very fancy or Instagram-worthy.
As an aside, I specifically didn't realize how many things I was only doing so I'd have something photogenic to share on Instagram. When you realize you haven't felt the need to take a picture of your coffee cup in six months, you see how silly it all can become. (The coffee cup/phone photos I took for this post don't count!)
I do not miss getting impatient when I'm interrupted while on social media.
As a stay-at-home parent, I often escaped the hum-drum nature of my days with a little trip into the world of Instagram, and I can see now how snappy I could get with my kids when they jolted me out of it. Sometimes it was a question that I had to ask them to repeat because I wasn't really listening. Sometimes it was a "just a minute" when they asked me to read to them and I was busy typing up a caption. Sometimes it was just the internal annoyance when something went wrong, because there is that subconscious feeling of "why isn't fill-in-the-blank as easy as it looks on Instagram?" Some moms may not relate to any of that at all, but I think a lot of moms don't even realize the negative parenting and attitude patterns they've fallen into because of social media - I didn't realize it fully until I got off. My parenting has improved dramatically since I gave it all up, to the point where I am not sure it will ever be worth it to me to go back.
I do not miss the way social media was making me more self-centered.
It can happen in a variety of ways, but I've found as I've been off Instagram, it's become more obvious to me the little ways that Instagram made me focus on myself. There was that worrying about how I look in a picture, trying to think of something original or encouraging to say (mainly to get that ego boost in the form of likes), and the nagging feeling that I was "behind" somehow or not doing something as well as another girl. Being off Instagram has given me the opportunity to worry less about how I appear or whatever I'm doing, and focus on how others in my family are doing - what they are thinking, things they would like to do, ways I can serve them better. It's not that I never thought about those things before, I did, but it was a constant battle with the self-focus that Instagram encourages. Instagram makes narcissists of us all to varying degrees, and it's only when you've been off it for a while that you really start to see it.
I do not miss the way Instagram had become a barrier to my sanctification.
In case you didn't notice, several of the things I do not miss are actually sin issues in my own heart. Was it Instagram's fault that I was falling into sinful patterns? No, I don't blame social media necessarily. Some people may not struggle at all with the things I was dealing with because of social media. However, do I have a duty to eliminate things that have become stumbling blocks in my life, so that I can live worthy of my calling to holiness in Christ? Yes, that is the responsibility of every Christian.
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..." Hebrews 12:1-2.
While there were some rare accounts that I found to be a spiritual encouragement, the net result of Instagram and Facebook had become a weight and an entanglement for me. At the root, social media brings out the most selfish corner of my heart. Is this something that I still need to work on now that I'm off social media? It definitely is, and the fight against selfishness likely will be a work in progress for my whole life. But I will say I have more clarity about the ways the Lord is trying to sanctify me than I have in years, and it's easier now, without Instagram, to focus on the right things.
As for the negatives of being off Instagram, I am still mulling over those things and trying to figure out how important they are, or if there are alternative ways of accomplishing the same thing without addictive social media - because overall, the positives of being off are so much more significant and important to me. The small things I miss about Instagram can't outweigh all the benefits I am seeing from cutting it out of my life. I don't regret getting off Instagram, and while I don't know what will happen in the future, I am feeling really good about where things stand with me and social media right now.
The main thing I miss is connecting with all of you in a quicker way, so I am open to suggestions on that front!
When it comes to homeschooling my kids, a huge benefit to me is that the person who has the most influence on them is going to be me - I'm the one who is with them day-in and day-out. I don't have to rely on the teacher lottery and hope they get a good one that will be a positive influence on them - I get to be that influence, along with the other adults that Derek and I allow to play a role in their lives. It's a huge blessing, but also a huge responsibility.
I also watch over what is influencing my kids in other ways, such as the books we read and the movies we watch. I don't let them watch or read just anything, because I want whatever influence their media has over them to be in a positive direction, as much as I can.
I was thinking about this the other day and it occurred to me that I am so careful with the influences that are coming at my kids, but I haven't been so careful with the influences that I've allowed to come at myself for the past several years.
How much have I been influenced by random people on Instagram to do certain things, buy certain things, think certain ways? How much of that influence has been good, and how much has not been so positive? In what subtle ways have social media influencers affected me negatively?
It's an overwhelming thing to think about, and I don't think it's really necessary to dissect everything I've ever done that has been influenced by something I saw online. I'm trying not to do that, but it's difficult not to go there.
For instance, do I really need those new trendy ankle boots I've been eyeing for a couple months? I've put them in my cart multiple times, the cursor hovering over the checkout button, before a take a breath and close the window. I have perfectly fine ankle boots that I like. Who says I need this specific style of shoe? Instagram fashion bloggers?
Or there is that book that I've seen mentioned multiple places that looks interesting. Should I try to grab it right off the presses to keep up with online book friends? Or do I sit it out and wait for my library to come through, even though I'm the 134th person in line for it? Do I really need to read it right away? Is it any less interesting if I read it next year, when Thriftbooks has it for $4, instead of right now for $23? I may not be able to to talk to people online about it when it's popular, but does that actually matter? I guarantee you if it's good, I'll have real-life friends I can convince to read it with me, and that discussion will be richer for being in person.
How many things have I felt like I "had to do" as a mom, just because other moms online were doing it? Things like themed birthday parties or specialized nursery decor. Were those things even worth the money in the end, or would we all have been just as happy with a simpler, cheaper version?
What about politics? How much stress have I allowed into my life over other people's online political discussions, which are almost always fruitless anyway? And even harder to think about, are there things that I should have stood up for that I didn't, because of online pressure? Or are there times where I felt like I "did my part" by merely sharing something on social media, instead of taking the harder but actually impactful step of getting involved in my real life in some way?
I don't know how to answer those questions. What I do know is that since being off Instagram, I'm much more aware of what kind of influences I'm letting into my life. It's just quiet enough in my mind now to see things clearly and make more directed choices.
I have not been as careful with online influences as I should have been. Who we allow to influence us online matters. And the most regret that I have when I consider social media is thinking about the ways I may have allowed certain "influencers" to make me into a less effective version of myself - as a consumer, as a wife, as a mom, as an American. Maybe even as a Christian. It's overwhelming when I think about it too hard.
All I know is that I am so thankful for God's grace in those moments when I get overwhelmed by my own failures. Jesus is my Savior - He paid the penalty for my sin, including the hidden sins of the heart that I've become more aware of through all this extra time to think. And as I pray for Him to make me wiser as to what influences I let in, I know He'll keep showing me the way I should go.
As the end of February approaches, so does my two month anniversary of being off Instagram and Facebook. I've known that my social media habits had crossed over from benign to malignant for a while, but I hadn't realized all the different ways Instagram affected me before. Do I have more time now that I am disconnected from mainstream social media? Sure, but there are other differences I've noticed. I'm sharing some of those changes I've noticed today.
1) I spend less money.
Intellectually, I knew that Instagram and Facebook were affecting the way I spent my money. Targeted advertisements are the bread and butter of Facebook/Instagram, and they are called targeted advertisements for a reason - they are tailor-made to what users would be most interested in buying. The algorithms are serious business and scarily accurate. I have definitely clicked through on too many Instagram ads in my time.
However, I hadn't thought about the other ways that Instagram affected how I spent my money. For one thing, influencer culture is mainly about influencing others to buy things - whether explicitly through sponsored posts, or subtly through aspirational, visually appealing posts. In fact, creating posts on Instagram sometimes led me to buying because I knew something would look pretty for an Instagram photo. Even seeing regular posts from friends and noticing a cute new clothing item someone was wearing, or hearing someone talk about a product that they were loving - all those things have influenced my buying choices whether I realized it at the time or not.
It's only now that I've been off Instagram for a while that I've realized how much less often I have to deal with the urge to buy something. I never thought I struggled with the fear of missing out, but I think the trick of Instagram and Facebook algorithms is figuring out how to find each person's particular brand of FOMO. And somehow they found mine without my seeing it. Being off Instagram, and away from all those influences, has helped me be much more content with the things I have.
2) I am a better parent.
This might be a bold statement, and I don't want anyone else to take it personally - I'm not saying that you are necessarily a worse parent for being on Instagram. I am saying that how social media is affecting our parenting is an area worth considering.
I don't think when I first joined (or rejoined) Facebook and Instagram as a young mom in 2012 that it necessarily affected my parenting negatively. But as time went on, Facebook and Instagram both grew into a whole other beast, in such a gradual way that I didn't realize what it was doing to my relationship with my kids until it had become a problem. In the last couple years I've found myself using Instagram as an escape when I was having a particularly difficult or boring moment as a mom, and as a result I was less present with my kids.
Since being off Instagram (and Facebook), and in fact removing them as an option for me altogether, it's as if I've received a fresh dose of perspective and attention that I didn't know I could have.
Instead of pulling out my phone while my child works through a worksheet or flashcards, I've been right there actively helping them through, and perhaps noticing the cute way a little brow furrows in concentration. Instead of feeling bored, I've found myself actually more patient in those moments than I used to be when Instagram was waiting on my phone.
I tell my kids "just a minute" less often.
I am more on top of household chores and meals, and am finding more satisfaction in those tasks.
The perspective that has come from being disconnected from social media has better equipped me to deal with messes and unexpected difficulties in a calm and patient manner.
Skill in parenting is a hard thing to quantify, and I can't explain it in more definite terms than that. I just know that being off mainstream social media for good has made a world of difference for me in my attitude as a mom.
3) I have more time to think.
This is perhaps the only semi-negative change that I've noticed since being off Instagram. Now that I am not constantly filling my time with the endless scroll, I've had more time to think.
I've thought about some things that haven't crossed my mind in years. I've thought over the ways I've managed my house, my budget, even this blog. I've remembered things that I had almost forgotten.
Unfortunately, for me at least, this has come with confronting some regrets in my life that I had mostly pushed from my mind with a click of the Instagram app before.
Sometime between the week I panicked over not saving enough at all for the kids' college funds and the week where I panicked over not being careful enough with my family's online privacy, I realized that in the past I had numbed these thoughts by distracting myself with Instagram. And now that my source of distraction was gone, I had to face some hard truths.
Let's just say I've had a lot of mental ups and downs over the last month as I have more clearly seen areas where I have not lived up to my ideals, or accomplished my goals. And I'm also a little upset at myself for numbing those feelings for years, with the distraction of Instagram-induced dopamine hits, instead of confronting and fixing the problems.
But as they say, there is no time like the present. Better late than never. As I have been forced to consider my regrets recently, I have also had the mental clarity and space to work through a practical plan to change things as I move forward. So even though facing up to the ways I have failed is a difficult change to go through, ultimately I know it will also be a positive one.
I'm sure I'll notice more changes the longer I'm away from social media, but eventually I am looking forward to finding my own, new balance - in my budget, family life, regrets and goals - without Instagram tipping the scales either way.
For those of you who have taken an Instagram break longer than a month - did you notice any ways your life or thought processes changed? I'd love to hear!
Beginning...to think it may have been a mistake, but I started reading The Brothers Karamazov again. I attempted to read it a couple years ago, and I got about halfway through it before 1) the book slowed way down and I lost focus, and 2) I got so confused about some of the cultural aspects of the book that I didn't know what was going on anymore. (Katerina paid Dmitriy and he took off with her money? Or he didn't pay her money? Or he didn't pay her back? Something happened with some payment and I'm super confused.). This time I'm participating in this read-along on Youtube, and hoping some of these people who are really into Russian history can give me some clarity.
Reading...an actual, honest-to-goodness monthly TBR (to-be-read list). I've always resisted creating lists of books to read each month because I'm a hopeless mood reader. But I realized that mood-reading didn't go so well last year - it was a slow reading year for me. I have been creating my own book categories for each month, and slotting in my reading choices, and so far it's keeping me pretty focused and productive in my reading. I plan to continue it into February. I don't want to share my TBR lists though, because I need the flexibility to swap books out for my different categories if my moods change!
Organizing...I wrote last week about some of the things I've been organizing, so I won't go into detail here, but at this immediate moment I am sorting through December's photos. I kind of forgot about this winter hike we took until I saw the photos again, so I'm going to be lazy and use them in this post today!
Drinking...chai tea. I've been drinking a lot of tea this week, trying to resist the urge to eat the rest of the Christmas chocolate. Somehow if I eat just one or two pieces, and then top it off with a mug of tea, it satisfies my urge to ingest something sweet while we watch our shows. Chai is especially hitting the spot - it snowed this week, and I spent some time reading a book under twinkle lights, with my tea, while it stormed outside. It was lovely.
Feeling...out of sorts, once again, and realizing that whenever something stressful happens in the country I majorly slack off on blogging while I obsessively read the news. As you can imagine, this is not a great routine for my mental health, and there have been several periods like this in the last year (May/June, November, now). I am trying hard to reset this week and get back to reading my books, getting us into an efficient school routine, working out regularly, etc. You know, structure. Order. Necessary things.
Watching...I'll tell you what I'm not watching today, and that's the inauguration. No, thank you. I'm sure if something noteworthy happens I'll hear about it. No, this week I've been watching Monk and The Mandalorian with Derek (we're late to the party on that one), and Intervention by myself. Derek doesn't like Intervention, but I find it a little...soothing, maybe?...to watch people agree to treatment for their addictions, and hopefully turn their lives around. It's uplifting to me.
Wondering...if I'll ever return to Facebook or Instagram. I haven't quite got up the nerve to delete my accounts, but I did inactivate my Facebook, with Instagram to follow.
I honestly don't think I'll ever go back. Aside from all the Big Tech insanity right now (if you are not at least a little alarmed, I'm not sure you're paying attention), I've found my first few weeks untethered to Instagram deeply refreshing. I've taken social media breaks before, but it was always with the thought of someday returning to the platforms, so I didn't feel truly free of them. Now I do.
I feel more present (and I hate that word, but can't think of a better one), more in tune with the needs of my family. More aware of the areas I have been selfish, the ways I have let social media suck away my time and my joy in motherhood. I'm actually noticing more frequently the cute little things my kids do, letting this young family stage hit my heart in a way it sometimes didn't when my face was always in my phone. I'm convicted for allowing Instagram to steal my focus, thankful for the way the Lord has opened my eyes to problems it was creating in my own heart.
I wish I had let go of Big Tech and addictive social media sooner. I don't think I even realized how badly it was affecting me until I no longer allowed it to be an option. I'll probably write more about leaving big social media as I let this new stage settle in, but I'm excited about it, and thankful for all of you who stick around to read my blog. This is more meaningful place for me to share my thoughts, and I hope a more meaningful place for you to read them. (Bekah's post on blogging yesterday made me so grateful again for this blog community that persists!)
Resolving...to write more letters this year. I think I resolve every year to write more letters, and I rarely do as well as I want to, but I think it's important to keep trying. Letter-writing is one of those traditions that is being lost, and it makes me so sad. Nowadays we all shout at each other on social media, but isn't it more emotionally satisfying, more meaningful, more impactful to you as a person, to get a letter written to you by a friend? Even if it's full of nothing important, it's a tangible piece of evidence that someone resisted the urge to shout into the internet ether, and instead thought of you individually and wanted you to read words written just for you. That's even more special than it used to be, I think.
What are you all up to this month?
(Note: This week I am sharing a few things that have been brewing in my heart about social media this week. This is the latest installment.)
As so many people did, about a week ago I deleted the Instagram app from my phone.
In case you missed it, there was a lot of buzz about the new privacy policy, which basically allows Facebook and Instagram to be more blatant in their efforts to spy on you and interfere in your life (I'm exaggerating, but not that much). From my perspective, the reactions seem to be frantic "get-this-thing-off-my-phone-now" mixed with a side of "but-what-will-I-do-without-Instagram?" Either that or people just shrugged their shoulders over the Big Brother vibe with an "eh-what-can-you-do?" and went about their merry over-sharing way.
For me, I don't know what category I exactly fall into. What I can say is that I wasn't panicked. As I have been sharing my hoarded drafts of posts on this topic, you can probably tell that this move has been brewing for a long time for me.
For the last couple years I took a break from social media over the month of December. Both times I came back with a fresh perspective on what I was actually doing on social media, and how that habit of checking my phone was affecting my life. Especially after last year's break I realized how addictive Instagram had become for me, that this was a problem. Still, I didn't feel ready to give it up, and the chaos of 2020 made it difficult to envision cutting ties. But my unease remained.
I first started paying attention to Instagram in 2013, when I was pregnant with Clyde. Back then, it was a fun adjunct to blogging, a way to keep up with people, blog friends and in-person friends, who I really liked and cared about. Somewhere along the way, it morphed and changed though into something else.
Instead of enhancing real life relationships, it started to take away from them. Instead of being an occasional check-in, it started to become a habit. Instead of sharing, it became curating. Instead of being a fun way to connect with blog friends, it (almost) killed blogging.
Until, here we are, in 2020, and I find I haven't really enjoyed Instagram in a while. I have stayed on. I have escaped into the app in moments of boredom. I have felt the emotional boost of likes and comments. I appreciate the artistry of a well-curated feed, and I like seeing my pictures in a little grid. But I don't enjoy it anymore.
I don't feel good about the way I reach for my phone too often through the day.
I resent the time it takes away from other hobbies, like reading and blogging.
I feel guilt (conviction?) over the attention it steals from my family.
I struggle with the constant opportunity for comparison, only a flick of a finger away.
I hate the yucky feeling I have when I wake up from scrolling and realize I just wasted 20 minutes of my life that I'll never get back.
So no, when Instagram announced it's new invasive policies, I wasn't panicked. It was the final straw, but I was already sliding that pack off the camel's back before.
Maybe it's time we rethink some of these platforms. Maybe it's time we adjust the way we use them. Maybe we should spend more time thinking about the way social media has impacted us as a society, the way we interact with each other, in negative ways. Maybe it's time we demand a righting of some of the wrongs. I'm glad the conversation is starting, because I think even a social media enthusiast may have that sneaking feeling, deep down, that something isn't right here. Social media isn't going away, but maybe it should change. We need to figure this out.
For me though, I'm looking ahead to 2021 as the year without the 'gram. My first in seven years.
A couple months ago, as I was brainstorming post topic ideas, I wrote this down:
"Title: Finding The Balance: Setting A Different Kind Of Social Media Goal
- my goal is to figure out a way to get instagram off my phone for good."
This has been on my heart a while. I have known something needed to change, I felt that conviction in my heart. This is the time.
And I have to tell you something. I didn't realize how much of a burden Instagram had become for me until the last couple weeks - these fresh and bright weeks when I haven't been on it at all, and don't intend on going back, and realize I don't even miss it all that much.
I feel lighter.
I feel free.
(I broke out my fuzziest sweater and most Christmas-y cup this morning, before we take down the tree this weekend.)
But what can we do instead of Instagram?
I write this little add-on to my post fully knowing that there are some of you who can't give up Instagram. Some of you run businesses that would suffer greatly if you deleted Instagram, and if you have reservations regarding the app and are simultaneously earning an income with it, I can't imagine your struggle. I hope you find work-arounds for some of the privacy violations, and I hope you can find ways to diversify! It is difficult to be locked into a platform for financial reasons.
But for those of you who are like me, just average users with a small following - there are other ways to connect with people online.
Parler - I've been on both Parler and MeWe for a couple months, and my experience with these new (and growing) platforms has been good thus far. They don't use the addicting tricks that apps like Instagram and Facebook use, so in that sense they feel a lot healthier (think old school Facebook and Instagram before the algorithms ruined them). They have much better privacy policies (especially MeWe), and on Parler specifically there is a small but busy homeschool community popping up. If you aren't quite ready to give up social media all together (I'm not either), check them out.
Blogging - Good old-fashioned blogging is still a thing - despite my lamenting Instagram's killing of blogging, it's not truly dead. I've been trying to keep it alive here for years, along with many other people (a few of them in my sidebar). Back before social media took off so intensely, people took time to write out their thoughts long-form on a blog, and there are a lot of benefits to communicating this way. Anyone can do it (really). You don't have to write anything important or profound. You can treat it just like Instagram if you want to. It's your blog! I hope we see a little resurgence of the classic casual blog in the wake of this social media disillusionment. (I also wrote a post about how to start a casual blog, if you're interested.)
Newsletters - There are some great email newsletters out there, and it's a fun way to keep up with your favorite blogs and businesses right in your inbox! I'm planning on reviving my newsletter in the new year (with maybe even some freebies for email subscribers - I'm thinking it over). If you are interested, you can sign up here, or in the box at the bottom of this post!
I may turn this section into a longer post if more ideas present themselves, but I just wanted to tack this on to point out that Instagram is not the end-all, not if we don't want it to be. We have options.
This is nearly 2021, after all.
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Thanks for letting me get all these social media thoughts off my chest, friends. I needed to clear the air as I look ahead to a brand new year. Social media has played too big of a role in my life for too long, and I've been praying for a while for the Lord to show me a way to find a balance or get out of it. I'm excited to see what the future looks like for my little family, and this blog, unburdened by the social media giants.
I think it's going to be good.
Happy New Year's Eve to you!
Do you think we can honor God through our social media use?
The obvious answer is yes, but I want to just consider this a little carefully today. Because I’m not sure it is such an easy yes as it first seems.
I certainly think it’s possible to use social media in a way that glorifies God, and I used to follow people on Instagram especially that from what I can see do this very well. I’ve been personally encouraged in the past by several Instagram accounts, and challenged in my faith. I think lots of people put out content that is glorifying to God and encouraging to fellow believers, and that’s a good thing.
Where I think this gets a little stickier is on a personal level, when we ask “Am I glorifying God with how I’m using social media?” That question is not just a question of content. It’s a question of the heart and how we go about getting that good content up.
If I’m shushing my kids so I can record a video for Instagram, is that glorifying to the Lord?
If I spend five minutes in God’s word and an hour on Instagram each day, is that a godly use of my time?
If I check my phone when I should be focusing my attention on the story my husband is telling me, is that glorifying to God?
If I feel a little spark of pride when I tell people about my social media successes, numbers, sponsorships - even if I tack on the verbal equivalent of a #blessed hashtag - is that glorifying God, or is it glorifying me?
These are trickier questions. I’m not answering them for anyone else. It certainly is possible that a girl who has gained tens of thousands of followers has a pure heart in doing it for the Lord. Even if she doesn’t, the Lord can be using and working through her posts and following, despite rough areas that He’s still smoothing out.
For me though, I am starting to be convicted that my time is so much better spent looking into the eyes of my children, looking at the pages of God’s word, looking at the inside of my eyelids while I pray. And if social media is taking time away from those more lasting pursuits, I need to reevaluate.
All the verses that are coming to mind as I think about how I need to be spending my time are things that are done quietly, in the hidden places of my heart, and especially within the walls of my home.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3: 15-17
All of Matthew 6 gives examples of doing our good deeds in private, with a heart to glorify God only.
Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly I say to you, they have their reward. But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret, and your Father who sees in secret, will reward you openly.
Matthew 6:3-4
And Colossians 3:2 says this:
Set your mind on things above, not on things of the earth.
Paul reminds the Thessalonians to continue to grow in love to one another, and:
...that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your hands, as we commanded you.
1 Thessalonians 4:11
I will be honest with you right now and tell you that the particular weaknesses that Instagram, and social media in general, brings out in me personally, are not compatible with what God calls us to in these verses. Social media in general is all about doing your “good deeds” in front of men. It brings my mind right down to earthly things, to the most insignificant of earthly things, like how many people care to follow me on Instagram, or how my shirt will look in a photo. It’s not minding my own business well, and often it takes my focus away from letting the message of Christ dwell in me richly and letting His peace rule in my heart.
Someone will bring up this verse to me:
In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven.
Matthew 5:16
And we are called to “let your light shine before men”, but it seems to me that should be an unconscious thing - because in the very next chapter Jesus warns not to pray, fast, or give to the needy on the street corners where everyone can see. What we shouldn’t hide is the fact that we are believers, and any good that Christ is working in us should be an offering of worship to God alone. There is a difference in doing our good works out of love and obedience to God, and doing them to look righteous to other people. Our good works are not to be done to be seen by men, but to be seen by God. If men happen to see you glorifying God through your obedience and service to Him, knowing that you are a Christian, that can bring more glory to God because of the work they see God doing in you.
I think people, generically speaking, can honor God through social media, and God can take even the broken and sinful ways we sometimes participate in social media, and still use it for His own purposes and glory. But when a person realizes that the ways they have typically used social media have been more self-glorifying than God-glorifying - well, it’s time to make some adjustments.
To close out these thoughts on how to navigate the modern-day street-corner that is social media, let me just say this.
No one will know when you put down your phone so you can love your family better - but God will know.
No one will see how you set restrictions on your social media apps so you can focus on praying before your kids wake up - but God will see.
No one will hear the conversation you had with your child about salvation that you treasured up in your heart instead of sharing it on Facebook - but God hears.
No one can estimate the value of countless moments that you spend, quietly, pouring your heart into serving your family and friends with your phone pocketed, in leiu of pouring into Instagram - but God weighs those things.
He sees what is done in secret, for the glory of none but Him - and someday He will reward you openly.
(This week I want to share a few posts that have been sitting in my draft folder for a couple months. I wrote these a while ago, but just didn't feel like I was ready to share my thoughts yet. But as I am looking at making some big changes regarding my personal use of social media, I thought this was a good time to share the things that have been stirring around in my mind. This post was written in October.)
Instagram came on the scene right when blogging was at it’s heyday, and the general advice at that time was that every time a new social media platform came on the scene, you snagged up your username. So when Instagram arrived, I did the thing that good bloggers do - I jumped right on and snagged up my personal username, and my blog username. Instagram seemed like a good platform for connecting with readers in a new, personal, and instant way. It was fun, at first.
But over time, I don’t know…it seems like Instagram, in combination with other social media platforms, kind of killed blogging.
I get why it happened. Instagram was so…easy. At a time when all the bloggers who seemed to know what they were doing recommended that you needed to get away from free platforms, buy a domain, set up a custom website, make sure your content looked professional and had pinnable images…Instagram required so much less effort and technical know-how to get started. People started “blogging” on Instagram - it was quicker, and you didn’t need to sit down at a computer or know html code to do it. That’s where the readers, old and new, seemed to be.
Anyway, fast forward ten years, and here we are, where it almost feels like an old-school blog is obsolete, unless it’s accompanied by a much-more-active Instagram account.
And I hate that this is the way it is now.
Those of you who follow my blog account might have noticed I was putting more effort into my blog Instagram account for a few weeks there in September. I’m not sure what prompted me to do this, aside from thinking that maybe I could get people to hop over and read my blog if I put a little more effort in. But I think there was a part of me that was also trying to figure out if Instagram was the new blog world - if spending a little more time interacting on Instagram might bring back that old sense of connectedness that I had previously found with old-school blogging. I wanted to see how much effort it took to reach new people on Instagram with my public account, and if it was a good medium for finding that reciprocity that we bloggers used to enjoy. You know, returning comments, reading each other’s blog, linking to each other in the sidebar - all that was so fun back in the day. I guess it was an unconscious experiment for me.
After two weeks of complete dissatisfaction with the amount of time I was spending on my phone, my sweet husband took time to listen to my discouraged ranting about Instagram. I was discouraged because as much time as I was spending on Instagram, something was missing for me, and I always left it feeling dissatisfied.
Derek’s social media philosophy is “this is why I am not on Facebook/Instagram!” But he took the time to hear me out and listen to my struggles. While I got Facebook under control last year, I wasn’t sure what to do with Instagram. Because it seemed to me Instagram is necessary for bloggers these days.
As I started to talk with Derek about it, though, I started to question my own assumption about that. People say if you’re a blogger, you need to be on Instagram, but I’m not sure if that’s always true. Maybe it’s necessary for bloggers who want to earn an income through sponsorships - a lot of the sponsorships are on Instagram right now. Maybe it’s necessary for bloggers who need the numbers to show to sponsors. Maybe it’s necessary for bloggers who want a big following to achieve other goals.
But I’ve never really blogged for the numbers, and that’s kind of what I hate about Instagram. No matter how much you try to connect, in the end so much of it is just a bunch of people chasing numbers - numbers of likes, numbers of comments, numbers of followers. Numbers of dollars that you make off all that.
Don’t get me wrong, I know and follow plenty of girls who I think want to use their influence on Instagram to truly connect with people and bring glory to God. I admire some of those Instagrammers I know, and I don’t think there is anything wrong necessarily with putting in the effort there if that’s what you want to do.
But I’ve realized I don’t want to put the effort into Instagram. I’m not trying to earn money. I don’t need a big number of followers to feel significant. And likes are nice, but I don’t want that to be what I write for.
I have met many friends on Instagram over the years that I appreciate, that have turned into connections outside of the platform, and for those girls I am grateful! But unfortunately that doesn't happen very often. And fortunately there are other places to keep up with people online (like...blogs).
So is Instagram really necessary for bloggers today? I guess it depends on what your goals are. If your goal is to try to reach the biggest number of readers possible, you might do well to focus all your energy on Instagram.
Or you might dig into your stats like I did and be surprised at what you find. While I might get a few new people reading my blog through Instagram, the stats show it’s not a significant number. I stepped away from trying to earn money from this blog a long time ago, because it sucked the joy out of it for me. Because of that, gaining Instagram followers would just be an exercise in obtaining bragging rights, at the cost of time I could spend doing something more fulfilling.
I just want to write, and I believe the people who really count will still come around to read.
And even if they don’t, I enjoy writing on this blog - I’ve always enjoyed it, just for the sake of writing, and sharing my thoughts with people who care to read them, and having a space on the internet that feels like it’s only mine, without it demanding my constant attention. It’s okay to do something completely disconnected from the numbers, for no other reason than to enjoy doing it. I think we forget that sometimes.
I am a big advocate of taking a break from social media. As in, deleting the app from your phone for a set period of time.
Every December for the last couple years I have taken a break from social media. Both times it has been a great reset, and I return refreshed and ready to set some boundaries. However, if I’m honest, the effectiveness of those boundaries has varied. Sometimes I set a rule or limit for myself that ends up being way too easy for me to cheat on, and I fall right back into old habits. Sometimes my willpower lasts for a a couple months before those old, well-worn patterns start to re-emerge.
It’s easy to dismiss slightly unhealthy social media habits as if they don’t matter - but they do matter. Why else do we even feel a need to take social media breaks? We know that social media can suck away at our time, at our lives. That’s not really a small thing, is it? It’s well worth the time to figure out how to combat the pull toward wasting time on social media.
Social media breaks can be so useful for clearing your mind. There is a sense in which social media acts on our brains like a drug - we get a little dopamine hit every time we get a new notification on social media, and it keeps us coming back for more. Social media breaks allow your brain to…for lack of a better word…detox from that loop, so that you can make decisions about your social media use with a clear head.
Did you get that last bit?
You detox so you can make decisions.
Social media breaks by themselves are limited in their usefulness, in my opinion. You might gain a little space during a period where you want that time back (new baby, the holiday season). You might feel refreshed while you are off it - you lose that “yucky” feeling, you waste less time, you realize how nice it is to not have that opportunity for comparison constantly within reach. But the second you upload that “I’m back!” post, you’ll be right back where you started. UNLESS, you use your break to come up with a plan.
This is how I handled my social media break last year. I didn’t just take a break to get back a little time and attention for my family during Christmas (though that was a nice perk). I read books about social media and found resources for creating digital boundaries. I sat around and thought a lot about what I liked about social media, particularly Facebook, and what I didn’t like. I made some really hard decisions and developed a plan, and when it was time to get back on, I followed through on those hard choices.
And I have to say, I’ve never been so satisfied with my Facebook use as I have been this past year. I don’t feel sucked in by it like I used to, and the thought of giving it up for good isn’t even so crazy.
But…that’s because I made some actual changes to my Facebook account that allowed me to be successful, and I kept the Facebook app off my phone. If you take a social media break, but don’t use your break to be 100% honest with yourself about your social media use, how it’s negatively affecting your life, and how to change it - your break, in the long term, is probably going to get you exactly nowhere.
I know this because that’s what happened last year with Instagram and me. With Facebook, I emerged from my break with some really clear ideas about what I wanted out of Facebook, and what specific steps I needed to take to make it what I wanted it to be. I did not take the time to be so self-reflective about Instagram, and I have to say that this fall, I find myself right back where I was last year - hating how Instagram is sucking so much of my time, but unsure how to fix it.
You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make some obvious adjustments right now (why wait until December?), and then I may very well take another social media break, this time focusing my attention on Instagram. I need a game plan, and I need time to sort it out. That’s the key to having an effective social media break - coming up with a plan while you’re away.
Have you taken breaks from social media? How long were your breaks? Were they useful for your habits longterm?
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