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Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Motherhood. Show all posts
Yesterday we took a day off our typical homeschool work, and went to see The Wild Robot as a family. Aside from being just a visually beautiful film, I was touched by the message, and found myself pondering the themes as they relate to motherhood.
Roz is a robot that has become stranded on an uninhabited island, and is given the task of caring for a baby bird. She doesn’t want to take on this task at first, but finds she must. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, she’s inconvenienced, her efficiency suffers, she makes many mistakes. Her robot plates are dinged as she rescues her charge many times, and the shine is rubbed off her shoulder, near her neck, where Bright Beak settles every night to sleep. But somewhere along the way she becomes more than her programming - she treasures her memories with Bright Beak, and they become a part of her, something that no reprogramming can take away.
The movie brought tears to my eyes several times, and I think the theme is a poignant one for this age. When motherhood is discussed for the modern woman, there seems to be an immense focus on everything negative. Why would any woman give up her dreams, her career, her independence, her body, her time to devote her life to another? What if a woman becomes a mother and loses herself? But the message of The Wild Robot is that yes, you will lose yourself, and maybe that’s exactly the wonderful thing about being a mother.
Even if motherhood is something one has entered into reluctantly, it is also something that holds the possibility to make a woman better - more - than she was before. All the dings and scrapes are not damages, they are marks of love forever left on your body and your heart, beauty in place of everything you’ve given up for your children. Just as Jesus calls us to lose our lives, to repent and believe and put off the old self with our sinful desires so we may gain eternal life in Him - so it is possible for motherhood to reflect that transformation in its own, imperfect way. We also lay down our lives in everyday ways for our children, and the beautiful gift from God is that as we do, He hands our lives back to us again - maybe battered in the process, but polished; more brilliant than it could have ever been before, crowned with the splendor of sacrificial love.
I think there is a picture here too for the child. Roz must “make it all up” as she goes, but she does her best. She doesn’t teach Bright Beak in exactly the right way to swim or fly, but she gets up every day and tries again and again. She finds others to help teach her little charge, she puts immense energy and creativity into helping to launch him to his place as a full-grown bird. Bright Beak doesn’t always appreciate her efforts, and there is strain in their relationship, but by the end he learns to not just to see her mistakes, but to see that she has done her best. She has given of herself to help him soar - and without her, he wouldn’t have made it at all.
As children grow up, they sometimes see more of their parent’s flaws, and that is always going to be a hard transition. But we children have a responsibility to not just see the mistakes, but the sacrifices, and the love behind every step a good-hearted parent took to help us get where we are.
So if you have a mom and dad that are worth even a little bit of their salt, you should do as Bright Beak does and fly through glass to make sure they know - to tell them you made it because of them, and you love them for all the things they gave for you. Through all their foibles and triumphs, they made you who you are - and through your struggles and affection, you made them who they are too. That’s the exchange of parent and child, and it’s a glorious gift for both - something that The Wild Robot captures in a lovely way.
Outside, my little brown-haired boy, dirty shirt and bare feet, is spinning furiously on a tire swing hanging from a pine tree. A curly-haired girl laughs and her hair shines as she spins him faster.
Farther down the hill, the boy who made me a mom is jumping on the trampoline with my last baby, who doesn't look like a baby anymore. The trampoline squeaks, and he gets a mischievous look on his face while she shrieks in delight as she is bounced high into the air.
The leaves on the wax current bushes are still green, but that indescribable green that occurs when there is gold shimmering underneath. Our old hound lays on the porch, his head resting on his paws, his sides moving in and out evenly as he naps in the sunshine.
A puff of air ruffles my hair, and my husband comes to the kitchen for a midday snack before heading back upstairs to work. Sounds of the piano come from the other room as my oldest daughter plays a couple keys; and then she mutters to herself as she puzzles out the notes on her sheet music. A cheerful Christmas song fills my house as she tries again, and I realize that the season of our Savior's birth will be here before I know it.
But for now, I sit here, listening to the hummingbirds whirring outside, the shouts and joy drifting in on the breeze, the single notes being plunked in the background. The porch glistens where it's still wet from the rain, but the sun is shining, and the blue sky is taking over the storm clouds. I'm surrounded by all the most beautiful sounds in the world, the sounds of my imaginings come true.
I think now about how years ago, when I pictured my future family and home, I couldn't have dreamed up anything better.
In this moment, on this last day at home before our summer is over, I am wonderfully happy and thankful.
It's been over six months since I gave up on Instagram, and in so many ways it's been the best decision I've made in years. In other ways it's been challenging. When people ask me if I'm ever going back, I say a solid "I don't know" with a leaning toward a "no". Since this is no longer a new decision, I've had time to let my emotions settle and really reflect honestly on what I miss and what I don't miss about Instagram. I thought I'd share some of those things with you today.
What I Miss
I miss keeping up with a few Instagram-only people.
There are a few online friends that really only post on Instagram these days, and I am sad that I don't have a good way to keep up with them or interact with them anymore. Occasionally I'll go to Instagram on my computer and type in a username of one of these people and see the limited posts that I can see publicly, but if it's a private account I'm out of luck. To me, this is an example of why it is a good thing to diversify your presence online. I understand that people have limited time, and some may feel that they only have time for producing content in one place online, but when that one platform is a closed platform, people who are not on that platform are not going to have the chance to see what you share. I'm in full support of double-posting Instagram posts onto a more open forum (like a blog). (Consider this my PSA to all my IG-only friends - consider double-posting, maybe? Blog posts don't have to be long!)
I miss being able to share things quickly.
Sometimes something funny or exciting happens, and I briefly miss the ability to share quickly with friends, family, and online friends. As I said above, I like the idea, in theory, of still sharing those short snippets on my blog, but I acknowledge that it will always be a little more involved to sit down at my computer and type up a post. On the other hand, there is a sense in which I think we all have gotten a little too accustomed to instant gratification when sharing online - instant, easy sharing, and instant, cheap feedback (ie. the like button). So maybe it's okay to re-train myself to let some things simmer a bit longer before blasting them out there online.
I miss being able to easily share photos with my family.
This, honestly, is the biggest drawback of giving up Facebook and Instagram for me. Those platforms make it so simple to share photos privately (sort of - except for the data collection from the platforms themselves) with the people in my life who really care to see them, and I have yet to find an alternative that I can keep up with consistently. The solution I am attempting right now is sharing photos of my kids on a private blog, just for my closest family members and friends. While functionally this is working okay, I find that I do miss the feedback in the form of comments. But at least they can still see the photos.
What I Do Not Miss
I do not miss the constant product bombardment.
Every time I would open the app and scroll down even just a few photos, there was someone trying to sell me something - either Instagram itself through ads, or an influencer through sponsored posts and affiliate links. As my forever favorite radio host, Rush Limbaugh, used to say, "there’s an entire industry out there designed to separate you from your money", and a monster of that industry is Facebook and Instagram. Even when you are aware of it, and try to avoid the temptation to shop based off products you saw on social media, it's hard to get away from it. Before I got off Instagram, it had gotten to the point where I had disabled my internet browser on my phone, just so I wouldn't be tempted to purchase something on a whim that I had seen on Instagram. Now that I am off Instagram, and away from the deluge of product placements, I find I make impulse purchases less often. I think critically about what I need for longer before I buy.
I do not miss online arguments and virtue-signaling.
I probably don't need to explain this. It's amazing how much less stress is in my life from eliminating these two things, via eliminating Instagram.
I do not miss having to worry about online privacy so much.
Whether and how much to share about my kids online is something I have struggled with for years, and I've landed in different places at different times. Right now I'm very much in a keep-my-kids-off-the-internet phase, but I can say that it has become easier to exercise wisdom about what to share without the emotional ties to the visual medium of Instagram playing such a big part. In addition, there is the culture of comparison and over-sharing that runs rampant on social media, and I have become much more critical-minded about that aspect of online sharing since I left the big platforms.
I do not miss the subtle ways I was measuring how well I was doing by how everyone else was doing.
We all do it, whether we are conscious of it or not. Maybe it's the flashy vacation that makes your modest camping trip feel sub-par. Maybe it's the magazine-worthy home decor that leaves you feeling like your more humble home needs a remodel. Maybe it's the flash of jealousy at all the quiet time that mom manages to find for herself, while you break up the third spat between the kids before 10:00 AM. Maybe it's comparing the number of followers or likes that makes you feel like you must not be doing something right.
I've been working on not comparing myself to others for years, and I thought I had achieved a nice equilibrium, but after detoxing from social media it has become obvious that I was still using others as a measuring stick way too much.
My life is my own, and it's not going to be exactly like anyone else's - it wasn't meant to be. I don't need to worry about how so-and-so is managing the things God has given to her - my job is to glorify God the best I can with what He has placed in my life right now, to lean on Him for wisdom and strength. Even when the day-to-day is not very fancy or Instagram-worthy.
As an aside, I specifically didn't realize how many things I was only doing so I'd have something photogenic to share on Instagram. When you realize you haven't felt the need to take a picture of your coffee cup in six months, you see how silly it all can become. (The coffee cup/phone photos I took for this post don't count!)
I do not miss getting impatient when I'm interrupted while on social media.
As a stay-at-home parent, I often escaped the hum-drum nature of my days with a little trip into the world of Instagram, and I can see now how snappy I could get with my kids when they jolted me out of it. Sometimes it was a question that I had to ask them to repeat because I wasn't really listening. Sometimes it was a "just a minute" when they asked me to read to them and I was busy typing up a caption. Sometimes it was just the internal annoyance when something went wrong, because there is that subconscious feeling of "why isn't fill-in-the-blank as easy as it looks on Instagram?" Some moms may not relate to any of that at all, but I think a lot of moms don't even realize the negative parenting and attitude patterns they've fallen into because of social media - I didn't realize it fully until I got off. My parenting has improved dramatically since I gave it all up, to the point where I am not sure it will ever be worth it to me to go back.
I do not miss the way social media was making me more self-centered.
It can happen in a variety of ways, but I've found as I've been off Instagram, it's become more obvious to me the little ways that Instagram made me focus on myself. There was that worrying about how I look in a picture, trying to think of something original or encouraging to say (mainly to get that ego boost in the form of likes), and the nagging feeling that I was "behind" somehow or not doing something as well as another girl. Being off Instagram has given me the opportunity to worry less about how I appear or whatever I'm doing, and focus on how others in my family are doing - what they are thinking, things they would like to do, ways I can serve them better. It's not that I never thought about those things before, I did, but it was a constant battle with the self-focus that Instagram encourages. Instagram makes narcissists of us all to varying degrees, and it's only when you've been off it for a while that you really start to see it.
I do not miss the way Instagram had become a barrier to my sanctification.
In case you didn't notice, several of the things I do not miss are actually sin issues in my own heart. Was it Instagram's fault that I was falling into sinful patterns? No, I don't blame social media necessarily. Some people may not struggle at all with the things I was dealing with because of social media. However, do I have a duty to eliminate things that have become stumbling blocks in my life, so that I can live worthy of my calling to holiness in Christ? Yes, that is the responsibility of every Christian.
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith..." Hebrews 12:1-2.
While there were some rare accounts that I found to be a spiritual encouragement, the net result of Instagram and Facebook had become a weight and an entanglement for me. At the root, social media brings out the most selfish corner of my heart. Is this something that I still need to work on now that I'm off social media? It definitely is, and the fight against selfishness likely will be a work in progress for my whole life. But I will say I have more clarity about the ways the Lord is trying to sanctify me than I have in years, and it's easier now, without Instagram, to focus on the right things.
As for the negatives of being off Instagram, I am still mulling over those things and trying to figure out how important they are, or if there are alternative ways of accomplishing the same thing without addictive social media - because overall, the positives of being off are so much more significant and important to me. The small things I miss about Instagram can't outweigh all the benefits I am seeing from cutting it out of my life. I don't regret getting off Instagram, and while I don't know what will happen in the future, I am feeling really good about where things stand with me and social media right now.
The main thing I miss is connecting with all of you in a quicker way, so I am open to suggestions on that front!
When it comes to homeschooling my kids, a huge benefit to me is that the person who has the most influence on them is going to be me - I'm the one who is with them day-in and day-out. I don't have to rely on the teacher lottery and hope they get a good one that will be a positive influence on them - I get to be that influence, along with the other adults that Derek and I allow to play a role in their lives. It's a huge blessing, but also a huge responsibility.
I also watch over what is influencing my kids in other ways, such as the books we read and the movies we watch. I don't let them watch or read just anything, because I want whatever influence their media has over them to be in a positive direction, as much as I can.
I was thinking about this the other day and it occurred to me that I am so careful with the influences that are coming at my kids, but I haven't been so careful with the influences that I've allowed to come at myself for the past several years.
How much have I been influenced by random people on Instagram to do certain things, buy certain things, think certain ways? How much of that influence has been good, and how much has not been so positive? In what subtle ways have social media influencers affected me negatively?
It's an overwhelming thing to think about, and I don't think it's really necessary to dissect everything I've ever done that has been influenced by something I saw online. I'm trying not to do that, but it's difficult not to go there.
For instance, do I really need those new trendy ankle boots I've been eyeing for a couple months? I've put them in my cart multiple times, the cursor hovering over the checkout button, before a take a breath and close the window. I have perfectly fine ankle boots that I like. Who says I need this specific style of shoe? Instagram fashion bloggers?
Or there is that book that I've seen mentioned multiple places that looks interesting. Should I try to grab it right off the presses to keep up with online book friends? Or do I sit it out and wait for my library to come through, even though I'm the 134th person in line for it? Do I really need to read it right away? Is it any less interesting if I read it next year, when Thriftbooks has it for $4, instead of right now for $23? I may not be able to to talk to people online about it when it's popular, but does that actually matter? I guarantee you if it's good, I'll have real-life friends I can convince to read it with me, and that discussion will be richer for being in person.
How many things have I felt like I "had to do" as a mom, just because other moms online were doing it? Things like themed birthday parties or specialized nursery decor. Were those things even worth the money in the end, or would we all have been just as happy with a simpler, cheaper version?
What about politics? How much stress have I allowed into my life over other people's online political discussions, which are almost always fruitless anyway? And even harder to think about, are there things that I should have stood up for that I didn't, because of online pressure? Or are there times where I felt like I "did my part" by merely sharing something on social media, instead of taking the harder but actually impactful step of getting involved in my real life in some way?
I don't know how to answer those questions. What I do know is that since being off Instagram, I'm much more aware of what kind of influences I'm letting into my life. It's just quiet enough in my mind now to see things clearly and make more directed choices.
I have not been as careful with online influences as I should have been. Who we allow to influence us online matters. And the most regret that I have when I consider social media is thinking about the ways I may have allowed certain "influencers" to make me into a less effective version of myself - as a consumer, as a wife, as a mom, as an American. Maybe even as a Christian. It's overwhelming when I think about it too hard.
All I know is that I am so thankful for God's grace in those moments when I get overwhelmed by my own failures. Jesus is my Savior - He paid the penalty for my sin, including the hidden sins of the heart that I've become more aware of through all this extra time to think. And as I pray for Him to make me wiser as to what influences I let in, I know He'll keep showing me the way I should go.
A Quote
“He must have forgotten that in the mind of a boy, a warning isn’t much different from an invitation.”
-Andrew Peterson, On The Edge Of The Dark Sea Of Darkness
(My boys, throwing snow in the air this last weekend.)
A Book
Since I just quoted it, let’s talk about the first book in the Wingfeather Saga! I read this book over the weekend, while it was snowing, and I loved it. We are introduced to the Igiby family, and their lives under the oppression of the Fangs of Dang, which are reptilian creatures that took over the land of Aerweair many years ago. Janner is the oldest, tasked with watching over his two younger siblings as they cause all kinds of trouble...until suddenly their quiet life falls apart and they realize there is much more to their family’s history than they thought. What makes this book is the completely quirky history of Aerweair, and the funny footnotes throughout. I am very anxious to read the next book in the series!
A Bit Of Nature
A snowy sunrise, the morning after we got two feet of snow (it doesn't look it because the snow didn't stick to the trees, but there was a lot of snow). One of these days I’ll put some effort into geting a different view for my “bit of nature”, but for now you get these shots from my porch. It’s cold out there!
A Recommendation
Since I only get to these posts every couple weeks, I hope you don’t mind if I include more than one recommendation.
First, I must reiterate my longstanding recommendation to update your pajamas every six months or so. Let’s be honest, after about six months to a year, most pajama sets start to look...grungy? Ill-fitting? Stretched out? They just don't look fresh anymore, and there is nothing like a fresh pair of pajamas! It makes me feel like I look cute in the evenings for Derek. He probably doesn’t care, but I think he deserves to not always see me in ratty pajamas (or maybe I deserve to not let him always see me in ratty pajamas).
(My newest pjs/lounge set, these were only $15 at Sam's.)
Next, I want to recommend this documentary on the life of Martyn Lloyd-Jones (free on Prime right now). I didn't know much about Martyn Lloyd-Jones before, and I was so inspired by his zeal and commitment to preaching the Word. We could use more of that today.
And finally, go watch this video from Matt Walsh, in response to a “Dear Abby” letter from a man who is disappointed that his wife wants to be a stay-at-home mom and thinks less of her for it (which, sorry-not-sorry, is so ridiculous to me). I loved Walsh’s point about the difference between phoning it in as a parent and parenting ambitiously. I agree that parenting is a highly worthy area in which to pour ambition.
A Moment Of Happiness
(Gwen, building a snowman.)
I realized on Wednesday that I had not given my children proper instruction on how to build a really good snowman. I struggled into my too-small snow clothes and went outside to demonstrate for Wyatt. Before I knew it, all the kids were outside requesting repeat demonstrations, and 30 minutes later a snowman representation of our family sat in the backyard.
Time well spent.
Aren't my kids so cute decorating the tree?
Over the last couple years I have started to make a Christmas list for myself to give to Derek. He always picks me great gifts, with or without a list. But he asked, and it's fun to be able to pick out things that I would like but probably won't buy myself! I thought I'd share my list today, just for fun. Maybe if you aren't sure what to put on your Christmas list, it'll spark some ideas!
Washi Tape
I found this website that sells gorgeous Washi tape a while back, and I've been eyeing a few of their sets! I use Washi tape in my bullet journal or on letters, to dress up the page and add some sparkle. I use it in a really basic way, but some people really decorate their pages or letters, like my penpal Felicia (her envelopes are always so pretty!). It's just fun, and I'd love to get a little collection started.
Books
These three books are on my Christmas list! The first two I have read before and they were excellent - to the point that I would like to own a physical copy and re-read them.
Eve In Exile is about feminism, it's negative effects on women, and the purpose for which God really created women. I feel like that makes it sound a little boring, but it was so good.
Glory In The Ordinary is about the value of work, and the biblical purpose of our work, and I remember finding it really encouraging especially as it relates to the struggle many women have with feeling...perhaps less-than for working outside of the home OR for not bringing money in for the family. It was great.
Black Coffee kind of intrigued me, because...well, coffee, but also because I read in the description that it is a Hercule Poirot play that Agatha Christie wrote which was adapted into a book by a different author. Hercule Poirot is my favorite of her characters, and I'm really curious to see how it is!
Psalms Scripture Journal
I have one of these scripture journals for the book of Hebrews, and I love it! It has the biblical text on one page, with a dot grid for notes, decorating, or whatever you want on the opposite page. I write about things that stood out in the passage, or bits of commentary that I've gathered from other places. I usually don't fill up a full page, so I am thinking they will be useful for going through the books of the Bible multiple times until it's full. I'd love to have another one to work in, and Psalms felt like a good place to start!
John MacArthur Study Bible
I have the digital version of MacArthur's study notes, and I really appreciate his study Bible notes - it is always helpful and clarifying when I come across a tricky passage. I would really like to have a physical copy of the MacArthur study Bible, so I can highlight and read the notes a little easier. I found a damaged copy on this website for cheap, so I'm hoping Derek snagged it for me!
Rings
I used to love wearing "costume jewelry" rings in my twenties, but I haven't for several years now. I think my fingers got a little fat for my collection while I was pregnant. I'd like to get back to wearing pretty rings, but I'd also like some that won't turn my finger green (hopefully). Even though these are the priciest thing on my list, they are relatively inexpensive and I think they're pretty for a little extra shine.
Art Prints I’d Love To Have Framed
Okay, I am a little hesitant to show you actual pictures here because I don't want to reproduce the artist's work without her permission, but if you click through on anything in this post you have to check out these prints. I'm linking my three favorite prints below, but Lore Pemberton's art just speaks to me. All of her paintings are wonderful, but these three are my current favorites and I'd love to get a print of one of these.
This one brings back the feeling of rocking my babies against my chest in the middle of the night.
We go on a fall hike every autumn, and this one just reminds me of traipsing through the woods with my children. I can almost smell the leaves.
This one brings to mind the stargazing nights we've done with the kids, and the wonder we are hoping to inspire in them by introducing them to the night sky.
Makeup
What can I say, I like my makeup! I've particularly enjoyed Colourpop's eye products for a while, and this cool-toned palette caught my eye (which is currently sold out, so I might not be getting it after all!). The single shadow is one of their super-shock shadows, which I've heard good things about and would like to play around with. And I've been wanting to try one of their lip glosses - this color looks pretty.
Perfume
I realized early this year that I've used up most of my perfumes, and a lot of the ones I've liked over the years are no longer produced. Don't you hate when that happens? You find a scent you like, and then they just stop making it. Tough luck. I smelled a sample of this one a while back though and I remember liking it, so I put it on my Christmas list just in case Derek needed one more idea. Time to find a new perfume I guess!
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That's it! I was trying to put a wide variety of things on my list so Derek would have a lot to choose from. I obviously will not be getting everything here (budget, you know), but I wanted to give Derek lots ideas so if he ends up only buying from my list, I'll still be somewhat surprised!
What sort of things have you put on your Christmas list? Do you and your spouse make lists for each other?
I typed out these words on my phone this morning, intending to post them to Instagram - but they ended up being more blog-length, so I wanted to share here. I hope you'll forgive this slight bit of blogging cheating this morning - I am still recovering from a successful hunting trip over the weekend! more on that later in the week. Happy Monday, friends!
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“Whence, as I said before, the Word, since it was not possible for Him to die, as He was immortal, took to Himself a body such as could die, that He might offer it as His own in the stead of all, and as suffering, through His union with it, on behalf of all, bring to naught him that had the power of death, that is the devil; and might deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.”
-Athanasius, On The Incarnation
“There is a pattern and a lesson here. As we read the lives of men and women who have been strategically used by Christ in building His kingdom, we note that the names of those through whom they were brought to faith in Jesus Christ are often forgotten or lost. But their significance is in calculable. God delights to use the hidden and the forgotten.”
-Sinclair Ferguson, In The Year Of Our Lord
This morning I read these beautiful words from Athanasius about Jesus’s sacrifice to save us from our sin and give us life - followed by these poignant thoughts from Sinclair Ferguson. Do you know the names of the people who brought some of the church fathers to faith in Jesus? I don’t.
Sometimes it’s hard to see the impact of our work, whether we are doing any good. Most of us will never be well-known outside our circle of friends and family. We make meals, we give our best effort at work, we keep our houses clean and comfortable. We smile at the grocery store clerk, we encourage a friend, we serve at church. We pray for the salvation of our children, we try to point them to Christ, we try to witness to others of His goodness when we can. But it can still at times all feel a little insignificant.
My grandma and grandpa were brought to faith by a door-to-door salesman who saw my grandma was searching and started a conversation. I don’t know his name. I’m pretty sure he isn’t in any history books. But a whole family came to faith in Christ because he was faithful. Generations will be affected for Christ because of someone whose name is now lost to us.
It may be that no one ever knows your name. We’ll live in this little blip of history, and then fade away and be forgotten. But that doesn’t mean our work for the Lord is insignificant. He is using us greatly, though we may not always see it.
Someone once asked me how I "do it all". Five young kids seems like a lot, and I think they were wondering how I keep the house running, homeschool the kids, and still find time to blog and read and all that.
My answer to the "how do you do it all" question is the same now as it was then - I don't.
At that time especially, I let certain things around the house slide in order to fit everything all in. But the other day someone made a comment about how I manage to keep my house so clean, and I realized that somewhere along the way I got back on top of the housekeeping. For the most part. I still feel like I don't keep the house as clean as I would like it to be, but for having five kids it's not too shabby.
(I would show you better pictures, but the thing that has to slide now is this blog - taking pictures takes time! Maybe I'll do a quick house tour on Instagram later this week.)
Anyway, I thought I would share a few of my (very basic) cleaning routines and habits that have helped our house not be the disaster you might expect it to be with five little kids!
Sweep the floor and do the dishes every day.
For me, I feel pretty good about the state of my house if there isn't visible dirt on my wood floors, and if the kitchen sink and counters are reasonably clear. After every meal I wash the pots and pans immediately and clean out the sink, and I think that helps me never have too much of a disaster in the kitchen. I usually end up sweeping once a day, usually sometime in the morning while the kids are doing bookwork. There is a lot of dirt in the mountains! These two things are the bare necessities of cleaning for me.
Have the kids pick up their toys at set times during the day.
Every morning before breakfast I ask the kids if their rooms are cleaned up and if their beds are made. I also ask them to clean up toys before lunch and/or nap time (I only have one kid who still naps, but nap time is still clean up time).And then I'll have the kids pick up before dinner so everything is reasonably clean before bed.
Straighten up clutter before bed.
Before Derek and I head up to bed each night, we usually start the dishwasher, pick up any toys that were missed, and straighten up the living room. I'll straighten up the books in the school room, put any stray dishes I find in the kitchen, and just generally do a quick declutter. Since we do this every day it usually doesn't get too bad, so this takes us maybe 5-10 minutes.
Vacuum and clean bathrooms around once a week (or as necessary).
Over the course of a whole week, I'll usually do a quick vacuum job and rotate through cleaning all three bathrooms. Sometimes these things need to be done more often, but I get to these chores at least once a week.
Dust and wash windows every 2-3 weeks as part of a whole-house cleaning day.
These chores are usually part of a whole-house cleaning day every 2-3 weeks. Some people rotate through different types of chores each week on a looping basis, but I like to have the whole house clean at once in a while. So every few weeks I'll do a good declutter and try to clean as much of the house in one day as I can. I try to do this before we have guests over for dinners too (though that doesn't always happen).
Do a little bit of laundry every day.
Laundry is the one chore that never ends. I usually throw a load in at least once a day, and then the clean/dry clothes sit in baskets until I get a chance to fold them. I hate folding laundry, so I'll usually save it up and do it all once a week, when I have a mountain to deal with and it's very overwhelming (but at least I can do it while listening to an audiobook, right?). Thankfully Derek helps me so much with the laundry though - when he has time he will fold a bit of laundry each night, so sometimes I don't have to tackle my weekly mountain of laundry!
And one final thought that helped me a lot...
Realize that real people live here.
When I was first married, I used to get very uptight about keeping the house looking good all the time, until I realized that I do not live in a show home. A real family lives in this house, real people. Real children eat at that table and spill their food sometimes, those real books stacked in the corner are really being read, a real dog leaves his hair all over everything, a real toddler is potty-training. Though I still breathe easier in a tidy house, and I try my best to make sure our home environment is generally clean and comfortable, I've loosened up my standards somewhat. Better a happy family in a messy house than a stressed-out family in a show home. There is a little made-up proverb for ya.
How do you handle housekeeping routines?
This whole week has been a difficult one for me - nothing big, just a lot of little struggles and failures that have thrown off my whole mood.
As I was sitting in my room this afternoon, trying to decide whether to write anything today, or what I could write, or whether to scrap this whole project, I was reminded of a book I read once that encouraged me to see the small things in life that truly matter. And when I started to think about that book, and a few others, I was also convicted again of my rotten attitude that has been adding to my troubles this week.
The attitude of the heart - such a small thing, it seems, but it really is everything. I can do the "right" things, the things I am supposed to do as a wife and mom for my family, but if my attitude is terrible that will sour everything. And is my service to my family really of value in God's sight if I do it with a grumbling heart? I can say with confidence that's a hard no.
Anyway, as I work on an attitude adjustment, I think the first book I need to go to to refocus is God's Word - verses and principles I've learned from my Bible is what the Holy Spirit was using to convict me this afternoon.
Maybe I need to read the story of the Israelites grumbling in the wilderness again, or just remember that in everything I am supposed to give thanks - especially in those moments when I am tempted to grumble instead of recognizing the blessing it is to have a family to take care of, a house to clean, children to teach. And I know I need to remember to turn to Jesus with my struggles and sinful heart attitudes, because He is the one who saved me and can help me overcome those sins now.
As I am working on an attitude adjustment today though, I thought I'd also share a few of those other books that I remembered, the ones that have made me appreciate the value of small things - especially the small thing of choosing to serve my family with love and joy and gratitude, with my eyes fixed on the glory of God. Have you read any of these?
936 Pennies: Discovering The Joy Of Intentional Parenting by Erin Lynum – This book is all about how the author filled a jar with 936 pennies to remind her how quickly the weeks with her children were going by. This book was a good reminder to make the most of every little moment that you have with your kids.
Loving The Little Years by Rachel Jancovic – I read this book when my kids were babies, and it was very impactful on me at the time. It has been years since I read it, but I know it made me appreciate those small years so much more. I think it’s time for re-read!
Roots And Sky by Christie Purifoy – This book made me appreciate little things in my life because the writing in it was just so beautiful! That’s the main thing I remember about this book. I don’t remember the points the author made so much, and it’s been a few years since I read it so I don’t know if I would still think the same way about it. But I still recall the gratitude I felt when I first read her beautiful words.
You Who? by Rachel Jancovic - This book was a case of reading the right book at the right time for me. At a time when I felt very discouraged, this book made me think about my work in the home in a new way, and the value of serving others, even when it’s not something the world tells you is important.
Beyond Bathtime by Erin Davis - I read this book when I had just one very little baby, but I still remember how this book elevates motherhood. I need to re-read this one too, because I'm sure it would still have encouragement on the importance of the work of raising kids.
Teaching From Rest by Sarah McKenzie - This is actually a homeschool book, but I am 90% sure this is where I first read the cathedral illustration that I mention in this post I wrote about when wiping faces doesn't feel satisfying (maybe I need to re-read my own words here). McKenzie has a way of making you realize how the things that seem small can make a big impact.
Glory In The Ordinary by Courtney Reissig - I read this book in the year or two after I quit working as a hygienist, and I love how Reissig emphasizes the ways in which work of all kinds is glorifying to the Lord! This is on my re-read list too.
If you have any good book recommendations along the same vein, send them my way!
I am a big advocate of taking a break from social media. As in, deleting the app from your phone for a set period of time.
Every December for the last couple years I have taken a break from social media. Both times it has been a great reset, and I return refreshed and ready to set some boundaries. However, if I’m honest, the effectiveness of those boundaries has varied. Sometimes I set a rule or limit for myself that ends up being way too easy for me to cheat on, and I fall right back into old habits. Sometimes my willpower lasts for a a couple months before those old, well-worn patterns start to re-emerge.
It’s easy to dismiss slightly unhealthy social media habits as if they don’t matter - but they do matter. Why else do we even feel a need to take social media breaks? We know that social media can suck away at our time, at our lives. That’s not really a small thing, is it? It’s well worth the time to figure out how to combat the pull toward wasting time on social media.
Social media breaks can be so useful for clearing your mind. There is a sense in which social media acts on our brains like a drug - we get a little dopamine hit every time we get a new notification on social media, and it keeps us coming back for more. Social media breaks allow your brain to…for lack of a better word…detox from that loop, so that you can make decisions about your social media use with a clear head.
Did you get that last bit?
You detox so you can make decisions.
Social media breaks by themselves are limited in their usefulness, in my opinion. You might gain a little space during a period where you want that time back (new baby, the holiday season). You might feel refreshed while you are off it - you lose that “yucky” feeling, you waste less time, you realize how nice it is to not have that opportunity for comparison constantly within reach. But the second you upload that “I’m back!” post, you’ll be right back where you started. UNLESS, you use your break to come up with a plan.
This is how I handled my social media break last year. I didn’t just take a break to get back a little time and attention for my family during Christmas (though that was a nice perk). I read books about social media and found resources for creating digital boundaries. I sat around and thought a lot about what I liked about social media, particularly Facebook, and what I didn’t like. I made some really hard decisions and developed a plan, and when it was time to get back on, I followed through on those hard choices.
And I have to say, I’ve never been so satisfied with my Facebook use as I have been this past year. I don’t feel sucked in by it like I used to, and the thought of giving it up for good isn’t even so crazy.
But…that’s because I made some actual changes to my Facebook account that allowed me to be successful, and I kept the Facebook app off my phone. If you take a social media break, but don’t use your break to be 100% honest with yourself about your social media use, how it’s negatively affecting your life, and how to change it - your break, in the long term, is probably going to get you exactly nowhere.
I know this because that’s what happened last year with Instagram and me. With Facebook, I emerged from my break with some really clear ideas about what I wanted out of Facebook, and what specific steps I needed to take to make it what I wanted it to be. I did not take the time to be so self-reflective about Instagram, and I have to say that this fall, I find myself right back where I was last year - hating how Instagram is sucking so much of my time, but unsure how to fix it.
You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make some obvious adjustments right now (why wait until December?), and then I may very well take another social media break, this time focusing my attention on Instagram. I need a game plan, and I need time to sort it out. That’s the key to having an effective social media break - coming up with a plan while you’re away.
Have you taken breaks from social media? How long were your breaks? Were they useful for your habits longterm?
If there's one thing I've learned in life so far, it's that you rarely can have everything you want all at the same time. Each day is filled with so many choices. And these choices, though they might seem small, really aren't - they lead to habits, they are the sorts of thing that make memories, they create the whole environment of the home.
All these little choices. Will I wake up early to read my Bible before the kids get up, or will I get extra sleep and read later? Will I let everyone sleep longer, or get them up to start school sooner? Will I clean the house or make a fancier dinner? Will I read a book or watch a movie?
My motherhood experience from the beginning has also thrummed with the tension of sanctification. Will I read our science book with the kids over lunch or escape to eat my lunch in quiet for a minute? Will I hurry the kids through their schoolwork so I can check some items off my to do list, or will I exercise patience even if it's taking longer than I wanted? Will I sacrifice that last cookie and split it with the kids? Will I hoard my spare time to myself or put some aside to give my full attention to the story my girl is telling me about the exploits of her stuffed animal?
Will I hide away in my room to type up the pre-planned blog post for today, or will I settle on the couch to watch a show with my nine year old who is skipping Awana tonight because he thinks he might be getting sick?
So many choices. You can't have everything you want all at once. You must choose.
Some golden days, or even seasons, when everything goes smoothly, I might briefly experience what it's like to have it all, to do everything I planned to do. I think I've learned that these days are so rare as to be almost mythical, and I'm starting to accept it. Most days I have to choose. Am I going to lay down my life - my wants, my schedule, my plans, my feelings - in order to consider others, my family, as better than myself? Am I going to follow the example of my Savior, or go my own way?
I don't always choose right. Maybe it'll take my whole life to truly learn how to die to myself. But tonight, I'm going to go rub my sick boy's feet.
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