4 hours ago
A couple weeks ago we added a tiny new aquatic member to our family. My oldest got a beta fish.
I've mentioned how my oldest had asked me a few years ago if he could have a pet. Of course I said no. When a seven year old wants a pet, we all know who will really end up taking care of it. I told him to check back when he was ten, and I honestly thought he would forget about it when the time came. Well, he did not, and so we have a new fish friend in our house.
Growing up I had probably ever kind of pet you can imagine (except most farm animals). I had a hamster at one point that died a couple years later and was memorialized by a melodramatic tree carving above it's tin-can grave.
I had a parakeet that hated my guts, and though I tried to appreciate that bird, the feeling eventually become mutual. I wore a thick rubber gardening glove every time I tried to hold it, and that bird still managed to draw blood. Notice I keep calling it "that bird". I can't remember it's name, and I think that it's noteworthy that I do remember the name of my hamster (Cream Puff), but not the name of that ornery bird.
We had outdoor cats that would frequently sneak inside when it was cold and fall asleep in the brown armchair in the corner of our living room. My mom knew they were there and chose to pretend she didn't so they could be cozy for a couple hours inside. We had several dogs that ended up being named after various cartoon characters (Winnie, Scooby), except for one, Zeke, who would not give up his original name, and another, Whiskey, so named by my dad. We had horses that we rode up mountain trails every weekend in the summer, and that we use to help haul animals out of the woods during hunting season.
And yes, we had a beta fish.
I couldn't tell you that fish's name if you asked, I only remember that everyone in the family had a different name for it (most notably dubbed "Dinner" by my dad). Dinner lived most of his life on the kitchen counter, unassuming, mostly unnoticed until disaster struck.
I can't even tell you what happened, but one day one of us kids was playing a rowdy game, and before we knew what had happened, Dinner's tank went hurtling through the air. There was water everywhere, Mom shouted at us all to freeze, and after a dramatic pause we immediately started scrambling to find the fish. We searched all over the floor, in the kitchen sink, amidst the logs inside the fireplace, and we couldn't find him. We searched for at least five minutes until my mom finally spotted him, coated in dirt, lying in the soil of a nearby potted plant. With a cry she scooped him up and dropped him into the restored fish tank, and we watched as the dirt dissolved off his little red body. I think we were all pretty sure he was a goner. But then he wiggled his little fins, his gills started going again, and he survived. He swam crooked and possibly blind for the rest of his fishy days. But he survived.
What I am saying is that beta fish are a great first pet. They are hard to kill.
Back to the current day, we picked up our little blue beta on a Wednesday night, before the kids went to Awana. It was also a very cold night, and since we usually go out to dinner while the kids are at the church, I thought we better bring the fish into the restaurant with us. We were seated, and I put the small container on the table next to us. The waitress came to take our order, but as she asked what we'd like she didn't glance at us even once, but just stared at the fish sitting on the table. This was probably some sort of health code violation. I said sorry about the fish, and she said it was alright, he wasn't hurting anybody.
As we waited for the food, I looked a little closer at the fish cup, and noticed the little blue guy was facing me. I moved my head to the other side, and he turned to face me again, tiny fins waving frantically. I tried the finger-following trick, and sure enough, he trailed my finger around the side of the cup before turning to face me again.
Dare I say I started to bond with that little fish?
We've had him for a couple weeks now, and I have to say, he's the friendliest little beta fish I've ever seen. Was my beta fish from my childhood this friendly? I don't know, but this one has the cutest fishy mannerisms I've ever seen. Every time I walk in the room, even now, he turns toward me. He seems to prefer faces. He's a cheerful personality in the corner of the boys' room, any time of day.
I like that little blue fish.
Here's a to a long, happy, beta-fish life.
One of the childhood memories that stands out most in my mind is the long weekend road trips or vacations with my family. When we went on long trips we usually took my dad's truck - my two siblings and I would be crammed into the backseat of the extended cab, with bags of books and CD's stuffed next to our feet. I spent a lot of time on those road trips reading (back when I was still able to read in the car), or listening to stories with my headphones and portable CD player. But every afternoon, after we had lunch, my dad would turn on the radio, and I'd take my headphones off as the song "My City Was Gone" by The Pretenders played and my dad jokingly grooved to the tune. That song will always be associated with backseat road trips and the start of The Rush Limbaugh Show for me.
This week Rush died of lung cancer, after putting up an amazing fight for over a year. It may seem silly to some people to get sentimental over someone you only knew through the radio. But when you grew up hearing someone's voice, and spent a couple hours nearly every other day listening to them speak, they become something of a friend to you. So I was very sad when I heard the news and realized I'd never get to hear his hopeful and joyful perspective on things again.
Yesterday I remembered that one day last summer I had taken a screen recording when he said something that was particularly poignant to me. I found it and listened again to what had seemed worth recording months ago. I wanted to share that quote here.
Life is for doing, life is for living, and to come up with excuses to not have to do it...look, life is hard. And sometimes you make it harder by making wrong choices. But life is also precious, and we only get one. Very few people realize the profundity of that. There's only one. And we get a shot at it every day. We get a shot at it. If we goof up one day, we have a chance to fix it the next, if we can set ourselves aside long enough to. That's another thing - most of life is about much more than you or me. Life is about things much larger than yourself, and the sooner you learn that in your life, the much better off you're going to be. If you're unable to escape this prison where you are the center of the universe, and your feelings and your thoughts, then you are never going to get close to maximizing your potential.
-Rush Limbaugh, July 14, 2020
You can listen to the actual clip here if you want:
Our life here is precious, a gift from God. And as long as He keeps our hearts beating, He has a purpose for us - and that is to give Him glory in everything we do, to share the hope of Christ with others, to play our small part in His plan for as long as He would have us do so. This is the thing that's bigger than ourselves. We are here for the tasks He has given us. To share the gospel of Jesus Christ, to raise our families to love Jesus, to show His love to our neighbors, to encourage others, to seek the good of the countries where He has put us.
And sometimes doing those things might seem small or insignificant, but once we realize that life is not about us, they aren't so small. We can't let our own self-centeredness or fears - fear of what others will think about us, fear of death, fear of growing older, fear of failure - keep us from gratitude for this moment God has given us to live this precious life, to bring Him glory in the tasks He has given us, before He calls us home to a life that will never fade away.
His mercies are new every morning. It might seem cliche to say, but waking up in the morning, alive and well, is evidence of God's mercy toward us each day.
Rush said something else every day toward the end that I want to remember. He opened almost every program with "I woke up this morning, and I thanked God that I did." Living in that kind of gratitude, and keeping our eyes on Our Savior for purposes bigger than ourselves - that is what it means to live a life well. I'm thankful for all of my family members who have shown me by example how to do that, and for the years of a midday reminder from good ol' El Rushbo, as The Pretenders played to a fade.
As the end of February approaches, so does my two month anniversary of being off Instagram and Facebook. I've known that my social media habits had crossed over from benign to malignant for a while, but I hadn't realized all the different ways Instagram affected me before. Do I have more time now that I am disconnected from mainstream social media? Sure, but there are other differences I've noticed. I'm sharing some of those changes I've noticed today.
1) I spend less money.
Intellectually, I knew that Instagram and Facebook were affecting the way I spent my money. Targeted advertisements are the bread and butter of Facebook/Instagram, and they are called targeted advertisements for a reason - they are tailor-made to what users would be most interested in buying. The algorithms are serious business and scarily accurate. I have definitely clicked through on too many Instagram ads in my time.
However, I hadn't thought about the other ways that Instagram affected how I spent my money. For one thing, influencer culture is mainly about influencing others to buy things - whether explicitly through sponsored posts, or subtly through aspirational, visually appealing posts. In fact, creating posts on Instagram sometimes led me to buying because I knew something would look pretty for an Instagram photo. Even seeing regular posts from friends and noticing a cute new clothing item someone was wearing, or hearing someone talk about a product that they were loving - all those things have influenced my buying choices whether I realized it at the time or not.
It's only now that I've been off Instagram for a while that I've realized how much less often I have to deal with the urge to buy something. I never thought I struggled with the fear of missing out, but I think the trick of Instagram and Facebook algorithms is figuring out how to find each person's particular brand of FOMO. And somehow they found mine without my seeing it. Being off Instagram, and away from all those influences, has helped me be much more content with the things I have.
2) I am a better parent.
This might be a bold statement, and I don't want anyone else to take it personally - I'm not saying that you are necessarily a worse parent for being on Instagram. I am saying that how social media is affecting our parenting is an area worth considering.
I don't think when I first joined (or rejoined) Facebook and Instagram as a young mom in 2012 that it necessarily affected my parenting negatively. But as time went on, Facebook and Instagram both grew into a whole other beast, in such a gradual way that I didn't realize what it was doing to my relationship with my kids until it had become a problem. In the last couple years I've found myself using Instagram as an escape when I was having a particularly difficult or boring moment as a mom, and as a result I was less present with my kids.
Since being off Instagram (and Facebook), and in fact removing them as an option for me altogether, it's as if I've received a fresh dose of perspective and attention that I didn't know I could have.
Instead of pulling out my phone while my child works through a worksheet or flashcards, I've been right there actively helping them through, and perhaps noticing the cute way a little brow furrows in concentration. Instead of feeling bored, I've found myself actually more patient in those moments than I used to be when Instagram was waiting on my phone.
I tell my kids "just a minute" less often.
I am more on top of household chores and meals, and am finding more satisfaction in those tasks.
The perspective that has come from being disconnected from social media has better equipped me to deal with messes and unexpected difficulties in a calm and patient manner.
Skill in parenting is a hard thing to quantify, and I can't explain it in more definite terms than that. I just know that being off mainstream social media for good has made a world of difference for me in my attitude as a mom.
3) I have more time to think.
This is perhaps the only semi-negative change that I've noticed since being off Instagram. Now that I am not constantly filling my time with the endless scroll, I've had more time to think.
I've thought about some things that haven't crossed my mind in years. I've thought over the ways I've managed my house, my budget, even this blog. I've remembered things that I had almost forgotten.
Unfortunately, for me at least, this has come with confronting some regrets in my life that I had mostly pushed from my mind with a click of the Instagram app before.
Sometime between the week I panicked over not saving enough at all for the kids' college funds and the week where I panicked over not being careful enough with my family's online privacy, I realized that in the past I had numbed these thoughts by distracting myself with Instagram. And now that my source of distraction was gone, I had to face some hard truths.
Let's just say I've had a lot of mental ups and downs over the last month as I have more clearly seen areas where I have not lived up to my ideals, or accomplished my goals. And I'm also a little upset at myself for numbing those feelings for years, with the distraction of Instagram-induced dopamine hits, instead of confronting and fixing the problems.
But as they say, there is no time like the present. Better late than never. As I have been forced to consider my regrets recently, I have also had the mental clarity and space to work through a practical plan to change things as I move forward. So even though facing up to the ways I have failed is a difficult change to go through, ultimately I know it will also be a positive one.
I'm sure I'll notice more changes the longer I'm away from social media, but eventually I am looking forward to finding my own, new balance - in my budget, family life, regrets and goals - without Instagram tipping the scales either way.
For those of you who have taken an Instagram break longer than a month - did you notice any ways your life or thought processes changed? I'd love to hear!
A Quote
"Anyone inclined to believe that some dark force beyond human comprehension intervened again and again to make the Great War long and ruinous would have no difficulty in finding evidence to support such a thesis."
-G. J. Meyer, A World Undone
This quote really stood out to me as I was reading my current World War 1 book this week, because I have thought this very thing. When you start learning more about World War 1, it's amazing just how many seemingly little things went wrong, and how all those little things conspired together to make this huge disaster that is WW1. It makes you think.
A Book
A lot of book bloggers/booktubers will share a monthly "TBR" (to be read) list for the upcoming month, but I decided a while ago that I will not be one of those people. Not only do I need to feel free to change up my TBR if one of the books isn't working for me, but I watched an interesting video a while back that suggested people who share their goals with others have a false sense of accomplishment and tend to not follow through as well. I don't know if that's true, but either way, you probably won't see many TBR posts here. However, I will give you a little sneak peek at one of the books that is in my stack for February - I've barely started it, but I plan on focusing on it for the next week.
I don't love the title (it seems a little...sacriligious?) but I am very interested in reading more about frugality and such this year. Mainly because I'm trying to become more frugal myself and save more money in 2021. If you have any further frugality book suggestions for me, I'm all ears!
A Bit Of Nature
I'm going with a classic sunrise photo this morning. Usually during the weekdays I wake up sometime between 6 and 7, but I may or may not make it in time for the sunrise. However, the last few weeks we have had beautiful sunrises that shine red light on the walls in my bedroom, as if it were a signal to make sure I don't miss it.
A Recommendation
I'm going to use this section to give a little shoutout to a new blog friend, Veronica from Nurturing Connections Homeschool. She and I connected on alternative social media in the beginning of January when we discovered we both gave up Instagram. She is getting back to sharing on a blog instead, and I've been enjoying the rich posts she shares. I especially resonated with this one called "Dear Facebook, It's Time To Let You Go". Head over to her blog and say hi! People who are trying to revive a blogging habit need comment encouragement!
A Moment Of Happiness
I've had a lot of happy moments lately as I've been hanging out with the kids and noticing the little quirky things they do. They are still so little. I find that as my kids keep growing bigger, and I start to expect them to do more things for themselves, I still need to keep perspective of just how young and cute they are right now. In a year, I'll look back on the photos of today, and my heart will ache at how much they've grown. So I'm trying to enjoy their smallness, their sweet childhood joys, before they slip away.
In particular, Wyatt is turning 10 years old this week, and I can hardly believe I'll have child in the double digits. A few years ago he was asking me if he could have a pet, like a fish, and in a reckless moment I said to check back with me when he was 10. Well, the year has arrived, and he did not forget, so today we are leaving for Awana early so we can make a stop at the pet store for a beta fish. He came down this morning already dressed in his Awana clothes, bouncing around. "Mom, today's the day! Today I get my fish!" His happiness is filling the house this morning, and it's contagious.
When I was a kid I lived about thirty minutes away from where I live now, another thousand feet or so in elevation, on the shady side of a valley. We used to get feet of snow piled up by midwinter, and it wouldn't start to melt until March. We had a little dachshund, and he used to go out in the snow - looking at him from the window, all you would see is a little dog bounding up and disappearing beneath the drifts.
In the last 10-15 years we've been in a dry period, and there hasn't been as much snow, even at my parents' house on the shady side of the valley. But if the Farmer's Almanacs from the last couple years are to be believed, we are trending back toward snowier winters again. I hope it's true, because I love a snowy winter, and it makes for more beautiful summers.
This last weekend we went to my parents' house for Sunday dinner. I don't know if they have feet of snow, but they have several inches coating the ground at least, and even more exciting, they have brand-new snowmobiles! I always heard stories growing up about how my mom fell off a snowmobile when she was pregnant, and I have vague memories of riding with my dad and uncle around the house we lived in when I was a baby.
I am really happy that my mom and dad get to create new memories on snowmobiles now. There is something really satisfying about seeing your parents enjoying their empty nest years, hanging out together, and doing something fun just because.
Of course, when we visited they let us ride the snowmobiles too, which is an added bonus!
Slow Motion Racing
Aside from snowmobiling on Sunday, this has been a fairly quiet, but fun, week. Before Christmas break, as we finished up our Botany science curriculum, Clyde asked if we could learn about cars for science in the spring. I really had no idea where to go with that, but I determined to try to put together a car-related science study. One of the ideas I came up with is to learn about the concepts of motion and energy, and on Monday I pulled out the new science curriculum (this one, in case you are interested). We had races and timed and calculated everyone's speed, but the most entertaining part of the whole day was when I filmed a slow-motion video to determine who won the races. The kids gathered around my phone to watch, and they laughed so hard seeing themselves in slow motion. I captured a hilarious video of their slow-motion running faces, and Derek and I have watched it several times as a pick-me-up. They are just so funny and cute!
Friends, Family, And Awana
On Tuesday we met our friends at the park, which is something that we have not been able to do for a while, and it was much-needed refreshment! The kids played, the littler ones got some good practice at coming when called, and it was a gorgeous day out. I had been in winter mode prior to Tuesday, but now I admit I'm starting to itch for signs of spring! I'll still take all the snow though. My feelings are right in the middle.
Wednesday was neon night for Awana, so we picked up some tie dye on the way home from the park and made shirts Tuesday night. However, too late I realized that I forgot to get the shirts wet before applying the dye, so it didn't spread well at all. Back down to town I went on Wednesday morning to get more dye, and the second attempt worked a little better.
I hope the third time is the charm, because some friends and I decided to give tie dye a try for ourselves during a little craft brunch later this month! In case you didn't notice, tie dye seems to be the trend this spring. Try counting the number of tie dye items you spot next time you go to Target and you'll see what I mean.
Every year my mom takes each of her grandkids out for a shopping day and sleepover for their birthday, and Wyatt's birthday is coming up this month. The boy cousins will be at the sleepover tomorrow night, so we decided to do a game night with my sister's family since we'll both only have our girls. We are going to play this game that we got a couple years ago - it's a very multi-faceted, complicated strategy game, if you also like that sort of thing!
That's All, Folks
All that to say, this was our busiest week of 2021 so far. Maybe I'm getting old, because I'm tired just thinking about it, but also very happy. I'm so glad to be able to see friends and family and make memories - it's not something we don't take for granted anymore, is it?
I'm typing this up on Thursday night, and Derek and I decided earlier that he would go do his workout this evening while I watch a documentary about World War 1 called "They Shall not Grow Old". I'm a big documentary fan, and Derek is a little more picky in his documentary tastes, so we always have a conundrum when I have one that I want to watch. This seemed like a good solution.
My blog buddy Brittney recommended this one to me last year around this time (when I wrote about doing a World War 1 study project), and I'm just now getting around to watching it. Do you see why I'll probably need two years to properly go through all my World War 1 resources? Maybe it's taking so long because of procrastination, but I will eventually read and watch everything on my list. I am thinking about writing a post with my favorite World War 1 resources so far.
(Update: The documentary was really good - it was exclusively quotes from WW1 veterans played over actual footage from the war that had been colorized. It was so interesting!)
Also on the blog docket...and update about how it is going without social media, since I've been without all social media for about a month now (except very light use of MeWe). Spoiler: it's going really well, and I have a lot of thoughts about it I'd like to share as they have a chance to settle a bit.
It's almost the kids' bedtime, and Clarice and Georgie have been running in and out of the room as I'm typing this, telling me very mundane bits of information, such as "Guess what, Mom? Dad already fed us dinner!". So I'm going to go give them some attention before we tuck them in.
What have you been up to this week?
Despite not getting much done in January, one area that was above average was the amount of books I read! I read eleven books in January. My record is twelve books in one month, so this was pretty close! Here are the books I read, and brief thoughts about them.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson - This was our read aloud from December that we finished up in January. The Herdmans are the worst kids in town, and when they decide they want all the major parts in the church Christmas pageant, drama ensues. My kids thought this book was hilarious, and we all liked the end when the Herdmans start to see the true meaning of Christmas, and inadvertently help everyone else see it too. Content notes: Some mean names, I just edited them out as I was reading it.
Love Your Life Not Theirs by Rachel Cruze - This book is written by Dave Ramsey’s daughter, so if you know his money philosophy, you already know most of what is in this book. Cruze presents her points in an engaging way, and I generally agree with her money “habits”. The book was motivating, and helped me refocus my money strategy, but my self-help-averse side didn’t always love the way she so specifically told the reader what to do. (There is a reason I don’t read many self-help books.)
Raising Them Up by Israel Wayne - Two parenting books in two months, who even am I? Like I said last month, I am picky about the parenting books I read, but I had heard Wayne speak before, so I picked up this one. While the chapters seemed a little disconnected, there is a lot of solid biblical parenting advice and good points to consider in this book. I’d recommend it!
Lord Of The Flies by William Golding - My friend Danae and I were going to read this together two years ago, and I’m just now finishing it. Whoops! I’m really glad I read this for the first time as an adult, because I got so much out of it. I thought the political analogy was really interesting in this book, and also found the portrayal of the fallenness of human nature very impactful. I read a quote from the author talking about how the boys are rescued from their worst impulses by the arrival of the navy, but his question was, who is going to rescue the adults from all the evil we commit against each other? And that made me think about how as Christians, we DO have a Rescuer coming (Jesus!) to save us from our sin and evil natures. So I found this book really meaningful, and in an odd way, uplifting, because of that. Content notes: Lots of violence, and disturbing imagery.
Sweep: The Story Of A Girl And Her Monster by Jonathan Auxier - In this middle-grade book, a girl who is a chimney sweep in Victorian London is rescued from a chimney fire by a small piece of char that has come to life (given to her by her adoptive father before he died). There are strong themes of loss in this book, so if I were to let my kids read it someday, I’d wait until the older end of the age range. I think it’s probably going to be more appreciated by older kids or adults with a little more life experience - personally, I loved it. It made me tear up multiple times, and the ending was perfect. Content notes: Sad themes, fantastical/magical elements.
The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime by Mark Haddon - This book is written from the perspective of a child with autism, as he tries to navigate the very adult problems of the people around him. In one sense, I thought it was really interesting to read a book about an autistic character - on the other hand, it broke my heart a little bit to read how he was affected by a lot of the poor decisions of the adults in his life. Interesting, but not very uplifting, and not for kids. Content notes: Lots of cussing, adult situation references (you can read between the lines here, right?), and various atheistic/evolutionary references since the kid doesn't believe in God.
The Lake House by Kate Morton - A one year old disappears from the family estate and is never found. Years later, a detective on leave stumbles upon the old estate and starts digging into the case. Kate Morton always does a fantastic job of tying up every loose end in a surprising way. This was one of her better books I’ve read so far! Content notes: Infidelity is part of the plot, no explicit descriptions.
The 7 1/2 Deaths Of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton - The plot of this book is wild - a man wakes up in a body that is not his own, and finds out he will wake up in a different character’s body each day over the course of a week, as he tries to solve the murder of Evelyn Hardcastle. This book has definite creepy elements - the main character is basically trapped in a bizarre psychological prison. Despite the weird elements (it was definitely not written with a Christian spiritual framework), the mystery and the way the author weaves together such a bizarre plot was interesting to me. Not entirely sure if I’d recommend it or not, but it did keep me reading. Content notes: Rather graphic on the violence, infidelity (not explicitly described), and bizarre supernatural elements required for the plot.
Narrative Of The Life Of Frederick Douglas by Frederick Douglas - This is the autobiography of Frederick Douglas, written after he escaped slavery. Despite being written so long ago, this book is written in a really engaging way, and I found Douglas's escape and viewpoint on slavery (which was still legal in the south at the time he wrote this) so interesting. He wrote this book in part to convince others of the evils of slavery, and I found it really moving. Definitely recommend if you are interested in the pre-Civil War time period.
The Narcissism Epidemic by Jean M. Twenge - This book addresses the different cultural trends that are leading to a rise of narcissism. I found this book really insightful and interesting, though the definition of narcissism was slightly more narrow than other definitions I've come across. I found this especially interesting to read as a parent, thinking about how I can protect my kids against the cultural narcissism that is almost encouraged today. I'd recommend it if you are interested in psychological and cultural subjects.
World Religions And Cults: Volume Two by Ken Ham and Bodie Hodge - This series is a summary of all the world religions, and is written from a Christian perspective. What I love about these books is how each chapter not only tells about a different religion, but it explains how it is different from Christianity, and how the people in each religion can be reached for Christ. I'm planning on moving on to the third volume this month, but these books, though engaging, are so full of information that I know it will take me a while to finish the third one!
And that's it for January! Remember, if you fill out the survey in this post (make sure to include your email), you will be entered to win one of these books, or one of the books I finish in February! You can sign up for my newsletter if you want a sneak peek of the books I'm going to attempt to finish in February (no guarantees, but I'll try!).
Have you read any of the books I read in January? What did you think? Am I the only one who hasn't read The Lord Of The Flies until now? What have you been reading this month?
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