Wondering Why


Sometimes I just don't understand.

I've asked myself this question a million times - first from a broken heart because of my own fertility problems, and now from a breaking heart for dear friends who have been going through the same thing.

Why do some people who don't want their babies, and who won't love their babies, get pregnant at the drop of a hat, while godly, Christian couples who have prayed and longed for a baby can't get pregnant?

In theory, I know the answer. God can use these situations to reach others for Him, He can teach us lessons we never would have learned otherwise, He sees the big picture, we can see only a part of it. I know all this with my head. And in my heart I know and I believe that God is good and just, even though it may not seem fair.

But I think there will always be a little part of my heart that doesn't understand. Because I see so many friends who are trying for a baby, and they can't have one. And I don't understand why the Lord doesn't grant them that blessing, when they've done everything His way, and are continuing to try to do things right.

My heart breaks for those I know who are trying for their little blessings. And it's especially hard to see, because really there is nothing I can do.

Nothing except pray. When I mentioned to my mom my heartache because there is nothing I can do except pray for these dear friends, she responded by saying "Praying is the most powerful thing you can do, Callie."

I replied that sometimes prayer doesn't feel powerful. I've been praying for months and months, and nothing seems to change.

Of course I know with my head that prayer is the most powerful thing. But my deceptive heart doesn't always believe it.

You know what's amazing? When I start to lose heart in my prayer life, the Lord always finds a way to give me a glimmer of hope. That's what happened this past week as I found out that two ladies who were on my baby prayer list are pregnant.

I know prayer is powerful.

I know God is just and good.

I know there is always a reason.

I know that I may not always understand, but I'll continue to trust Him and believe that He has a plan that is so much better than what I can understand.

That, after all, is what faith is.



P.S. I seriously do have a prayer list of lovely ladies who are trying to get pregnant. If I know you are trying, rest assured that you are on it, and I'm praying for you - and I'll continue to pray for you until I hear the happy news! If I don't know you are trying, I would love to pray for you as well - just shoot me an e-mail saying you want to be on the list, and I'll know what you're talking about. It gives me a thrill when I can write a P.T.L. after one of your names!
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Emily P. said...

our pastor said one time that God's distribution of children is something that he will never understand.

Anne said...

I love that that you have a list of people you pray for consistently - I really do think its the most powerful thing you can do. I know that God will answer in His time and for His purposes and you will be blessed because you continued to pray.

Rachel said...

It's definitely hard to understand, but as with everything in life, there is a bigger picture. It's sweet that you have a prayer list specifically for those ladies. We aren't trying yet, but I always worry that I will be one of those women that can't get pregnant. Maybe you can add me for that reason :).

Jennifer said...

I am so excited about having a child one day. I pray that we will be able to. Sometimes God works in ways we can't understand, but He is surely good. This was a great post girl!

Claire said...

Although I've never struggled with infertility myself, I've often wondered the same thing. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. (or most of the time.) Thanks for putting a voice to something I think alot of us wonder. How awesome that you're actively praying for women in this boat. Your mom is so right... even when we can't feel it, prayer is power. God is good, even when we can't understand His ways.

Haley Galloway said...

You have a loving, beautiful heart sister. I was blessed by reading this. It's amazing the things we take for granted.

Prayer and intercession is the most beautiful, powerful act you can do for someone. Your list of people to pray for is so endearing! Bless you!

Melanie said...

I know exactly what you mean Callie. Its almost unfair to think of the ones who get pregnant so easily and yet don't want that special gift from God, a baby, at all and those who long for a precious child and can't conceive. Its almost cruel to think about..but God knows why and I guess some things aren't for us to understand. Your mom was right too..prayer is the biggest thing we can do..even when sometimes it never feels like enough.

LeAnna said...

I can understand those feelings of why. I've never struggled with infertility, but know so many who do. I've suffered miscarriage, but it's totally different than someone who's never been able to conceive. I have several friends who are dealing with this right now, and all I can do is pray for them. I know it's hard for them to talk to me about it, because I have two babies, and have had no trouble conceiving them. I always struggle with my place, and what to say/what not to say. It's hard being on the other end of the spectrum, too. I know I often feel bad (for lack of a better word - even though I know there is one I Just can't think of it!) for our ease in bearing children. It's tough, and I'm thankful for a sovereign Lord.

Rebecca Louise. said...

I am with you on this. I work on a gynae ward and the amount of woman that come in for terminations is awful. Then the next day we have people who have overstimulating ovaries due to effects of IVF. Those people want a baby. Just so unfair but it's life :(

Megan Knight said...

Callie, it is so true. The Lord is sovereign and although I don't like how beautiful people have a hard time having children, I know that HIS plan is so much better than ours. What a daily struggle to believe...

Natalie said...

Once again you have encouraged me so much!
I am so looking forward to 'paying it forward' and continuing to pray for all of those ladies trying to get pregnant, as you have done for me! God answers our prayers when we seek Him faithfully!
I will never understand it, either, but He is sovereign and good! I guess we just have to trust in that when we don't know why!

Tatiana said...

I have totally asked myself that question a million times. It doesn't feel fair or right, but God always has a reason, even if it's hard for the rest of us to accept it.

Julie S. said...

This is something I will never understand. Granted, we haven't had to deal with any fertility issues (Praise God!) but several of our friends have. And it is so hard to call them after they called us one month ago to tell us their news, and we are pregnant as well- after barely even trying. It's humbling, but I wish all people were as fortunate as us.

I do think the power of prayer is a wonderful thing- God will answer in his time, even when we don't understand!

~M~ said...

This post speaks so much to me! It is all so true. I'm now 14 weeks along but it took 9 months (which was a total emotional roller coaster).

Jessica said...

Thanks for posting this...it brought a tear to my eye. I know exactly what you are saying. It doesn't make sense, and can be one of the hardest things in life to deal with. But like you said, God knows what He's doing, and He's doing it for a reason. Hopefully someday I will understand when I'm on the other side of this situation!

Thanks for the encouragement :-)

Shay said...

Callie this post is beautiful you never cease to make me feel at ease about our infertility journey

Amanda Godin said...

Your prayers may seem insignificant at times, and you may get discouraged when it seems like God is taking His time answering them, but those of us that you faithfully intercede for feel those prayers and are greatly encouraged. Your story has encouraged me so much and gives me hope for the future (a future with children!) Thank you so much!

Dandy said...

I know exactly what you mean. My great nephews mom just gave him up. Says she can't really handle him. He is 8 months old... and sick and it breaks my heart.

She doesn't deserve him and he deserves so much more than her.

Prayers to your friends.

Dandy said...

Holy moly- you little man is precious!

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