Most Days You Have To Choose

If there's one thing I've learned in life so far, it's that you rarely can have everything you want all at the same time. Each day is filled with so many choices.  And these choices, though they might seem small, really aren't - they lead to habits, they are the sorts of thing that make memories, they create the whole environment of the home.  

All these little choices.  Will I wake up early to read my Bible before the kids get up, or will I get extra sleep and read later?  Will I let everyone sleep longer, or get them up to start school sooner? Will I clean the house or make a fancier dinner?  Will I read a book or watch a movie? 

My motherhood experience from the beginning has also thrummed with the tension of sanctification. Will I read our science book with the kids over lunch or escape to eat my lunch in quiet for a minute?  Will I hurry the kids through their schoolwork so I can check some items off my to do list, or will I exercise patience even if it's taking longer than I wanted?  Will I sacrifice that last cookie and split it with the kids? Will I hoard my spare time to myself or put some aside to give my full attention to the story my girl is telling me about the exploits of her stuffed animal?  

Will I hide away in my room to type up the pre-planned blog post for today, or will I settle on the couch to watch a show with my nine year old who is skipping Awana tonight because he thinks he might be getting sick?

So many choices.  You can't have everything you want all at once.  You must choose.  

Some golden days, or even seasons, when everything goes smoothly, I might briefly experience what it's like to have it all, to do everything I planned to do.  I think I've learned that these days are so rare as to be almost mythical, and I'm starting to accept it.  Most days I have to choose.  Am I going to lay down my life - my wants, my schedule, my plans, my feelings - in order to consider others, my family, as better than myself?  Am I going to follow the example of my Savior, or go my own way?

I don't always choose right.  Maybe it'll take my whole life to truly learn how to die to myself.  But tonight, I'm going to go rub my sick boy's feet.

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