Five Minutes


When I first found out we were having a boy, one of the first things I did was buy Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson. I was pretty overwhelmed at the thought of raising a boy. Mostly because I'm a girl - I've never been a little boy, so I don't know how they think, and I decided any insight into little boys would be pretty valuable.

I'm almost done with it now - it has taken me forever to finish it, because we've been so busy. There are a couple of things that Dr. Dobson says in the book that I don't completely agree with, but I've found the majority of the book to be interesting and helpful.

I was reading a chapter last night about building meaningful relationships with your kids, and something was mentioned that I never thought of before. It said "the first five minutes occurring between people sets the tone for everything that is to follow".

When I read that, I realized how true it really is. My interactions with Derek in the first five minutes of the day, or in the first five minutes after he gets home, does set the tone for the rest of our time together. If we're cheerful and greet each other with a smile, we typically have a lovely day or evening. But if one or the other of us is grouchy or distracted, our time together is usually less than enjoyable.

I've written before of my conviction about my words, including this verse:

"But I say to you that for every idle word that men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgement."
Matthew 12:36


Not only will I have to give an account for my careless words someday, but they also have an immediate effect on a relationship. I knew that, but I never thought about the fact that one careless word could affect the rest of my interaction with that person, whether for the rest of the day, or even the rest of the relationship. It's a sobering thought.

I'm going to attempt keep the effect of "the first five minutes" in mind in my interactions with those I love - because if I can control my own attitude in those first few minutes, alot of conflicts and tension could be avoided, and my relationships with my family and Derek could be much more peaceful and satisfying.

I wonder if this principle applies to dogs too? Harvey has been driving me nuts lately . . .


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Unknown said...

Very true Callie, that's made me think! :)

Emily Powell said...

Our pastor a few years ago read us a poem about raising a son in a series on parenting. This poem, to me, tells why raising a son can be so difficult. If we have a little boy I am for sure printing this out and framing it in his nursery. Here is a link to the poem: http://1stholistic.com/reading/liv_poem-build-me-a-son.htm

Rachel and John said...

So interesting! Thanks for sharing!

Anne said...

This is interesting - something I will keep in mind when I interact with everyone. Thanks for sharing!

Kristin said...

Very interesting! Thanks!

Kari said...

wow..that "first five minutes" thing is very interesting..! :)

cait said...

Great message...thanks for sharing! I so often am quick to respond before thinking.

By the way...bought the "Start a Family" book you mentioned...LOVE it so far and have recommended it to so many. Thanks for passing that along too!

Melanie said...

That is something to definately think about when in contact with others..whether its a spouse or anyone really...soo true too how it affects relationships!

Jessica said...

I had never heard that about the first 5 minutes before, but it's definitely true in our house!

That's a great idea to read that book! I'm doing something similar lately...I've been reading "Wild at Heart" which is a book all about men in case I ever have little boys. I guess maybe I'm putting the cart before the horse a little since I'm not even pregnant. Haha! But I found it for $.50 at a thrift store and bought it for Luke...I was so curious I decided to read it too so that I can understand Luke better, and in case I ever have little boys.

Ashley said...

That sounds like great advice!! I think I'll have to pay attention to that first 5 minutes too! Also looks like a good book, I'll have to read one of these days :)

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