
Well, another one bites the dust.
Yesterday I was browsing through my Bloglovin' feed, and I saw that another one of the bloggers that I follow has decided to call it quits. I won't link to her post here, because it was a fairly new-to-me blog, and her site will be set to private in the next few days anyway. Every time I see a blogger decide to step back from blogging, it makes me a little introspective. It's a good thing to periodically reflect on my blog thus far and evaluate my priorities, I just wish the trigger wasn't always a negative one.

Regardless, I was thinking over this blogger's reasons for quitting, and thinking over my own reasons for continuing to blog over the years. My reasons for blogging now are really the same as when I started it in the first place. I like to write. I like to create something pretty, either with words or photographs, and I like to share when I do. I like to have this creative outlet for myself, this place to think things through, or stretch myself, or reflect some bit of my life that I don't want to forget. I like to make friends with people who may be very different from me, but also kind of the same.
The blog has gone through stages, morphed a bit to fit whatever phase I was going through in my life, but it always comes back to these reasons. I'm just very thankful that it remains a safe place for me to do those things, that it remains functional for my purposes. I don't think every blogger can say that.

That Time I Tried To Grow My Blog
There was a period of time when I was actively trying to grow this blog and earn a little money from it - partly because the extra income was helpful at that time, partly because everyone was doing it. And didn't I need to monetize and professionalize this blog to be taken seriously as a blogger? When I realized that trying to make this into a job was making the whole thing a chore for me, I reevaluated then too and came back to my original purposes.
You know, the funny thing is, during that period of time, I wasn't quite sure what I was doing wrong. Why wasn't my blog growing the way so many others were? Why did it feel like I had to fight so hard for each new follower? It honestly was a discouraging thing to me.
But now that I am successfully past that stage and fully over the desire to grow for growth's sake, I'm actually really glad that my blog didn't grow. Ultimately it was God's grace to me to keep this space small.

Graces Of Staying Small
Grace #1: I've had limited nastiness to deal with.
I don't worry about a lot of the things bigger blogs have to deal with as a matter of course. I haven't had the stress of nasty comments because I have only encountered a handful of trolls in my eleven (!) years of blogging.
My husband sometimes asks me not to write about a controversial topic that is weighing on me, because he knows that I am not built to handle alot of conflict. While I have strong opinions that I am willing to share, and I never write anything that I am not willing to stick by, often handling the discussions, even when they are good discussions, is emotionally taxing on me. I am blessed that I haven't had to deal with much meanness, and that even when we disagree, almost every discussion I've had with people on this blog has remained respectful.
I can't claim anything I did as a strategy for a positive blog environment, I fully credit it to the Lord keeping my blog mostly in a bubble, keeping it small, and only bringing the people who needed to read it.
Grace #2: I am a terrible receiver of glory.
A couple of months ago I read something in a book that immediately made me realize anew that it was the grace of God that my blog didn't grow. This is what I read:
"Being glorious is for God. Giving glory is a human task....We bring glory, we give glory, we reflect glory. But we are terrible receivers of it. We cannot hold glory because it was never meant for us. We are given glory to give it to our Maker. This is our task. This is our purpose. If a pipe has no outlet for the water, it is pointless and it will burst. When a person receives glory and has no place to give it, they will burst. When they have only a little glory that they don’t know what to do with, they go sadly stagnant...I only have a little, and I am doing nothing with it. Or, I have much, but it has destroyed me. These are not good options." -Rachel Jankovic, You Who?
This passage resonated with me so much, because I know in my heart that if I received too much glory, I wouldn't give it all over to God. I'd hoard some of it for myself, and in the end, I think it would ruin me, and it would ruin this blog. I know myself well enough to say this one thing: I don't need any help being prideful, and I don't need something else to be prideful about. The Lord knows that too, and I think He saved me from some rather serious humbling by keeping me from the opportunity to be puffed up by my blog in the first place.
Grace #3: I am still writing to friends.
I remember in my first year of blogging, I told my mom that I hoped I never got more than a certain number of followers, because then it would be hard for me to respond and keep up with everyone else's blogs. And while more people read this blog now than my original (very small) desired number, somehow the spirit of that thought has held steady. I haven't had a conversation with every person who reads this blog regularly, because some people never comment. But I personally know (in an online, virtual sense) a good percentage of the people who are reading this right now, and I love that I can say that.
I am thankful for everyone who reads my rather unpolished, small-blogger thoughts, thankful for those who have stuck around through the years. And if you're reading this, I am thankful for you. I'm glad this blog is still small and cozy and perfect for me. It is a beautiful thing to still feel as if I am writing to friends.
As long as I can say that, and as long as I still need to get my thoughts out into written words (which will probably be forever, let's be honest), I don't plan on going anywhere.

So there's another periodic blog evaluation in the books!
I guess you're all still stuck with me. *wink*
Any thoughts about writing, or blog size, or unexpected graces? I'd love to hear what you think!


I was excited when I saw a book available for review called "I'm Happy For You . . . Sort Of . . . Not Really" by Kay Willis Wyma. Don't you love that title? I'm not going to lie, I have secretly had those feelings in that exact order. Many times.


The other day we went to pick up our van from the shop. This year, December seems to be the month for things to break. Both of our cars have broken down, Derek's computer crashed, my iPad died a sudden death, and Harvey had a horrible ear infection that resulted in his needing surgery. Then everyone got sick right before Christmas, but that is another story for another day.
Anyway, Derek jumped out of the car to get the keys to our van and walked around the corner, but in the next instant he was back, his phone pressed to his ear. He waved at me from the front of our car, pointed to his phone, and mouthed something to me.
And just like that, Derek got another job! We are starting this New Year with Derek no longer unemployed! I didn't want to say anything until the official paperwork went through, and Derek got the job offer in print a few days before Christmas!
We feel so blessed right now. The Lord has taken care of us and helped us make ends meet during the last few weeks, and now Derek will start his new job exactly two weeks after the last of his unused vacation pay comes in! His new job will be as an accountant with the state, and it sounds like it is going to be a great fit.
I can't even explain how loved we have felt over the last few weeks. From my mom buying us grocery, to my sister helping us with some expenses, to a mysterious person paying the fees for my spring semester of MOPS, I have never felt so . . . seen. Like people care about our family enough to see where we are and meet the needs we had without our even needing to ask. I totally broke down and cried the other day, just because it is a good feeling - to be seen.
I want to thank you all for your encouraging words and prayers since I posted about our situation on the blog. Sometimes I wonder if I should share some things, but I am so glad I did, because everyone's support has meant the world to me.
I just want say that through this short (Praise the Lord!) time, you all have inspired me to make sure that I am looking around me for those who might need encouragement. Sometimes people try to hold it together when they are really incredibly worried and stressed, so you might not even realize someone needs kind words or a little help until you offer it. Even if someone doesn't let on, those little gestures of love you give to someone have the power to turn a bad day into a knowledge that they are cared for - that someone sees them. That is being the hands and feet of Jesus to those around you - a reminder of His love to those who know Him, and a glimpse of His grace to those who haven't met Him yet. And that is a beautiful thing.
With Thanksgiving coming up (tomorrow!), I've been thinking about how I want to teach my kids to be thankful to God for their blessings. There are so many creative ways to do that, and maybe I'll compile a list of ideas at a future time, but today I just wanted to write about some things that I want my kids to be thankful for. I think when we consistently demonstrate gratitude and talk to kids about specific blessings, they are more likely to be thankful for those things as they grow.
I want them to be thankful for Jesus, and what He did on the cross for us. I think it is so fitting that a holiday all about being thankful to God falls right before the season where we celebrate the birth of His Son. It is so important to me that I teach my kids about Jesus's sacrifice in coming to earth and dying for our sins (and rising again!), and I think Thanksgiving provides a great opportunity to refocus on that right before the Christmas craziness!
I want my kids to be thankful for living in America. I still believe that America is the greatest nation on earth, with more opportunities and freedoms than any other place in the world. It is an extraordinary blessing to be born and raised in such a country, that recognizes our God-given rights and has a rich heritage and history of being founded on biblical principles. They also have the opportunity to control their own government, and not very many people can say that. Only a small percentage of people in the world have what we have in this country, and I want my kids to know and appreciate that.
I want them to be thankful for their family, including their extended family. For some it may be hard to be grateful for family, because although family members can be a source of some of the greatest blessings, they can also be involved in some of the deepest pains. But God placed us in families for a reason, and it is a blessing to have living family and good family relationships. Families are messy, but they are also priceless, and I want my kids to know how blessed they are to have a family that loves them.
I want my kids to be thankful for material blessings. This is probably one of the most common categories of things that people might be thankful for on Thanksgiving, but it's important. I heard a statistic that if you make more than $34,000 a year, you are in the top 1% of wage earners in the world. That is for individuals, not families, but it still puts things into perspective. I want my kids to know what a blessing it is just to be warm and filled, because so many don't have even that. Gratitude also promotes generosity, so I hope knowing how blessed they are in material ways will prompt them to also give to others.
I want them to be thankful for God's Word. I wrote about this earlier this week, but the Bible is such a gift. God's written word is what allows us to know about Him and to know Him personally. I can't imagine not having it, and I want my kids to grow to love and be thankful for God's Word.
The first step in helping kids become grateful for the things that matter is to show that you are grateful for them. It is so important to give thanksgiving to God for the things He has given us throughout the year, not just on Thanksgiving. When we give thanks to God for our blessings in front of our kids, that genuine gratitude will rub off on them as well.
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

It was late afternoon, and I had the windows rolled down. I could hear the birds chirping outside the window, and the leaves were rustling with the breeze in that ever-so-slightly dry way that signals that summer is winding down.
I had just finished whipping up a batch of cream cheese frosting for the carrot cake I had made. I had chili simmering on the stove. Clyde was positioned on my hip, and I managed to get the beaters off the mixer with one hand. I took a lick of the frosting to taste it, and then I called Wyatt and Gwen over and gave them a taste.
They bounced up and down while I let them lick the beaters dry, and then we heard Derek's truck pull up the driveway outside the window.
"Daddy's home!"
Little feet running toward the door.
Happy squeals and shouts of "Hi Dad!", as I followed the kids to greet Derek.
And I had one of those moments. One of those "I can't believe this is my life" moments. My mind flashed back to several years earlier, and a guest post I had written for my blog friend Anna where I talked about a June Cleaver moment like this. Greeting my husband with the sound of little feet and a baby on my hip.
And suddenly it didn't matter that my June Cleaver moment included me in sweatpants.
It didn't matter that Clyde had been crying all day and that was the reason I was holding him while making frosting.
It didn't matter that the rolled-down windows had led to a shortened nap time when a thunderstorm woke up two of the kids.
It didn't matter that the chili and cake had been my sole accomplishments that day.
Because in that moment, I remembered. I remembered how much I wanted a moment just like this in those early days.
I think as moms it can be easy to get so caught up in the daily tasks that we forget to look around and see what we have. We can focus so much on all the things that are going wrong that we forget to notice the things that are right. In moments of frustration we shoot up prayers that the Lord would just let our day go smoother, and we forget to shoot up prayers of thanks for frosting faces, babies that just want to be with mama all day, and husbands that work to make it all possible.
The light turned on in that moment, and I looked around and saw that I had the things I most wished for all those years ago. Any remnants of frustration melted away, and instead of feeling like crying because I hadn't even had time to get dressed properly before Derek got home, I felt like crying because I remembered.
I remembered that I didn't always wish for perfect days. I always wished for these sweet little people that fill my crazy days now.
I stopped right then and thanked God, because I remembered that I have what I always wanted, and it's okay if it's not picture perfect. It's a beautifully blessed life that He's given me, and somehow the imperfections make me like it even better.
I was told before we had Clyde that the transition from two to three kids is the hardest. I tended to just brush that off. People told me going from one to two was hard, but that transition went pretty easily for me, so I wasn't going to worry too much.
Well, now, I have to say that they are right. But they are also wrong.
On the one hand, I feel like three has been much easier. I remember all of the new baby stuff from my other two, and the recovery and settling in after baby has gone much more smoothly. I feel like we have fallen into a nice rhythm with Clyde's feedings and sleep schedule, and it doesn't seem as hard to get up with him in the middle of the night as it did with the other two.
Derek was just saying the other day that he feels like going from two to three hasn't been hard at all, that it seems pretty much the same with the two of us handling all the kids. And I have to agree - when it's Derek and me, I feel like we've got everything really under control, and it hasn't been a hard adjustment.
On the other hand, Derek isn't always here, and I've found that the transition has been hardest when I've had to take care of all three by myself. Somehow I didn't feel overwhelmed by two kids (maybe because I have two hands?), but three leaves me feeling outnumbered. It's just tricky to balance the needs of all three when they all three need something from me at the same time. Wyatt is the easiest right now, because he is older and he is able to do more things by himself, and I feel bad because he doesn't get as much attention/help as the other two who can't do as much.
When Clyde was about a week old, I took all three kids to MOPS and the grocery store. By myself. It was probably a little nuts to try that so early, and honestly I'm not sure we would have even made it out the door if Derek wasn't there to help get us going. But it went okay. We handled MOPS alright, and then I somehow managed to get all three kids in and out of the store, picking up a pretty good load of groceries in the process.
By the time I got home I was exhausted, and I decided we'd wait a while before trying that again. But all three kids went down for a nap, and I joined them, and our afternoon ended up being quite nice. I think that's how it's been mostly - chaos, chaos, chaos, followed by sweet moments of harmony.
Overall, it's only been two and a half weeks. I'm still figuring it out. Give me another month and I'll probably have more constructive things to say.
But I do have to say one thing now - that quote I shared a while ago still holds true. My hands are full . . . but my heart is even more full.
When Clyde passes out on my shoulder, his little nose tickling my neck - my heart is full.
When Gwendolyn picks out a book, crawls on my lap, and looks so intently as I describe each picture to her - my heart is full.
When Wyatt brings me the play doh or his paints, and we set him up at the table while he asks me to say "Humpty Dumpty" with him one more time - my heart is full.
I look over, and I see the sun streaming in the windows, shining on my two little toddlers lining up their toys so seriously, while my newborn swings and looks at the sky. It's moments like those when it hits me that all the work and tears and chaos are nothing in comparison to these incredible little blessings.
I don't deserve them. I thank God for the chance to be a mama to all three of them. There is nowhere else I'd rather be, and nothing else I'd rather do.


And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His name.
And His mercy is on those who fear Him
From generation to generation.
He has shown strength with His arm;
He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He has put down the mighty from their thrones,
And exalted the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has helped His servant Israel,
In remembrance of His mercy,
As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed forever.”





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This post is part of a new Friday series I'm starting, in which I'm going to try to bring a little more of my "real life" back to the blog. Real life stories, real life happenings, real life struggles, real life lessons. Because these are the things my kids will want to read someday, and these are the things I will want to remember.

I know so many girls who have been through (or are going through) so much more than I have to get their babies. "Fertility problems" probably more accurately describes my situation - I'm just not a very fertile woman, and my body doesn't like to function properly. You can read more about our trying-to-conceive stories here and here.
I know you ladies who have been reading a while know my heart on this. I'm not trying to be melodramatic or claim to know what it would be like to be medically "infertile" - but I relate so much more to ladies who have struggled than to those who have not. Since I'm in an uncomfortable middle place, I just lump myself into the side I can relate to most.
I hope that makes sense and my use of the word "infertility" doesn't rub anyone the wrong way, because my heart truly is with all of you who have struggled or are struggling to conceive, and I pray for those of you I know who are struggling whenever I think of you!

I have a confession . . .
Sometimes I just don't want to blog.
Sometimes I want to take a long bath and make my hair look all pretty and paint my toe nails.
Sometimes I want to sit down and read a good book. Like these:
Sometimes I want to sit out in the sunshine and try to get my legs to tan. I don't usually tan - I burn. But I slather on the tanning oil and sit out in the sun anyway in the hopes that I can at least get enough color to not look like I never leave my basement.
Sometimes I want to chase my kids around the house with a camera, tickle Gwen to hear that belly laugh just one more time, or jump around the house with Wyatt pretending to be Tigger.
Sometimes I just want to hang out with this guy.
Sometimes I want to clean and organize my house, and I feel so much better when I do.
Sometimes I want to go do something with a friend and get myself and the kids out of the house.
(My friend Ashley - we went to the pottery studio last week!)
So sometimes, when I don't blog . . . that is why.
Sometimes you have to give the blog a back seat to this lovely thing called life.














