3 hours ago
Showing posts with label Blessings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blessings. Show all posts
Well, another one bites the dust.
Yesterday I was browsing through my Bloglovin' feed, and I saw that another one of the bloggers that I follow has decided to call it quits. I won't link to her post here, because it was a fairly new-to-me blog, and her site will be set to private in the next few days anyway. Every time I see a blogger decide to step back from blogging, it makes me a little introspective. It's a good thing to periodically reflect on my blog thus far and evaluate my priorities, I just wish the trigger wasn't always a negative one.
(It's still July, so that means I can still use sparkler pictures in this post, right?)
Regardless, I was thinking over this blogger's reasons for quitting, and thinking over my own reasons for continuing to blog over the years. My reasons for blogging now are really the same as when I started it in the first place. I like to write. I like to create something pretty, either with words or photographs, and I like to share when I do. I like to have this creative outlet for myself, this place to think things through, or stretch myself, or reflect some bit of my life that I don't want to forget. I like to make friends with people who may be very different from me, but also kind of the same.
The blog has gone through stages, morphed a bit to fit whatever phase I was going through in my life, but it always comes back to these reasons. I'm just very thankful that it remains a safe place for me to do those things, that it remains functional for my purposes. I don't think every blogger can say that.
That Time I Tried To Grow My Blog
There was a period of time when I was actively trying to grow this blog and earn a little money from it - partly because the extra income was helpful at that time, partly because everyone was doing it. And didn't I need to monetize and professionalize this blog to be taken seriously as a blogger? When I realized that trying to make this into a job was making the whole thing a chore for me, I reevaluated then too and came back to my original purposes.
You know, the funny thing is, during that period of time, I wasn't quite sure what I was doing wrong. Why wasn't my blog growing the way so many others were? Why did it feel like I had to fight so hard for each new follower? It honestly was a discouraging thing to me.
But now that I am successfully past that stage and fully over the desire to grow for growth's sake, I'm actually really glad that my blog didn't grow. Ultimately it was God's grace to me to keep this space small.
Graces Of Staying Small
Grace #1: I've had limited nastiness to deal with.
I don't worry about a lot of the things bigger blogs have to deal with as a matter of course. I haven't had the stress of nasty comments because I have only encountered a handful of trolls in my eleven (!) years of blogging.
My husband sometimes asks me not to write about a controversial topic that is weighing on me, because he knows that I am not built to handle alot of conflict. While I have strong opinions that I am willing to share, and I never write anything that I am not willing to stick by, often handling the discussions, even when they are good discussions, is emotionally taxing on me. I am blessed that I haven't had to deal with much meanness, and that even when we disagree, almost every discussion I've had with people on this blog has remained respectful.
I can't claim anything I did as a strategy for a positive blog environment, I fully credit it to the Lord keeping my blog mostly in a bubble, keeping it small, and only bringing the people who needed to read it.
Grace #2: I am a terrible receiver of glory.
A couple of months ago I read something in a book that immediately made me realize anew that it was the grace of God that my blog didn't grow. This is what I read:
"Being glorious is for God. Giving glory is a human task....We bring glory, we give glory, we reflect glory. But we are terrible receivers of it. We cannot hold glory because it was never meant for us. We are given glory to give it to our Maker. This is our task. This is our purpose. If a pipe has no outlet for the water, it is pointless and it will burst. When a person receives glory and has no place to give it, they will burst. When they have only a little glory that they don’t know what to do with, they go sadly stagnant...I only have a little, and I am doing nothing with it. Or, I have much, but it has destroyed me. These are not good options." -Rachel Jankovic, You Who?
This passage resonated with me so much, because I know in my heart that if I received too much glory, I wouldn't give it all over to God. I'd hoard some of it for myself, and in the end, I think it would ruin me, and it would ruin this blog. I know myself well enough to say this one thing: I don't need any help being prideful, and I don't need something else to be prideful about. The Lord knows that too, and I think He saved me from some rather serious humbling by keeping me from the opportunity to be puffed up by my blog in the first place.
Grace #3: I am still writing to friends.
I remember in my first year of blogging, I told my mom that I hoped I never got more than a certain number of followers, because then it would be hard for me to respond and keep up with everyone else's blogs. And while more people read this blog now than my original (very small) desired number, somehow the spirit of that thought has held steady. I haven't had a conversation with every person who reads this blog regularly, because some people never comment. But I personally know (in an online, virtual sense) a good percentage of the people who are reading this right now, and I love that I can say that.
I am thankful for everyone who reads my rather unpolished, small-blogger thoughts, thankful for those who have stuck around through the years. And if you're reading this, I am thankful for you. I'm glad this blog is still small and cozy and perfect for me. It is a beautiful thing to still feel as if I am writing to friends.
As long as I can say that, and as long as I still need to get my thoughts out into written words (which will probably be forever, let's be honest), I don't plan on going anywhere.
So there's another periodic blog evaluation in the books!
I guess you're all still stuck with me. *wink*
Any thoughts about writing, or blog size, or unexpected graces? I'd love to hear what you think!
I'm sitting down with a bowl of salad and scrolling through my Facebook feed. I have carefully curated my feed to make sure that I will only see updates that I want to see - updates on what my good friends are doing, pictures of their cute kids, interesting articles. I have blocked all complain-y posts and I'm not friends with anyone who annoys me, so it's about as harmless as a Facebook feed can get.
But as I scroll, there is a small knot in my stomach that twists a little.
Oh, she got to go to Hawaii? How fun is that? Why can't we afford Hawaii?
Oh my goodness, look at her adorable baby. Perfectly styled, no less. I need to buy new outfits and take new pictures of the kids.
Oh, the newlyweds are on another date night. I think they've had about five date nights since Derek and I went out last. Was that three or four months ago?
Suddenly I am feeling a little jealous and much less content with my life.
And you know what, I can't even blame my Facebook feed - it's carefully curated, remember? I want to see this stuff. No, the problem isn't with social media or anything else. It's with me.
I have a comparison problem.
I know I am not the only one who struggles with comparison - this is a hot topic. But no matter how many articles I read on the subject, no matter how much I am reminded that I have it pretty darn good too, it is still hard not to let that knot twist me into a discontented mess.
(Note: I received a copy of this book for free in exchange for a review.)
I was excited when I saw a book available for review called "I'm Happy For You . . . Sort Of . . . Not Really" by Kay Willis Wyma. Don't you love that title? I'm not going to lie, I have secretly had those feelings in that exact order. Many times.
This book was so helpful to me in this struggle with comparison. As I was reading through it I was more aware of comparison than I normally am, and I realized just how much it affects my day-to-day happiness. When I am so focused one what everyone else is doing, it's harder to be happy for the things I have, and this book brought sharply into focus for me.
The chapters addressed different areas of comparison and reasons why this is such a struggle in our modern culture. One thing that stood out to me in this book is that comparing to others is the way we can be sucked into the sin of coveting. Whenever we desire something that someone else has (often through comparing what we have to what they have and coming up wanting), we are coveting. Comparison doesn't just "steal our joy", it is also a gateway into sin.
I love the solution this book offers to the comparison problem - to say "I'm happy for you" and mean it. Without a hint of sarcasm. It's not easy to do, but the book made me realize that being happy for someone isn't just something I feel, it is something I actively choose to do.
It's hard to pick a favorite chapter because the whole book was so good, but I really appreciated the chapter on the need to belong. This chapter was a good wake-up call to me that people want to feel known. It should have been obvious to me, because I know that I want others to notice and encourage me - so of course other people want the same. I felt challenged to look at those around me with fresh eyes, notice what makes them unique, and maybe even tell them. I want to be the person who can make someone else feel noticed and special.
Since I started reading this book I have been trying to truly be happy for those around me. So when I scroll through my Facebook feed, my goal is to turn off the train of thought that will lead me to be jealous of my friends, and instead smile to myself at their blessings.
And the one thing that has helped me most in overcoming the comparison game?
I like the status update and comment with something encouraging.
It is really hard not to be happy for someone when you focus on crafting a non-sarcastic, truly happy comment. It's the perfect solution because it encourages them, and I feel my own heart changing in the process. It's a chance to slow down and remember that I do really care about this person, and I am really happy for them, regardless of my own situation. It takes my eyes off me, and puts it onto others - and maybe even directs my mind to God as I shoot up a "thanks for blessing my friend" prayer.
So the next time you find yourself feeling a little jealous as you scroll through your social media feed? Type out a nice comment and mean it. I know it's made Facebook a lot more fun for me!
Do you struggle with comparison and jealousy on social media? What do you do to overcome it?
Note: I received a copy of "I'm Happy For You" for free in exchange for a review. This is my honest opinion.
(Also, yes, I didn't paint my toes for this picture. (1) It's the dead of winter, and (2) no time.)
With Thanksgiving coming up (tomorrow!), I've been thinking about how I want to teach my kids to be thankful to God for their blessings. There are so many creative ways to do that, and maybe I'll compile a list of ideas at a future time, but today I just wanted to write about some things that I want my kids to be thankful for. I think when we consistently demonstrate gratitude and talk to kids about specific blessings, they are more likely to be thankful for those things as they grow.
I want them to be thankful for Jesus, and what He did on the cross for us. I think it is so fitting that a holiday all about being thankful to God falls right before the season where we celebrate the birth of His Son. It is so important to me that I teach my kids about Jesus's sacrifice in coming to earth and dying for our sins (and rising again!), and I think Thanksgiving provides a great opportunity to refocus on that right before the Christmas craziness!
I want my kids to be thankful for living in America. I still believe that America is the greatest nation on earth, with more opportunities and freedoms than any other place in the world. It is an extraordinary blessing to be born and raised in such a country, that recognizes our God-given rights and has a rich heritage and history of being founded on biblical principles. They also have the opportunity to control their own government, and not very many people can say that. Only a small percentage of people in the world have what we have in this country, and I want my kids to know and appreciate that.
I want them to be thankful for their family, including their extended family. For some it may be hard to be grateful for family, because although family members can be a source of some of the greatest blessings, they can also be involved in some of the deepest pains. But God placed us in families for a reason, and it is a blessing to have living family and good family relationships. Families are messy, but they are also priceless, and I want my kids to know how blessed they are to have a family that loves them.
I want my kids to be thankful for material blessings. This is probably one of the most common categories of things that people might be thankful for on Thanksgiving, but it's important. I heard a statistic that if you make more than $34,000 a year, you are in the top 1% of wage earners in the world. That is for individuals, not families, but it still puts things into perspective. I want my kids to know what a blessing it is just to be warm and filled, because so many don't have even that. Gratitude also promotes generosity, so I hope knowing how blessed they are in material ways will prompt them to also give to others.
I want them to be thankful for God's Word. I wrote about this earlier this week, but the Bible is such a gift. God's written word is what allows us to know about Him and to know Him personally. I can't imagine not having it, and I want my kids to grow to love and be thankful for God's Word.
The first step in helping kids become grateful for the things that matter is to show that you are grateful for them. It is so important to give thanksgiving to God for the things He has given us throughout the year, not just on Thanksgiving. When we give thanks to God for our blessings in front of our kids, that genuine gratitude will rub off on them as well.
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I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
I push the hair out of my eyes and squint at the clock on my bedside table, barely registering a number starting with 4. A little voice comes squealing through the baby monitor, and I bite back a sigh.
I flip the covers back and climb the stairs, the dog following close behind, thinking about how soundly I used to sleep back in the day. I open the door and turn on the light and she gives me a squinty-eyed look and desperate little whimper. I go pick her up and hand her a blanket, ready for screams when I tell her she's fine and she needs to go back to sleep.
But before I can say anything she tucks her head into the place between my chin and my collar bone, eyes closed, sucking away on her tiny thumb. I melt a little and forget what I was going to say.
All of a sudden I can't put her down, so we stand there and rock for a few minutes. I think I could stay there forever, but I know I better get back to bed myself, so I lay her quiet form down and tuck her back in.
I collapse in my own bed and fall asleep again almost immediately, but a couple hours later I hear a familiar, thump, thump, thump, coming down the stairs, the signal that my rest is almost over. I roll over and open my eyes, and two little brown ones stare back at me over the edge of the bed.
I ask if he wants to climb in bed with me, and he nods his head - this is our routine. I hoist him off the floor and deposit him into the spot next to me where he always sits after his daddy has gone for the day. I settle him against the pillows and pull a blanket up to his chin, but he isn't satisfied because he "f'got blanket". His favorite blanket isn't in sight. I tell him I'll get it and climb the stairs again in the dim beginnings of morning light.
Once he has his blanket he settles down with his toy car, his balloon, and his thumb in his mouth. This is our time together before the day begins.
As I close my eyes with my son curled up next to me, not all is quiet - another son of mine tosses and turns and kicks, trying to get comfortable inside my womb. Only I know, his movements and habits our secret for now.
He settles down, and I settle down, and the house is quiet until the sun bursts through the window a little while later. One little voice calls from upstairs again, one little voice jabbers about brushing teeth, and one little kick greets me with "good morning, Mama".
No, I don't sleep like I used to. But I wouldn't change a thing.
Today is Thanksgiving. A day when people all over the country take time to reflect on the things that they are thankful for. I love making lists of things we are thankful for on Thanksgiving, but I think it can be easy to focus so much on the things, especially material blessings, that we forget about Who gave us these things.
This day isn't about the turkey, or football games, or even spending time with family. This is a day to give thanks to God, not only for the blessings He has given us, but for who He is and what He has done. It should be a day not only of thanks, but also of praise - not just for listing blessings, but for reflecting and remembering what a great God we serve and thanking Him for everything that He is.
One of my favorite passages of Scripture around Thanksgiving and Christmas is Mary's song in Luke 1:47-55:
“My soul magnifies the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His name.
And His mercy is on those who fear Him
From generation to generation.
He has shown strength with His arm;
He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He has put down the mighty from their thrones,
And exalted the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has helped His servant Israel,
In remembrance of His mercy,
As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed forever.”
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His name.
And His mercy is on those who fear Him
From generation to generation.
He has shown strength with His arm;
He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He has put down the mighty from their thrones,
And exalted the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has helped His servant Israel,
In remembrance of His mercy,
As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed forever.”
The lyrics of one of my favorite Christmas songs, Magnificat on Todd Agnew's Christmas CD, is based on this passage. You can listen to it here. I feel like it presents Mary's song so beautifully, but it resonates with me so much because of how it focuses on God and His work.
He has done great things for me, and for you. Even if you have nothing but the clothes on your back, this is true. We are entering into the Christmas season, when we celebrate the fact that He became a man, so he could die for us. So He could rise from the dead and save us. That is a great thing. It is the greatest thing.
God and who He is right at the top of my list, right along with this mighty thing that He has done for us. I'm so glad to serve such a strong, holy, and merciful God as this.
The other day I was scrolling through one of my social network feeds, and I came across a photo of a postpartum belly with stretch marks.
The caption on the photo is what caught my attention - it said "For every woman who is unhappy with her postpartum marks is another who wishes she had them."
Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while know that it wasn't easy for me to get pregnant with either of my children - and I loved this quote because it is so true, and it's something I have thought often about similar pregnancy and postpartum "complaints".
I read through some of the comments on the photo, because I felt it made such a good point - and many of the comments were from people analyzing this poor girl's stretch marks - how far postpartum was she, her habits during pregnancy, and those "thank goodness I didn't get stretch marks like that" type comments.
I was a bit taken aback. First of all because her belly really didn't look bad - my stretch marks are worse, at least at the moment. But secondly because it seemed as if these people were completely missing the point.
Yes, pregnancy can be uncomfortable, even painful. And yes, your body will never be the same afterward. But to have a child, to carry them in your womb? It's a privilege to be able to experience any of it at all, even the unpleasant sides of child-bearing. There are women out there who wish more than anything that they could have a few stretch marks on their bellies.
I feel so blessed to have the stretch marks, even as bad as they are. They are a reminder of what I once thought I might never have - my greatest earthly gifts, my children.
There is no way I would change any of it.
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I wanted to share this poem I found as well, because it is beautiful, and it fits in nicely with my feelings on the subject of stretch marks . . .
"When I put on my bikini,
I get all kinds of stares.
They don't know how I can act
like they're not even there.
They once were red as fire,
and although they'll slowly fade
They'll always remind me of
the life that we once made.
I've got a mark for every worry,
and trust there were not few.
One for each and every time
you kicked me while you grew.
A stripe for each chubby cheek,
10 fingers and 10 toes.
Another for the times I've held you tight
and kissed your nose.
I watched my body swell so large
while you grew big inside
and I couldn't care much less about them,
blinded by my pride.
Now they remind me of your smiles
and the hairs atop your head,
And someday they'll remind me
of the funny things you said.
They're my zebra stripes, my stretch marks,
my war and battle scars,
And I'll never be too bothered
because I know that you are ours.
They may not be too flattering
to my midsection, it's true,
But I'd get them again all over
if it meant that I'd get you."
-Poem by Caitlyn Blake, shared with permission.
Originally posted here and also shared on Birth Without Fear
This day before Thanksgiving I'm . . .
. . . making sweet potato casserole. The best Thanksgiving dish ever. At least I kind of think so.
. . . making deviled eggs too. With paprika. Because it's just not pretty without paprika.
. . . hoping Derek and I can resist the temptation to eat aforementioned Thanksgiving Day fare before tomorrow.
. . . cleaning my messy house, or at least attempting to, because I have this thing about my house being clean on holidays.
. . . filing away the last of the photos from Wyatt's first year in a photo album - and maybe I'll get a start on his second year.
. . . starting a project for Baby Girl's room to organize the headbands I plan to buy and/or make her.
. . . thinking it might be a good day to try to watch our childbirth video with Derek as a review.
. . . forming my Black Friday game plan. Which includes buying a new vacuum since ours broke.
. . . thinking it's pretty cool that our church does a Thanksgiving Day service, and wondering if we can go tomorrow if we strategize.
. . . planning for the weekend, when we get out our Christmas decorations.
And this day before Thanksgiving I'm thinking how thankful I am that . . .
. . . sweet potatoes and eggs exist, and we are blessed to be able to afford them.
. . . I have a wonderful husband to swat away from the food.
. . . we have a roof over our heads (and over our messiness).
. . . we've been blessed with our precious son for almost two years now, and for all the memories in the photos.
. . . I have a Baby Girl to buy headbands for, and decorate a nursery for, and dream about.
. . . this pregnancy has been so healthy and uneventful so far, and that my family is healthy.
. . . my vacuum broke right before Black Friday. Could I ask for better timing? I think not!
. . . we live in a country where we are free to gather and worship God as we please.
. . . the reason we decorate for Christmas in the first place is because we're celebrating the fact that God became a baby, Who grew into a man, Who died on the cross to pay for our sins, and Who rose to life again. Who is coming again someday.
Today I'm reminded of everything I've been given, and I thank God for it. And I thank Him for who He is. Because He is good.
. . . and spice, and everything nice!
We're having a sweet baby GIRL! We are so happy and excited!
More details on the gender reveal party to follow!
I got this idea from Krystle and Claire, and I had to do it myself!
I think this is appropriate thing to post the day before Thanksgiving, because I am very thankful to live where I do, and very thankful for the upbringing I had.
I am so thankful the Lord has allowed me to be a wife and mother.
I’m thankful to share this life with a man as amazing as Derek.
I’m thankful for my sweet and happy son, and the chance to give my children a blessed childhood like I had.
I truly am eternally grateful that “Jesus loves me” and “family will forever be there”.
I'm thankful that this is where I come from, and that He's not done with my story yet.
I can never thank Him enough for all He has done for me.
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The Place I Come From . . .
I am from feather pillows and teddy bears, from Sleepytime tea and reading with Mom in the middle of the night.
I am from the mountain ranch, wild and free and grand, the smell of fresh-cut hay on the wind.
I am from the quaking aspen trees, fields of dandelions, and rushing rivers, the tall grass, the bright irises, new air and deep sky.
I am from Christmas shopping trips with Dad, riding horses under the summer sun, and hazel eyes, from Daybreak and Rock and Messenger.
I am from the patriotic and the loyal.
From “Jesus loves you” and “family will forever be there”.
I am from streams of mercy and amazing grace. I am from filthy rags, washed snow white in nothing but the blood of Him who turned the water to wine.
I'm from high altitude and thin air, and the old German country, from salted nut rolls and sweet potatoes and choke cherries.
From the boy who split logs for a penny each, the girl from the city who came to this place and could never leave, and the twins who made the growing years better.
I am from the baby box in the closet, the albums resting on the bookshelf in the corner of a crowded basement, the frames on the walls – all the visible remnants of memories and of a heritage that will forever dwell in hearts. The places my new memories and the heritage I leave will go as life marches on.
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Thank you Lord that this is my history! Thank you for the ultimate gift of taking me from filthy rags to white as snow by Your grace. Thank you for where You have me now, and thank you, Lord, for all the places You have yet to take me.
Happy Thanksgiving to each one of you as you give Him thanks for what He has done and for what He will do!
P.S. If you want to write your own "Where I'm From" poem, check out the template here.
My mom found a receipt in my kitchen cabinet the other day.
I was about to tell her to throw it away when she mentioned that it was from September 8, 2008. Two and a half years ago.
I was kind of curious to see if my buying habits have changed since then, so I grabbed it from my mom and took a look. Only four things were on the receipt.
A ball of yarn. Facial cleansing wipes. Knitting needles. And finally, a knitting "How To" book.
Those things may not seem particularly significant, but in an instant I remembered the day we bought those items.
Derek and I were newly married. It was an exciting time, but it was also a stressful time. We were both unemployed in September 2008.
Derek had resigned from his previous job because he was about to get a really good job as a financial analyst, but then the stock market did it's thing in 2008, and the company that was going to hire him started a hiring freeze and the job fell through.
I was fresh out of hygiene school and working for a temporary agency, when I had a needle-poke incident at one of my temp jobs. The lady who ran the agency became angry at me and acted like I did it on purpose, and didn't give me a single job after that.
Those four items were a huge treat for me, because we really couldn't afford them. But after several weeks of not working, I was getting bored and needed a project. I told Derek that I might like to start knitting again, and he took me to Wal-Mart to get some knitting needles, instructions, and yarn.
He was also very sweet and let me get the facial cleansing wipes. It's just nice to be able to remove all the makeup from your face, and something so simple was pretty exciting to me at the time, because we really didn't have money for things like that.
As I sat in my kitchen and looked at that old receipt, I realized again how far the Lord has brought us.
Two months later, Derek would get a job in a very difficult market that would pay the bills for almost two years. It was also a job that opened the door for the treasurer position he holds now.
I got a temporary job for the month of December that helped us through the holidays, and a few months after that the Lord led me to my current position, in an office that I love.
Those days of unemployment are a distant memory. I almost forget that they happened. But I shouldn't, because the Lord used that time of financial difficulty to bring us closer to Him, and to strengthen our newly formed marriage. And ultimately, He brought us through.
Sometimes it's hard to see the good in a situation, but hindsight really is twenty-twenty. As I look back on every major difficulty we have faced, though I may not have been able to see it at the time, I can truly say that the Lord really does work out everything for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)! What an amazing assurance!
How has the Lord taken a difficulty you've faced and worked it out for your good?
Oh, and as a sidenote, I never did finish that blanket that I started that September. It was a good distraction for a while, but then I got into a much more addicting hobby.
On September 18, I wrote my first blog post in over a year, followed by 585 more blog posts . . .
And the rest, as they say, is history.
I was about to tell her to throw it away when she mentioned that it was from September 8, 2008. Two and a half years ago.
I was kind of curious to see if my buying habits have changed since then, so I grabbed it from my mom and took a look. Only four things were on the receipt.
A ball of yarn. Facial cleansing wipes. Knitting needles. And finally, a knitting "How To" book.
Those things may not seem particularly significant, but in an instant I remembered the day we bought those items.
Derek and I were newly married. It was an exciting time, but it was also a stressful time. We were both unemployed in September 2008.
Derek had resigned from his previous job because he was about to get a really good job as a financial analyst, but then the stock market did it's thing in 2008, and the company that was going to hire him started a hiring freeze and the job fell through.
I was fresh out of hygiene school and working for a temporary agency, when I had a needle-poke incident at one of my temp jobs. The lady who ran the agency became angry at me and acted like I did it on purpose, and didn't give me a single job after that.
Those four items were a huge treat for me, because we really couldn't afford them. But after several weeks of not working, I was getting bored and needed a project. I told Derek that I might like to start knitting again, and he took me to Wal-Mart to get some knitting needles, instructions, and yarn.
He was also very sweet and let me get the facial cleansing wipes. It's just nice to be able to remove all the makeup from your face, and something so simple was pretty exciting to me at the time, because we really didn't have money for things like that.
As I sat in my kitchen and looked at that old receipt, I realized again how far the Lord has brought us.
Two months later, Derek would get a job in a very difficult market that would pay the bills for almost two years. It was also a job that opened the door for the treasurer position he holds now.
I got a temporary job for the month of December that helped us through the holidays, and a few months after that the Lord led me to my current position, in an office that I love.
Those days of unemployment are a distant memory. I almost forget that they happened. But I shouldn't, because the Lord used that time of financial difficulty to bring us closer to Him, and to strengthen our newly formed marriage. And ultimately, He brought us through.
Sometimes it's hard to see the good in a situation, but hindsight really is twenty-twenty. As I look back on every major difficulty we have faced, though I may not have been able to see it at the time, I can truly say that the Lord really does work out everything for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)! What an amazing assurance!
How has the Lord taken a difficulty you've faced and worked it out for your good?
Oh, and as a sidenote, I never did finish that blanket that I started that September. It was a good distraction for a while, but then I got into a much more addicting hobby.
On September 18, I wrote my first blog post in over a year, followed by 585 more blog posts . . .
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Recently I started reading a book called Start Your Family: Inspiration For Having Babies by Steve and Candice Watters. It's basically a book that addresses the blessings of parenthood and our culture's increasingly negative attitude toward becoming a parent.
Chapter Five contained some startling statistics. I wouldn't consider myself ignorant of infertility at all - after all, I've been dealing with ovulatory infertility for the past ten months. But some of these stats were even surprising for me.
-For women, fertility begins to decline at age 27, the decline quickens after age 35, and by the time a woman is 40 her ability to get pregnant plummets. See Resource 2.
-At age 40, half of a women's eggs are chromosomally abnormal. By age 42, 90% of her eggs are chromosomally abnormal. See Resource 3.
-For men, fertility begins to decline after the age of 35. See Resource 2.
-Only about a third of couples who seek fertility treatment actually leave with a baby, and "that number can fluctuate dramatically depending on the reason a couple can't conceive naturally and the woman's age." See Resource 4.
-In-vitro fertilization treatments (the most technologically advanced method of conceiving, if all else fails) cost around $12,400, and women may need several rounds of IVF to concieve, if they conceive at all. "IVF simply may never work for some older women." See Resource 4.
Derek and I decided when we first got married that we'd like to wait two or three years to have children, just to give us time to get some debt paid off and get used to being married before adding a baby into the mix.
I think most couples today look at a variety of factors when considering when to have children. Those factors may include when they'll be in a good financial situation, when they'll be emotionally ready, where they want to be in their careers before they have children, and it sometimes includes a list of things that they would like to do or explore before having a baby.
But how many of us really consider fertility in our decision of when to have children?
No one really likes to talk about this for some reason, and those who do may be considered pessimistic. But the chances of conceiving decrease the older you get. You won't be infinitely fertile, and the hard fact is that you won't be able to have a baby whenever you want in life.
Why is it that we micro-analyze every other factor of when to have children, but we somehow overlook the most important and practical aspect of that decision - the question of "Will I still be fertile at the time when we want to have our first baby?"
I must admit that I am guilty of this myself. Before we were married, when Derek and I discussed our timeline of having children, the concept of how our fertility would decrease over time didn't even enter the equation. I can't believe I never thought of that before, as I think of it now.
Twenty-seven. Fertility starts to decrease for us women at the age of twenty-seven. I don't know where the rest of you young married ladies are, but that only gives me a few more years before it becomes even harder to have a baby. As if I weren't having enough trouble now.
Sure, there are alot of celebrities who have babies after age forty. But they are the exception, and we don't know how much time and money went into making that possible. Sure, there are many women who get pregnant without any help after 35, but the chances of that happening are far less than if they had started earlier (about 30% as opposed to 50%, Resource 2). And for many couples it just never happens, because they waited too long.
As for me, a woman in my early twenties who is already having struggles with her fertility, I urge you young married ladies out there who are in the midst of deciding when to have children to seriously consider your own fertility as an aspect of that decision. You may be one of those women who can conceive easily at a later age. But then again, you may not be. It's something every couple should have in their minds when making the decision of timing, and the goal of this post is just to get you all thinking about it.
I want each of you to experience every joy that life has to offer, and every blessing the Lord has to give you, but especially the gift of children. And I would hate to see anyone miss out on that blessing because no one brought the fertility factor to their attention when they were still young enough to do something about it.
I'd like to end this post with a quote from Start Your Family. I found this quote to be very encouraging, especially for those of us already struggling with fertility problems. We should be wise concerning our fertility and the timing of babies - but God is still (and always will be) in control, in spite of the struggles we face, even when they result from our own mistakes.
"As I wrote this chapter I thought my fertility window was closing - or more accurately, slamming shut - but then something happened.
Psalm 103 praises the God, "who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle." "He Himself knows our frame," the psalmist instructs, "He is mindful that we are but dust . . . But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him." (5, 14, 17, NASB). We serve a wonder-working God. That's what my doctors - all three of them - concluded when, after three sets of blood tests that confirmed my childbearing years were over, I got pregnant. They all said the same thing: "It's a miracle."
And so as my belly swells, even as I finish the edits on this chapter, I'm reminded that it's our job to be faithful to learn the facts about our bodies and make the most of our fertility. But I also know that God is sovereign over all. It's up to us to do what we can. Then we can trust Him for the rest. We are not without hope."
-Candice Watters, Start Your Family, page 89. Emphasis mine.
Resources:
1. Watters, Steve and Candice; Starting Your Family: Inspiration For Having Babies. Moody Publishers, 2009. Buy the book here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0802458300?ie=UTF8&tag=helgetmar-20&linkCode=xm2&creativeASIN=0802458300.
2. de Vries, Lloyd; "Fertility: Less Time Than You Think", CBSNews.com, April 30, 2002. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/04/30/health/main507580.shtml .
3. Gibbs, Nancy; "Making Time For A Baby". Time.com, April 15, 2002. http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1002217-2,00.html.
4. Stenson, Jacqueline; "Have Kids? Sure . . .Someday". MSNBC.com, June 6, 2007. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17937795/ns/health-pregnancy//.
5. Image from the American Society For Reproductive Medicine Ad Campaign. Image has been cropped for easier viewing on this page. See original ad here: http://www.protectyourfertility.org/pdfs/4up.pdf.
Today I've found myself rather grumpy. I've been focusing on some of the little things that have annoyed me this weekend. Little "bumps in the road".
Like the fact that my bank account was rather depleted during the Christmas season and I was planning on using any extra money for the next couple months to build it back up. But then Derek told me that the car is due for new tires (both snow tires and regular tires) and it will probably come out to about 800 dollars to get new ones.
Like the fact that we're starting our young married Bible study group (the brain child of a friend and me) tomorrow, but we just found out the Starbucks we were going to meet at closes early. Not a big deal, but we'll have to do a speed discussion so we can get out of there in time.
Also, I ordered the books for the Bible study two weeks ago, but we only got one of them in the mail just this weekend, even though we ordered two, so Derek and I have to share until the next one comes. The problem is that neither of us have that much time to do the first lesson before our first meeting, and we don't work anywhere near each other, so I have to try to hurry and do the Bible study tonight so I can give Derek the book tomorrow.
Derek has an early hockey game tonight though, and I'm going to it because he doesn't have many of those early games, so I'll probably have only a half hour or something to work on it.
There's no way both of us are going to get our Bible study done in time.
And of course the early hockey games still only start at 8:20 PM, so it's going to be a rather late night. Especially considering that I spent Saturday night with my mom's side of the family and he had a friend over, and neither of us got to bed until after midnight, and we both have to wake up at 4:30 AM (Derek) and 5:00 AM (me) tomorrow.
And the house will probably be a mess all week, because it's kind of messy now, I have a full week of work and will only have Wednesday to get anything done, and the house will only get worse with me and Derek working so much.
It's kind of hard to eat in between patients at work, and this week is a full week, so I'm hoping I don't lose any weight. I still haven't got to my goal weight. Gracious, you think it would be a little easier to gain six pounds.
Honestly though, tonight as I thought back on all my current annoyances, I realized it's not bad at all. Our life right now is really very smooth. My bad attitude is probably partly due to sleep deprivation, but that is no excuse.
These irritations are just like little lines in the pavement that give your car a little rumble as you pass over them. Derek and I could be on a washboard dirt road right now. We have been in the past - like those months that we were unemployed last year. It's so easy to forget how easy and blessed life really is right now, and how hard it could be. I'm ashamed of myself for allowing these little things to get to me.
All my complaints and grumpiness today were really about blessings, which makes them even more pathetic. Maybe we have to spend extra money on tires, but at least we have extra money. Maybe we won't be ready for our Bible study tomorrow night, but at least we have good Christian friends and a free country that allow us to do this Bible study. Maybe we'll be really tired tomorrow, but it's just because of all the fun stuff that we get to do, like hockey and time with friends and family. Maybe the house will be messy, but at least there's a house to live in. And I'd rather be worried about gaining weight than losing it.
How often do we complain about things that are really amazing blessings for us? I wonder how often the Lord hears our grumblings and frowns upon them because we're picking apart a gift that He has given us. The thought grieves my heart.
The Lord has given us a beautiful house, cute dogs, good jobs, food to eat, clothes to wear, a wonderful country to live in, and each other to lean on. There is nothing to complain about. In fact, even in the hardest times there are always blessings to be found. How terrible that we always search out the problems when the blessings are much more obvious. I think the Lord must be hurt and even righteously angered by our self-inflicted and willful blindness.
Lord, forgive me for my grumbling. I get so frustrated at the Israelites in the Bible for grumbling when You had provided everything they need, but I so often do the same thing. You would be right and just to be angry with me for my grumbling, but You are so gracious to me even in my sin and You forgive me when I fail. Thank You for all the incredible ways that You provide for us and bless us - I am awed by Your grace, and there is no way I could ask for anything more.
,
Like the fact that my bank account was rather depleted during the Christmas season and I was planning on using any extra money for the next couple months to build it back up. But then Derek told me that the car is due for new tires (both snow tires and regular tires) and it will probably come out to about 800 dollars to get new ones.
Like the fact that we're starting our young married Bible study group (the brain child of a friend and me) tomorrow, but we just found out the Starbucks we were going to meet at closes early. Not a big deal, but we'll have to do a speed discussion so we can get out of there in time.
Also, I ordered the books for the Bible study two weeks ago, but we only got one of them in the mail just this weekend, even though we ordered two, so Derek and I have to share until the next one comes. The problem is that neither of us have that much time to do the first lesson before our first meeting, and we don't work anywhere near each other, so I have to try to hurry and do the Bible study tonight so I can give Derek the book tomorrow.
Derek has an early hockey game tonight though, and I'm going to it because he doesn't have many of those early games, so I'll probably have only a half hour or something to work on it.
There's no way both of us are going to get our Bible study done in time.
And of course the early hockey games still only start at 8:20 PM, so it's going to be a rather late night. Especially considering that I spent Saturday night with my mom's side of the family and he had a friend over, and neither of us got to bed until after midnight, and we both have to wake up at 4:30 AM (Derek) and 5:00 AM (me) tomorrow.
And the house will probably be a mess all week, because it's kind of messy now, I have a full week of work and will only have Wednesday to get anything done, and the house will only get worse with me and Derek working so much.
It's kind of hard to eat in between patients at work, and this week is a full week, so I'm hoping I don't lose any weight. I still haven't got to my goal weight. Gracious, you think it would be a little easier to gain six pounds.
Honestly though, tonight as I thought back on all my current annoyances, I realized it's not bad at all. Our life right now is really very smooth. My bad attitude is probably partly due to sleep deprivation, but that is no excuse.
These irritations are just like little lines in the pavement that give your car a little rumble as you pass over them. Derek and I could be on a washboard dirt road right now. We have been in the past - like those months that we were unemployed last year. It's so easy to forget how easy and blessed life really is right now, and how hard it could be. I'm ashamed of myself for allowing these little things to get to me.
All my complaints and grumpiness today were really about blessings, which makes them even more pathetic. Maybe we have to spend extra money on tires, but at least we have extra money. Maybe we won't be ready for our Bible study tomorrow night, but at least we have good Christian friends and a free country that allow us to do this Bible study. Maybe we'll be really tired tomorrow, but it's just because of all the fun stuff that we get to do, like hockey and time with friends and family. Maybe the house will be messy, but at least there's a house to live in. And I'd rather be worried about gaining weight than losing it.
How often do we complain about things that are really amazing blessings for us? I wonder how often the Lord hears our grumblings and frowns upon them because we're picking apart a gift that He has given us. The thought grieves my heart.
The Lord has given us a beautiful house, cute dogs, good jobs, food to eat, clothes to wear, a wonderful country to live in, and each other to lean on. There is nothing to complain about. In fact, even in the hardest times there are always blessings to be found. How terrible that we always search out the problems when the blessings are much more obvious. I think the Lord must be hurt and even righteously angered by our self-inflicted and willful blindness.
Lord, forgive me for my grumbling. I get so frustrated at the Israelites in the Bible for grumbling when You had provided everything they need, but I so often do the same thing. You would be right and just to be angry with me for my grumbling, but You are so gracious to me even in my sin and You forgive me when I fail. Thank You for all the incredible ways that You provide for us and bless us - I am awed by Your grace, and there is no way I could ask for anything more.
,
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