I'm excited to share today's guest post, because it's on a topic that is really important for me right now - making that transition from a family of three to a family of four! I found Paula's blog, Hopeful Future, through a link-up, and I'm so glad I did - she has so many good things to say on her blog, and I was so happy when she said she's like to write a guest post for me on this topic! I think she has some really great tips to share, so read on and be sure to stop by her blog and say hello!
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Hi! I'm Paula a bloggy friend of Callie's! My family just made the transition from "family of 3" to "family of 4" so I'm here today to share a few tips and tricks we have learned along the way. My son "Little Man" was around 21 months old when his baby sister was born. We did as much as we could to prepare him for the big change before she got here (click here to read Paula's post about preparing her son for Baby #2), and I'm really glad we did, but it was still a big transition for the little guy so I wanted to share a few ideas that might help any one else about to make the "big transition".
1. Expect your toddler to regress back into some old habits that you thought were long gone - This is normal and natural. We had gotten past tantrums for the most part before the baby came, but after she was here a week or two he was right back at it again throwing fits! I had heard from many other mamas that this is to be expected so I was ready for it, which it much less stressful when it happened!
2. Stay consistent - As he's regressing or acting out remember that everything in the toddler's world has just changed, that can be scary for him and he will test boundaries both for attention and to see if the boundaries are still there. Stay calm and stay consistent. I tried my best to handle each outburst the exact same way I would have handled it in the past. This helped him realize that some things (like rules) are staying the same. It is MUCH harder to be consistent while tending to the needs of a newborn, but toughing it out, especially the first week, will help in the long run. There were times that I would stand next to him in time out (so he wouldn't run away) while nursing the newborn. Other times I would have to put her down in the middle of a feeding in order to address something with my son. It was tedious and felt never ending, but if you are consistent, that time period passes fairly quickly. The first week or two he would try something every time I sat down to nurse. But eventually he realized that even though my hands were full, he would still have consequences for his actions. Lesson learned, and now he only 'tries it' sometimes ;)
3.One on One time - This seems like a no-brainer but it is hard to remember to do it! I try every day to spend some time with JUST my toddler. I will put the baby in her swing in another room and focus entirely on my son. Even just 10 or 15 minutes like this do wonders for his behavior. Most of the time when he is really acting out, I realize that it's because haven't given him and 1 on 1 time yet that day and he is craving attention! I try to fix that as soon as I can (without him thinking that he gets 1 on 1 time if he's naughty!)
Something I have been doing lately that works really well for us is preparing the baby for the day before I get my son up. that way his first few moments awake and out of his room are 1 on 1 mama/son time just like it used to be. Even if we just play for 10 minutes together at the start of the day it seems to start out day out a bit happier. Even if he had to wait in his room for a bit while I got his sister nursed and diaper changed etc.
4. Try to involve the toddler in what you are doing - My son loves "helping" with his sister. bringing her pacifier or stuffed animal when she's crying etc.
Oftentimes when I'm nursing the baby I ask him to bring me a book and we will read a story together on the couch so he's not excluded. He ends up declining half the time, but he knows I'm not pushing him away ;)
5. Don't get mad when the toddler's "help" is not helpful - I can't tell you how many times my son has decided to "help" by attempting to shove a pacifier in the peacefully sleeping baby's mouth, decided to "share" something heavy with her by putting it on her little lap etc. etc. sigh. Very hard not to respond angrily, but I don't want my son to be afraid to interact with his sister, so I try hard to just steer the help in another direction, being sure to thank him for his attempted help even as I'm telling him not to do it again! I know his heart is in the right place, though it is hard to keep that in mind sometimes. Example: He likes trying to brush her hair, but that's not a great activity for him so instead of just telling him to stop touching her head I do that and then suggest that he tickle her feet, and show him how fun that can be. It makes interacting with baby safe and fun! instead of something he can get in trouble for. (he does get in trouble when he is intentionally hitting her etc. but not when he's trying to help and just doesn't know how to properly)
6. Let your toddler still be a baby - My son still loves it when I call him my baby. Every time he gets out of the tub he asks to be swaddled in a towel and rocked like a baby. Every. Single. Time. I don't take that from him because he will always be my baby, and I don't want him to think that the new baby has replaced him in any way. He may not put be able to put it into words, but when he holds his arms up to me and asks to be the "baby" I feel that's his little heart asking if I still love him just as much as I used to, he wants to be sure that my love hasn't changed. I call him "big boy" and my "little man" too, he's growing up fast but I didn't force him to be called a big boy 24/7 just because there is a new baby around.
7. Be ready for melt downs - It amazes me how often they have synchronized melt downs. In fact, if you come by my house at 5pm most days you will be able to witness it! My only advice would be to make sure you are mentally and emotionally prepared for this (it can be a tad draining)! Remember that kiddos fussing doesn't mean you are a bad mama! We have all been there (or we will be at some point). try to remain as calm as you can and deal with whoever's need is more urgent, or most easily fixed. Example: baby girl is screaming because she's hungry, and Little Man wants me to cut up an apple for him. I will usually get the apple first because then he will be calm while I feed his sister (The longer task)... sometimes there are no easy fixes and that's one of those nights when you count the minutes til daddy comes home to help! Don't worry not every day is like that! (sidenote: I always try to text my hubby and warn him if we're having one of those days, so he comes in prepared to help out!)
8. Invest in a sling or carrier for the baby - I'm using my ERGO baby carrier way more this time around! I use it at the park so I can chase after my son if need be. I use it when we go grocery shopping because I can't fit both of them in the cart until she is sitting up I use it on walks when I don't want to get the huge double stroller out etc. I didn't think a carrier would be as essential to my life as my ERGO has become. I wore it maybe a dozen times with my son, never really liked it. Now, I wear it multiple times a week. If you don't have one, register for one asap! ;)
Growing to a family of four has, overall, been easier than I was expecting! The main difference is that I am more confident as a mother. I'm not paranoid and stressed all the time, and that has made a HUGE difference. The second thing that makes it easier is that my husband and I have been through it together once already, we know the stresses a new baby put on marriage, and we know how to communicate our needs to each other, and to be patient with one another as we go through the exhausting newborn stage again. We also know how intentional we have to be about spending husband and wife time together talking or playing board games etc. AND giving each other a couple kid-free hours every week. These changes have made all the difference in the world!
It is hard, and stressful, but it is wonderful and amazing too! :) I love having two kids, "easy" is no longer a word in my vocabulary, because EVERYTHING takes more time, effort and planning now, but it's so worth it.
I know there is no one size fits all for every family, so these are just a few tips and ideas that helped our transition from 1 baby to 2 go as smooth as possible. I hope some of them help you too!
<3 paula
Thanks for sharing! These are great things to keep in mind, many of which I hadn't thought of before.
that picture of him looking at her is hilarious!
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