1 hour ago
If there's one thing I've learned in life so far, it's that you rarely can have everything you want all at the same time. Each day is filled with so many choices. And these choices, though they might seem small, really aren't - they lead to habits, they are the sorts of thing that make memories, they create the whole environment of the home.
All these little choices. Will I wake up early to read my Bible before the kids get up, or will I get extra sleep and read later? Will I let everyone sleep longer, or get them up to start school sooner? Will I clean the house or make a fancier dinner? Will I read a book or watch a movie?
My motherhood experience from the beginning has also thrummed with the tension of sanctification. Will I read our science book with the kids over lunch or escape to eat my lunch in quiet for a minute? Will I hurry the kids through their schoolwork so I can check some items off my to do list, or will I exercise patience even if it's taking longer than I wanted? Will I sacrifice that last cookie and split it with the kids? Will I hoard my spare time to myself or put some aside to give my full attention to the story my girl is telling me about the exploits of her stuffed animal?
Will I hide away in my room to type up the pre-planned blog post for today, or will I settle on the couch to watch a show with my nine year old who is skipping Awana tonight because he thinks he might be getting sick?
So many choices. You can't have everything you want all at once. You must choose.
Some golden days, or even seasons, when everything goes smoothly, I might briefly experience what it's like to have it all, to do everything I planned to do. I think I've learned that these days are so rare as to be almost mythical, and I'm starting to accept it. Most days I have to choose. Am I going to lay down my life - my wants, my schedule, my plans, my feelings - in order to consider others, my family, as better than myself? Am I going to follow the example of my Savior, or go my own way?
I don't always choose right. Maybe it'll take my whole life to truly learn how to die to myself. But tonight, I'm going to go rub my sick boy's feet.
This week I want to start a conversation here about hobbies. Hobbies, in a lot of ways, seem to be in decline. I want to talk about why that is, and also why it is a worthwhile thing to pursue a hobby. I don't think hobbies are insignificant or meaningless, and I want to see if I can articulate my thoughts on the subject.
First, let's talk about what a hobby is. This would be my definition:
A hobby is an activity that is done for enjoyment and produces something, and is not done on a professional level in exchange for money.
I'm defining a hobby this way because I think once an activity is done in exchange for money, it becomes a business or profession. That's not to say that it's any less worthwhile if you get paid for your hobby - in fact, I think if you can turn a hobby you enjoy into a profession, you are a very blessed person! And I think that even if you make your hobby your business, it can still be a hobby in essence if there are aspects you still do purely for the enjoyment of it (for example, if you have a photography business, but you still take photos that you aren't getting paid for, just because you love it). But if your hobby is turned into a business, and you now only do it on a professional level, that changes the dynamic a bit, I think.
The other part of my definition is that an activity qualifies as a hobby if it is producing something. An activity that is done for enjoyment and does not produce something would be a pastime. Pastimes can certainly still be a valuable and enriching use of time, such as reading or traveling or playing sports (though I'm sure you can think of a bunch of pastimes that are really wastes of time too!). Pastimes are fun, but hobbies have to involve creating something.
It's not a perfect definition, and a lot of things are hard to categorize, but let's just work with it for the sake of this post.
I don't think there are a lot of people, especially young people, doing hobbies that are just hobbies anymore. Personally I think there are two reasons for this.
1.There is a lot of pressure to "go professional" with your hobbies.
I think there is this idea in our culture right now that if you are producing something, it's not truly valuable unless you are making money from it.
I find this a lot with blogging for example. I tend to avoid telling people that I have a blog, because there is a sense in which running a blog is looked down upon if your blog is not a certain size and bringing in an income. Personally, I reject that view of blogging. Writing is certainly producing something, and practicing translating your thoughts into the written word is a worthwhile pursuit in my book. Blogging and writing is not worth less because you decide to keep it in the hobby category instead of going professional with it.
Photography is another personal example. I enjoy photography and creating beautiful portraits of my kids at the different stages of their life. I enjoy paying attention to the light and capturing a candid moment, just for the fun of it. It adds a lot of happiness to my life and is a way of keeping my memories. Is that worth less because I'm not earning money from it? I don't think so.
I also know, because of photo sessions I've done for other people, that turning photography into a business would completely change the game for me. There would always be aspects that I enjoy, but adding the stress of setting up an actual business and pleasing customers changes it from a hobby into something else.
It's okay to consider carefully whether "going professional" would steal the fun out of your hobby. And if you think it would, it's okay to reject the pressure to go professional. It's okay to have something that you do purely for the joy of it.
2. There are a lot of ways to waste time these days.
I think another reason why hobbies, true hobbies according to my imperfect definition, are on the decline is because there are so many distractions and time-wasters in this day and age. And I'm saying that with no judgement, because I spend 2-4 hours per day on my phone.
I know that even if I threw my phone away tomorrow, I wouldn't all of a sudden have a 2-4 hour chunk of time on my hands. The time on my phone is spent in snatches. But if I didn't have that distraction constantly pulling at me, would I be able to finish the essential tasks faster? Would being more efficient allow me to be able to schedule more time to produce something of value, instead of scrolling and consuming on my phone?
It probably would. And insert whatever distraction you want here, it all applies. Watching videos. Listening to podcasts. Checking social media. Who has time for hobbies with all the things we could be watching or listening to?
Note: Somebody will say that social media or podcasts or Youtube can be a hobby, but I want to make a distinction - those platforms are not hobbies, but they can be a way to showcase hobbies. Writing and photography is the hobby, and that is showcased on Instagram (or a blog). Making videos is the hobby, and that is showcased on Youtube. And think about the podcasts you listen to - a lot of them are based around the speaker's hobbies or interests, aren't they? You should take ownership of the actual hobby - writing, photography, producing videos, speaking about something that interests you - and don't minimize what you do by substituting the platform for the skill. (And if all you do is consume or re-post on those platforms - that's not a hobby according to my imperfect definition, remember?)
Just to clarify, I don't think there is anything wrong with spending a reasonable amount of time doing the things I mentioned above. A lot can be learned from podcasts and videos, and I would never fault someone for checking in on social media and using it to interact with family and friends. But there is something important in producing something, instead of alway just consuming. Constantly consuming without ever using what we glean to produce something...well, I don't think it's good for the soul.
I think about the older people I have known in my life, the ones I've known who are free from the pull and distraction of technology because it wasn't something that had become a habit for them. Most of them had hobbies, or pastimes that were worthwhile. Most of them produced something that can be handed down to their children and grandchildren. And so many of them were/are truly interesting and happy people because of it.
I think we are missing something with all these distractions, something small perhaps, but nevertheless significant. I think we need to get back to hobbies.
Do you have a hobby? Do you agree with my definition? What do you think, is there a decline of hobbies in the younger set?
(Note: Dennis Prager's video about hobbies is what first started getting me thinking about the subject, and he has an interesting theory about why they are in decline!)
"It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will. Of course, you must make it up firmly."
-Anne Of Green Gables
Don't you just love Anne? Lots of good quotes in those books, aside from the obligatory October one!
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As you read this, I am flying back from a quick trip to Montana for my cousin's wedding! It's a whirlwind trip and I'm sure I'll be exhausted, so we'll see how my 31 Days Of Small Things project goes this week. Here are some of the topics I'm hoping to get to (if you paid attention to the schedule last week, you know I probably won't follow this - but having it written out helps me to stay at least a little on track).
Monday: What Happened To Hobbies?
Tuesday: The Value Of Creating Tangible Things
Wednesday: Are Social Media Breaks Effective?
Thursday: Our Cleaning Habits And Routines
Friday: Find Yourself A Hobby: How To Start Dabbling In Photography
Saturday: To be determined...
I glanced over at Derek, and and his eyes were smiling too. It had been a pretty great day, chasing our five little kids through a corn maze, trying not to let them get lost. Hitting dead end after dead end, discussing what we should do next and whether that path was really part of the maze or just a cheater path cutting through the rows. Finally spilling out of the corn into a field of pumpkins. Watching the kids run off to find the most perfect one.
The reality, though, was that Derek and I were completely exhausted last weekend, after three late nights and three days spent out of the house. Our car had broken down recently, so we have had to take two cars to get anywhere for the last week. We almost didn’t go to the corn maze, but it was our only day this month when we could.
But sitting there with our snacks in the back of the truck, I was glad we had made the effort, even when a myriad of small things might have stopped us. It was a worthy trade for the excitement in their faces, and one small declaration of the best day ever, one sweet memory made.
Small things that really aren’t small at all.
I hope you all are having a lovely Saturday!
For years I dragged myself out of the bed in the mornings, and I internally cringed any time I heard a blogger talk about the importance of "getting up before your kids". All I could think was "how?". How did all these moms manage to get up that early! I couldn't figure it out, and I resented the suggestion a little bit.
Today I wanted to talk about my current morning routine, but before I do that, I just want to say that if you have kids under the age of 2, just forget about it. Your sleep is more important right now than figuring out how to have the perfect morning routine. You just focus on staying perky through those baby years any way you need to, okay?
Sometime after Georgie turned one, and I found myself NOT pregnant with a new baby as I had been when the last several kids turned one, I decided to slowly figure out a morning routine that worked for me.
Full disclosure - it's still not a perfect morning routine. I barely manage to get up before my early-bird kids, and there are weeks (like this week) when I don't get up before them at all. It's still a work in progress, but I wanted to share how our mornings usually go. On the days when I do manage to follow our routine, it feels like the whole day goes smoother. Developing a routine is a little thing that has made a big difference for my productivity and state of mind! So here we go.
Between 6:15-6:45 - The sun starts to peek over the hills, and my internal alarm clock sounds! I leave the curtains open in the room in the spring and summer so the sun will wake me up, but I'll probably start setting an alarm clock in the winter months. I quickly wash my face and brush my teeth, get dressed, and head downstairs. I can usually squeeze in at least 15 minutes of golden coffee-and-Bible time before I start to hear the singsong voices coming from their rooms. I'm still a little too sleep deprived to get up earlier than this, but 15 minutes ahead I can manage.
7:00-7:30 - The kids are awake, and I have them make their beds and get dressed before they come downstairs. Sometimes I'll let them watch a show while I make breakfast, which is usually some variation of oatmeal (cheapest breakfast I can find, so we have it often). I empty the dishwasher while the water is boiling.
7:30-8:00 - Once breakfast is ready, they will eat while I read to the kids or do our "morning time", which includes Bible memory, catechism, and a hymn. I usually try to read from one of our Bible resources or devotions too.
8:00-8:30 - I clean up the table after breakfast, and I'll get Wyatt (4th grade) and Gwen (2nd grade) started on language arts. The big kids work on independent work and the little kids play while I go finish fixing my hair and makeup for the day.
8:30-9:00 - I come back downstairs and start Clyde's math and reading (1st grade), which usually takes 30-45 minutes. If the big kids finish language arts, I'll have them start handwriting practice or Bible workbooks until I finish with Clyde's lessons.
9:00-10:30 - Once I'm finished with Clyde's work, I'll get Wyatt started on his math since his level includes more independent work (after I explain the new concept). Then while he's doing his worksheets, I'll get Gwen started on her math. After that I'll do her phonics lesson while Wyatt moves on to his history curriculum. The little girls usually play in their rooms or outside all morning, but if I get desperate I'll put on a video for them.
10:30-11:30 - If all goes well, the kids are finished with all their individual work by 10:30 or so, and we can squeeze in reading our science book or a history read-aloud all together. The little girls join us for this too. If it's science, I usually have the kids do some sort of notebooking activity as well.
11:30 - 12:00 - Make and eat lunch! I usually either read them another book while they eat, or if I need a break from reading aloud I might clean up the house a bit before our afternoon quiet time.
And that's our weekday morning routine. The first month of the school year this was working particularly well, but the last two or three weeks our routine has been a little messier than this, and sometimes we'll need to finish up some work in the afternoon. October is a very busy time of year for us, and especially this year it has been a little crazy because of our car breaking down multiple times. But by November things should be quieter and we'll get back to a little more consistency.
My Thoughts About Morning Routines:
If you have young kids who don't sleep well, don't worry about it. Like I said above, it took me years to even feel like I could manage getting up before my kids, even for 15 minutes. The day will come when things will click and it'll work. If that's not right now, that's okay.
If you have slow mornings and like it that way, keep them! I look back in fondness now on our slow, unstructured mornings when all my kids were tiny. It was nice to wake up slowly, and meander a bit in the morning before getting our day started. We need our mornings to be structured now with more kids doing schoolwork, but if you can make your mornings slow and you're enjoying it, don't succumb to the get-up-before-your-kids pressure. Just enjoy it.
Coffee is a lifesaver. You know what really gets me up and out of bed in the morning? Coffee. Derek makes a pot in the morning, and I smell it all the way up the stairs. Just the thought of curling into my chair for a few minutes of quiet with my Bible and coffee...it's what get's me moving, honestly. I think it's perfectly acceptable to let a hot beverage be your morning motivator.
If you are feeling like your mornings aren't structured enough for your liking, start small. You don't need to be superwoman and get up an hour before daylight. Like I said, I barely make it out of bed 15 minutes before my kids a lot of days. But even that tiny little bit of time has been a game changer for me. It allows me to get my mind right before our morning really starts, and I don't feel like I'm starting the day already behind. And saving just a few minutes to pray for my kids before they come running downstairs helps me a lot in remembering my goal as a mom - to teach my kids about Jesus and lead them to Him. Having those few minutes to put that in the forefront of my mind has been wonderful for shifting my perspective and keeping me calmer when the morning craziness starts!
Do you have a regular morning routine, or are you in a slow-morning stage of life?
This post is brought to you by my brand new computer!
It has been seven years since we bought my last laptop. It had a good long run, before yesterday when it started taking 10 minutes to do whatever I asked it to do. So we went out yesterday afternoon and picked up a new computer for me.
I still had to do school with the kids this morning, so I'm just now sitting down and getting it set up.
I had a bit of a decision to make when the Mac guy asked if I wanted to transfer my data from my old laptop to my new one. On the one hand, doing a transfer is the only way to make sure I don't lose anything. On the other hand, there seemed to be something really nice about leaving all that "old" on the old laptop, and starting completely new. Kind of like a drastic digital declutter, all at once.
I decided not to transfer anything. I put some files that I thought I'd want to keep on my external hard-drive, and I'll keep them on there. I'm getting a completely fresh start with this new laptop.
The keys feel different, and the screen doesn't have any dust on it, and it feels nice just to type and have nothing freeze up on me. I hope you'll allow me a chatty, nothing sort of post today. I feel like I'm still running to catch up with the week, and I don't have anything good to say surrounding my theme for the month. So let's just chat.
A Crazy Few Days
The last few days have been crazy. Our car broke down recently, so we have been driving everywhere in two cars, and we checked out a couple new car options to see if we can find another car that we can afford that will also carry us all. So it's been a lot of driving, and a lot of late nights driving all over the place, and picking up our car from the mechanic, and running out yesterday to buy me a new laptop. To make a long story short, we are sleep-deprived and tired of driving. But we're headed out to AWANA tonight anyway, and I think I need an afternoon cup of coffee to keep me awake for it. It's that kind of week.
On the plus side, we did go to a pumpkin patch in the middle of driving all over creation, so I have some cute pictures to share whenever I get set up to edit photos on here!
A Little Library Trip
Last week we finally took a walk to our little local library, which we haven't visited since everything shut down in March. I love that tiny little library. It smells a little musty, like old paper and glue. There is a tree with pretty leaves right outside, and it blankets the ground every October. For some reason when I rent books from that library, I actually end up reading them, unlike the books I get from big library in town. The little library books just feel more worthy of being read for some reason. Anyway, I picked up The Grapes Of Wrath and a story collection from an author I've never heard of, but the first story already made me cry. I'll do a book roundup soon and share more. But I've finally given up on forcing myself to read from a list, and I'm just reading whatever strikes me fancy. I'm a chronic reader of many books at once. It's incurable.
A Trip To Montana
This weekend I am flying to Montana with my mom for my cousin's wedding. I've never flown out of state for a wedding before, so it will be an adventure. The wedding is another reason why it feels like I can't catch up this week. I haven't even had a chance to do a test-pack (necessary since I'm trying to pack everything in my "personal item" so we don't have to pay for luggage). I haven't even decided what to wear. Our flight was pushed back by a couple hours, so my mom and I have to wear our wedding outfits on the plane, because we'll basically be driving from the airport to the venue. What does one wear to be comfortable on an airplane and look good at a wedding? It's a conundrum.
It's going to be a whirlwind trip, and I wish we had a little more margin to check out Montana. But I'll probably get to sit next to my mom on the plane, and that will hopefully be a nice time to visit with her. So it'll still be good I think.
A Hairdo Dilemma
Those of you who have been around a while know that I usually have short hair, but I've been letting it grow out some this year. It's now shoulder-length, and I like that I can pull it up when I want to, though the length is still slightly awkward and not quite long enough for a bun. But I kind of hate it down right now. It just feels like so much hair. I think I'll get a trim before I decide whether to chop it or give it another few months to get a little longer.
And I think when you start rambling about whether to get a haircut, it's time to bring the post to a close. I'm sorry this doesn't quite fit with my 31 Days theme. Let's just call this is a collection of "small things", the kinds of things you might ramble about to a friend over coffee. An afternoon coffee. Because it's been that kind of week.
How's your week going?
I am not an expert on habits, but I do know that habits matter. Habits shape what I do every day - what I eat, where I go, how I speak to my family. I wanted to spend a little time considering habits on my blog this month. If there was ever a “small thing” that can make a big impact - for the good or not - habits are it.
I first became aware of what a hold that habits can have on me when I tried to break a rather addictive habit - getting coffee every time I made the drive down to town. I’d near the turn off for our mountain Starbucks, and the struggle would begin. “No,” I’d tell myself, “you don’t need a coffee.” But then I’d think about how I really wanted a coffee, and how nice it would be to have something hot to drink while I ran my errands, and I found myself turning off anyway.
Habits are hard to break, even by sheer willpower. This can be good if you’ve developed a beneficial habit, but in my experience the good habits are never as consuming as the bad habits you are trying to break. Just try NOT picking up your phone for an hour, and you’ll see what I mean.
But then I picked up a book about habits a few years ago (The Power Of Habit by Charles Duhigg), and I started to figure out why I was still doing things I was trying not to do. Learning the tricks and a little bit of the phsychology and physiology of habits can help a ton when you are trying to break a habit! I don’t remember everything I read in that book, but there is one aspect that stuck in my brain. It’s been a game changer in figuring out how to turn habits to my advantage.
That thing is habit triggers.
It turns out that most habits that we develop are connected to a trigger. My trigger for buying coffee was errand days (especially if I missed breakfast). My trigger for picking up my phone is boredom. The idea is that once you’ve figured out what your trigger is, you can either break the trigger, or change the habit that you associate with the trigger to something more beneficial.
Just knowing that tidbit about triggers and how habits are connected to them helped me a ton in breaking the “code” to my own habits. It helped me think through how I could break bad habits and develop better ones.
I’m reminding myself of this now as I consider some habits this month, good and bad, that I’d like to develop or adjust.
For example, if I know that I am going to want coffee when I run errands, I can plan ahead and bring my coffee from home, or I can find a less expensive coffee place to become my new habitual stop. Or I can leave my phone plugged into the wall during the day and carry a book around to pick up when I get that restless, bored feeling. These are just quick examples, to really be successful I probably have to evaluate my habit triggers a little more to figure out the best substitute. But it’s something I’m thinking about and working through right now.
Have you ever considered whether your habits (especially bad ones) have triggers?
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