19 hours ago
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."
"Wait, you say, wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a "yes", a go-ahead sign,
Or even a "no" to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry,
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting . . . for what?"
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, But you wouldn't know Me.
"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save . . . for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My Heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My Grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
"So be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
my most precious answer of all is still, 'Wait.'"
-Author Unknown
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."
"Wait, you say, wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a "yes", a go-ahead sign,
Or even a "no" to which I can resign.
And Lord, You promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry,
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting . . . for what?"
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, But you wouldn't know Me.
"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save . . . for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My Heart.
"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.
"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My Grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!
"So be silent, My Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
my most precious answer of all is still, 'Wait.'"
-Author Unknown
Recently I started reading a book called Start Your Family: Inspiration For Having Babies by Steve and Candice Watters. It's basically a book that addresses the blessings of parenthood and our culture's increasingly negative attitude toward becoming a parent.
Chapter Five contained some startling statistics. I wouldn't consider myself ignorant of infertility at all - after all, I've been dealing with ovulatory infertility for the past ten months. But some of these stats were even surprising for me.
-For women, fertility begins to decline at age 27, the decline quickens after age 35, and by the time a woman is 40 her ability to get pregnant plummets. See Resource 2.
-At age 40, half of a women's eggs are chromosomally abnormal. By age 42, 90% of her eggs are chromosomally abnormal. See Resource 3.
-For men, fertility begins to decline after the age of 35. See Resource 2.
-Only about a third of couples who seek fertility treatment actually leave with a baby, and "that number can fluctuate dramatically depending on the reason a couple can't conceive naturally and the woman's age." See Resource 4.
-In-vitro fertilization treatments (the most technologically advanced method of conceiving, if all else fails) cost around $12,400, and women may need several rounds of IVF to concieve, if they conceive at all. "IVF simply may never work for some older women." See Resource 4.
Derek and I decided when we first got married that we'd like to wait two or three years to have children, just to give us time to get some debt paid off and get used to being married before adding a baby into the mix.
I think most couples today look at a variety of factors when considering when to have children. Those factors may include when they'll be in a good financial situation, when they'll be emotionally ready, where they want to be in their careers before they have children, and it sometimes includes a list of things that they would like to do or explore before having a baby.
But how many of us really consider fertility in our decision of when to have children?
No one really likes to talk about this for some reason, and those who do may be considered pessimistic. But the chances of conceiving decrease the older you get. You won't be infinitely fertile, and the hard fact is that you won't be able to have a baby whenever you want in life.
Why is it that we micro-analyze every other factor of when to have children, but we somehow overlook the most important and practical aspect of that decision - the question of "Will I still be fertile at the time when we want to have our first baby?"
I must admit that I am guilty of this myself. Before we were married, when Derek and I discussed our timeline of having children, the concept of how our fertility would decrease over time didn't even enter the equation. I can't believe I never thought of that before, as I think of it now.
Twenty-seven. Fertility starts to decrease for us women at the age of twenty-seven. I don't know where the rest of you young married ladies are, but that only gives me a few more years before it becomes even harder to have a baby. As if I weren't having enough trouble now.
Sure, there are alot of celebrities who have babies after age forty. But they are the exception, and we don't know how much time and money went into making that possible. Sure, there are many women who get pregnant without any help after 35, but the chances of that happening are far less than if they had started earlier (about 30% as opposed to 50%, Resource 2). And for many couples it just never happens, because they waited too long.
As for me, a woman in my early twenties who is already having struggles with her fertility, I urge you young married ladies out there who are in the midst of deciding when to have children to seriously consider your own fertility as an aspect of that decision. You may be one of those women who can conceive easily at a later age. But then again, you may not be. It's something every couple should have in their minds when making the decision of timing, and the goal of this post is just to get you all thinking about it.
I want each of you to experience every joy that life has to offer, and every blessing the Lord has to give you, but especially the gift of children. And I would hate to see anyone miss out on that blessing because no one brought the fertility factor to their attention when they were still young enough to do something about it.
I'd like to end this post with a quote from Start Your Family. I found this quote to be very encouraging, especially for those of us already struggling with fertility problems. We should be wise concerning our fertility and the timing of babies - but God is still (and always will be) in control, in spite of the struggles we face, even when they result from our own mistakes.
"As I wrote this chapter I thought my fertility window was closing - or more accurately, slamming shut - but then something happened.
Psalm 103 praises the God, "who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle." "He Himself knows our frame," the psalmist instructs, "He is mindful that we are but dust . . . But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him." (5, 14, 17, NASB). We serve a wonder-working God. That's what my doctors - all three of them - concluded when, after three sets of blood tests that confirmed my childbearing years were over, I got pregnant. They all said the same thing: "It's a miracle."
And so as my belly swells, even as I finish the edits on this chapter, I'm reminded that it's our job to be faithful to learn the facts about our bodies and make the most of our fertility. But I also know that God is sovereign over all. It's up to us to do what we can. Then we can trust Him for the rest. We are not without hope."
-Candice Watters, Start Your Family, page 89. Emphasis mine.
Resources:
1. Watters, Steve and Candice; Starting Your Family: Inspiration For Having Babies. Moody Publishers, 2009. Buy the book here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0802458300?ie=UTF8&tag=helgetmar-20&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0802458300.
2. de Vries, Lloyd; "Fertility: Less Time Than You Think", CBSNews.com, April 30, 2002. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/04/30/health/main507580.shtml .
3. Gibbs, Nancy; "Making Time For A Baby". Time.com, April 15, 2002. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1002217-2,00.html.
4. Stenson, Jacqueline; "Have Kids? Sure . . .Someday". MSNBC.com, June 6, 2007. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17937795/ns/health-pregnancy//.
5. Image from the American Society For Reproductive Medicine Ad Campaign. Image has been cropped for easier viewing on this page. See original ad here: http://www.protectyourfertility.org/pdfs/4up.pdf.
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