A Lesson From The Bachelorette

So I have a confession.  I've been watching the Bachelorette.  

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That's a confession because after watching the Bachelor and learning that they have overnight dates I was sure I would never watch the show again.  And I still think that's pretty horrible.  I suppose it's reflective of where our culture is, but to include it as part of a TV show?  I still don't like it.

But back to topic.  I think with Derek being here and then gone so much, I just needed something to look forward to during the week, and so I got sucked in again.  I'm still evaluating if this is okay or not.

So I watched this last season.  And I watched the finale last week.  There was one thing that stood out to me.

In the "After The Final Rose" show, Chris was talking about when he felt confident that Desiree's feelings for him were the real deal, and he mentioned that moment when she told him he was the greatest man she'd ever known.


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I watched his face when he said it.  He absolutely lit up.  And then I wondered - when was the last time I told Derek he is the greatest man I've ever known?

I think every girl tells that to the man she marries in one way or another while they are dating or engaged.  That is a time when you are in love and carefree, when everything is fresh and new and exciting, when you want to say everything you are feeling because you are so in love.

Then after the wedding things settle down.  This isn't a bad thing.  You figure out who you are together as a couple, you get into a rhythm, and your love grows less heart-pounding and flighty, and more steady and deep.  

But in the midst of this deepening, I think it's easy to forget that your man still wants that affirmation.  He still needs to know that you think he's the greatest man in the world.  He fell in love with you when you looked at him with adoration and told him how wonderful he was at everything, told him how brilliant his ideas were, told him how great he was.

I think seeing Chris's face light up on the show reminded me of that time of early love in my relationship with Derek.  It made me think.  I know even more about Derek now than I did then, the good and the bad.  And I still think that he's the greatest man I've ever known.  

I want to make his face light up like that again.  

It was a good reminder to say the things that I sometimes assume Derek already knows.  Because he still needs to hear it.

Maybe these shows aren't completely worthless after all.

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Caravan Sonnet said...

It is so funny that you mentioned this because when I watched that part (I didn't watch the season except for a few minutes) I thought the SAME thing. Words are so incredibly powerful and this was a complete reminder to be telling those we love the most important words!
Thanks for sharing with us sweet lady!
:) Rebecca

Anonymous said...

Dear parallel lives, I learned this lesson just yesterday! I used some affectionate words with my hubby, and his reply was in jest but actually true- that I hadn't said that in years. My excuse was that I assumed he knew this about himself! I actually had to ask for forgiveness. You hit it on the nose; we get into a rhythm and forget how much that means. Thanks for this post :)

Veronica and Daniel said...

Love it! I have watched parts of this season, but missed the "after the final rose"...Thanks for the encouragement to encourage my man with my words :)

Unknown said...

I love that you wrote about this for so many reasons. 1: because I totally watched some of this season, too. My husband has been gone in the evenings a lot with a number of different commitments and I needed something to look forward to as well! 2: because the same comment stood out to me and I realized that I probably hadn't made my husband feel like this in a long time... so taking the cue last week, I wrote something about it in his birthday card and he melted when he read it, which in turn caused me to melt, too.

Bailey K. | Travel Heals said...

Thanks for this. I'm gonna go tell my husband this right now! And I agree with you on the overnight thing. The first time I watched was the last Bachelorette. If it was just more time to be with someone in a room with a couch or something, that would be one thing. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I didn't stay up all night talking to a crush before! So that would be okay. But when they do the overnight dates, it is always centered around a bedroom, and even more specifically, a BED! With rose petals on it and everything! Crazy. I don't understand.

Unknown said...

I love this takeaway from the show! I was worried after she said those words to him, that she wouldn't pick him when those words had obviously meant so much. What a cool reminder to have our husbands feel that appreciated and loved! :)

Melanie said...

Great thoughts!! I need to tell Damon this..because he definately is the greatest man I've ever known!

Unknown said...

You've hit the nail on the head, Callie! This has been on my heart too. Thanks for the inspiration :)

Kerrie Williams said...

I noticed that too. It's so important to keep saying it

Kristin said...

Love this and it inspired me to remind my husband of this! Thank you!

Rae said...

Wow, Callie. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on that. IT has been a great reminder for me to tell Ben how I feel more often. Love you, Sis!

Heather @ Simple Wives said...

I love this. Thank you for sharing. ;)

Kate Craig said...

oooo you got sucked in! I know so many people who watch, so I haven't ever turned it on, because I'm sure I would get sucked in, too. I don't need another show to wonder if I should feel guilty about watching, haha! But nice thoughts :)

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