Why {Not} Me?

 

I think most of you know that Derek and I had troubles getting pregnant with Wyatt.  It took 11 months before we were finally able to conceive.

Technically that leaves me one month shy of being officially considered “infertile”, but I would qualify myself as sub-fertile, and those 11 months were just as painful for me as they would have been if we’d had to wait one more month.  It was hard.  It hurt.  I cried more times than I would care to admit.

I’ve written about our struggles, and some of the lessons I learned while we were waiting.  It’s easy to see the purpose of it looking back.  I learned to trust God when things don’t go my way.  I learned to be content and rest in the knowledge that God knows what He’s doing.  I learned that His plans are best.  I learned to look for the purpose in trials, and I now have the gift of knowing a little bit about what other girls are going through who are struggling with infertility (which you can’t really appreciate until you’ve gone through it yourself).

In all my previous posts I’ve put a pretty brave face on it.  And I know that all of the things I stated in those posts are true.

But when I think about the possibility of us having trouble conceiving our second baby?  It still hurts.  And it scares me.  Because even though I have my first sweet baby and he will make the process so much easier to take the second time around?  I still don’t want to go through that again.

I was talking with my mom about this subject the other day, and the words “Why me?” slipped out of my mouth.  Why do I have to have fertility problems when so many people get pregnant so easily?  Clearly I was having a dramatic moment.

Then my mom said something to me that I don’t think I’ll be forgetting.  She gently asked me “Callie, why not you?”

She explained to me what she meant, and I had a miniature epiphany.  Because she was right.

Why not me?  I have a supportive husband, supportive family, sweet friends to talk with.  I have resources.  I have the finances to seek treatment if necessary.  I have my relationship with the Lord.  And I’m not one to let these trials go to waste – I’d rather use what the Lord has brought me through to encourage others.

If someone in the world had to have fertility problems, I’d say I’m an ideal candidate.

God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, and sometimes He lets us go through hard times because ultimately it will bring Him glory.  With His help I can handle this again, if that’s what He gives me, and He will see me through.

Even if it’s just as hard as last time.  Even if it takes longer or more to make it happen.  Even if it never happens again at all.

He’s got this, and I’ve got this, and why not me

Because come what may, He will be walking with us and I’ll be fine.

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Amanda said...

Wow, this gave me chills! What a good way to look at life's trials, even though it's not always easy.

Bethany G said...

This is beautiful. It took us longer to conceive then we thought it would also.. and I definitely know how painful that is.
'Why not me?' is such a great question to ask though. Your mom is wise!

Ria @ Life as a Wife! said...

You are so inspiring! Despite trials... I love your positive take and God will SO honor that!!!!! :) Bless you Callie!

Anonymous said...

This is great, I love your godly outlook on life. So inspiring and wonderful!

Venessa said...

beautiful post. I have asked myself that question on many occasions too...why us, but your momma is right! And without those trials, I would not have this most beautiful gift that God has given us in our baby girl!

Michelle said...

Wonderful post. I've always tried to remember that God doesn't give us more than what we can handle but it's hard to understand sometimes. Thanks for posting and reminding me.

Natalie said...

Wow, I have NEVER thought of it this way! Your mom sounds very wise :) This will definitely give me some food for thought when we start thinking about #2.

Lauren said...

what a beautiful post...and seriously, thank GOD for such incredible mothers in our life! I pray I can be that kind of support & wisdome for Elyse & my future children when they need it most!

Kara @ Just1Step said...

Wow, your mom is one insightful woman!! How profound. I'm going to hold onto this idea whenever I'm struggling with "Why Me?".

Thanks for sharing, Callie. I'll be praying for you.

Dove of Snow said...

Thanks, girl! This encouraged me today. Let's just say, I "get" what you've been through and face again, now . . . and you're such a blessing with your beautiful heart for the Lord and for all things working out for your good as you put your trust in HIM first and foremost!

We are so blessed! - Rachel

Jenna said...

It took us 6 months with Jax and it took us 14 months with Lexi (with an 8 month deployment in the middle). I know exactly how you're feeling. I figured it would take us a little while with #2 but I never expected it to take so long. We went through all the testing and there was no reason it wasn't happening. It just wasn't God's timing. I spent lots of time crying and wallowing. But I will say, I'm actually happy now that our kids will be 3 years apart. Jax already loves Lexi so much and is able to participate in my pregnancy, which wouldn't have happened if he's been younger. It was definitely nice to have him to hug and kiss and snuggle while I was so sad about our unexplained infertility. Your mom gave great advice. Never forget that, and just keep loving on Wyatt as much as you can!

Sarah Louise said...

I really love the "Why not me?" attitude! I've heard that somewhere before...I know what you experienced was hard, but it's amazing how God uses the trials in our lives to make us so much stronger!

I'm not sure if this will help, but I've read that people who have a difficult time conceiving the first time, but do eventually, typically have a easier time the next time around. Good luck! You're in my thoughts and prayers :)

Jessica Elyse @ Memoirs of a Mommy said...

This is such an amazing perspective. So often we look at the why {me} and forget the what {God is teaching me}. Really gets you thinking about what really matters when things don't go as you plan. God's ways are perfect and right, even when we can't see past the current situation.

Happiness Is... said...

I love this. I feel the same way about my miscarriage. It doesn't "feel fair" but why not me? There is a reason I have been chosen for this, and it is our life, our purpose and our journey. This post was great.

Melissa said...

I totally feel you, girl. I'm still going through this - April will make one year of trying. I mean this whole time i haven't been ovulating (just TTC like "maybe this will be the month that my body starts working properly?"), and it can take women with NO problems several months to get pregnant. So then i worry that when my body DOES finally start working properly that it'll take MORE time. I will be 34 this Friday, so then i worry that baby #2 will be even harder, being that i'll be over 35 for sure by then. It's all very frustrating & scary! I really hope i don't have to go through a struggle w/ Baby 2! And i will pray you don't either!

I see what you're saying, though & it's definitely true. We have God. And such awesome friends & family! Why not us? Though, being honest, lots of times i do wonder why it can be so easy for so many to get pregnant! I have at least 10 prego friends now, most of whom weren't even trying! I'm happy for them, just ready to be in the same boat!

Thanks for this. :)

Brittney Galloway said...

Beautiful post, Callie! That is a perspective we all need to keep in mind when going through any trials that we may face. Thanks for the reminder!

Anne said...

Thanks so much for sharing this, Callie. Definitely something that I needed to hear today, as it is so easy to get caught up in the "why me" mentality, even though I know that's a totally ridiculous thought. Your mom is so wise :)

Amanda said...

What a humbling reminder and perspective your mom gave you. I understand all too well the pain of infertility :( for a year now my husband and I have been trying, believing, praying, & hoping for a miracle that can only come from God. Due to childhood cancer and treatments, we received news last year at this time that he is sterile. Some days are unbearable and so painful. But I love this perspective! Thank you so much for sharing this! New follower :) XO

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