Good At Grudges

Have you ever been wronged by someone? Oh, I'm sure most of you have. Or if you haven't been personally wronged by someone, someone could have wronged someone you love. Either circumstance will suffice for my point.

It's really easy for me to hold grudges. It's really hard for me to let something go.

Now, I don't think it's unreasonable to guard your heart after someone has broken it once already. Someone can hurt you, and you can fully forgive them, but that doesn't mean you have to fully trust them again - in fact in some instances, it might be foolish to trust that person again.

But I'm not talking about simply withholding trust or guarding your heart, which I don't see anything wrong with - I'm talking about grudges.

You know you're holding a grudge when everything that person does annoys you, because of the way they treated you in the past.

You know you're holding a grudge when you compare that person's current actions, good or bad, with the way they treated you in the past.

You know you're holding a grudge when you immediately think the worst of that person in any given circumstance, because if they could treat you in such a way, then how could their motivation for anything else be good?

Yes, I can hold a pretty mean grudge.

And it's so, so wrong.

It doesn't matter if I was completely blameless in the situation where someone may have hurt me. It doesn't matter if they were completely in the wrong. It doesn't matter if they won't apologize.

If I don't forgive them, and let go of my grudge, then I'm the one who's wrong. I'm the one who's going to have to explain my bad attitude to the Lord someday.

You know what else I've learned? Grudges build walls. Obviously between you and the other person, but also between you and the Lord.

Sometimes when I wonder why I'm going through such a dry period, I look at my life and realize that something in my attitude is hindering me from fellowshipping with my Heavenly Father in the way that I want to.

And very often it's a grudge. Accompanied by pride, a self-righteous attitude, and unforgiveness.

This is a very ugly part of my heart. I wish it would go away. But the only way it will is through alot of prayer, and a conscious effort to change my attitude. Both of which take time.

But in the end it's worth all the time and effort - because I want to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles". I want to "run the race marked out for [me], fixing my eyes on Jesus" (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Your eyes can't be fixed on Jesus when your holding a grudge in front of your face.

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Kara @ Just1Step said...

Ooooh very good thoughts, Callie. I'm impressed that you can think so clearly with a newborn at home. :)

Definitely got me thinking. And like how do I know if it's a grudge, or if that person just annoys me. Like if the person also annoys other people who haven't been hurt by him/her, then does it still qualify as a grudge? Just food for thought and pondering. :) (And this by no means is any excuse for my sinful, judgmental attitude. I need to work on it regardless.)

LeAnna said...

Very good word, girl. So many of us need to hear this.

Amber said...

So true! I tend to hold grudges as well...though the Lord has definitely done some work in that area of my life. But it's something I'll always struggle with and have to bring to Him. Good to know I'm not alone in my ugliness ;)

Veronica and Daniel said...

Thank you for shareing your wisdom. I really needed to read this and let the Lord speak to me in a situation that I am facing right now with a grudge. I am continually amazed by God's perfect timing :)

Rachel and John said...

I too hold grudges. And then once I finally let the grudge go, it is SO easy to start it up again. Your post is great and something I need to remember.

Ashleigh said...

Callie, you have no idea how much I needed this post! It was literally like a slap in the face, but in a good way! :) It just made me realize that I have some areas in my life I need to give over to the Lord, so I can walk in right fellowship with Him. Thanks for taking time from your busy schedule to write this!!! It was much appreciated! :)

Anonymous said...

Perfect title. I, too, have the ability/tendecy to hold a real strong grudge. I think girls do this much more than men. Last fall, I was listening to K-love and someone called in to share this quote that really hit home: "Bitterness is like swallowing poison and expecting the other person die." I am only tearing myself down by holding a grudge!

Melanie said...

What you said is SOO true Callie. I'm the same way..I tend to hold grudges whether I'm aware of it or not at the time, towards people who have done me or someone I love wrong. Its hard not to sometimes..but with God's help we can overcome. :-)

Julie S. said...

This is very, very powerful and really spoke to me. I too am reallllly good at holding grudges and it TOTALLY gets in the way! :(

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