That Time I Gave Facebook Another Chance


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If you missed part one of my giving-up-Facebook story, you can check it out here!

My break from Facebook was really healthy for me.  I honestly don't remember much about it, except that it felt like a really easy detox.  There were times when I missed Facebook a little bit, but I honestly didn't think much about it.

But there were things happening in my heart.

I know there were hurts that I was holding on to, and having a break from Facebook allowed me to let those go.

I know I learned a lot about pride through the process.  I realized one of my main reasons for resisting the break from Facebook was my pride.  I wanted to show off my life, especially to those who had hurt me in the past.  While that may be a natural desire, it was boasting, pure and simple.  I was trying to prove something to people, prove that I was worth knowing.  I was putting the opinion of people ahead of the opinion of the Lord.

Scripture tells us we shouldn't boast, except in the cross of Christ, and I knew that my desire to impress everyone on Facebook did not fit with that.  Giving up Facebook gave me the chance to get out of that habit, and it took away my avenue to keep failing in that area.

Mostly, it felt like a breath of fresh air to be off it.  I didn't have to think about what everyone else was doing.  I didn't have to feel frustrated every time I got on Facebook.  I could do my own things, develop the relationships that were important to me in person, and it surprised me how little I thought about it.

However, there did come a day when I realized that maybe it was time to give Facebook another chance.  I had been off of Facebook for almost a year, and something big happened in my life.

I got pregnant with Gwen.

That little blessing made it abundantly clear to me that Facebook did have some benefits, such as being able to announce our new addition to everyone I loved at the same time.  So after careful consideration, I created a new Facebook account.

When I decided to get back on Facebook, I created a few boundaries for myself.

For one thing, I decided not to be friends with any guys, except for those who were in my family.  It's not that there were any problems with any of the males I was friends with before, but I wondered why I had never instituted that rule for myself when I was on Facebook the first time.  The stories of marriages breaking up because of connections made on Facebook are rampant, and though I never expect that to happen to me, I wondered why I should even take the chance.  Now, most of my Facebook friends are women, and the few men that I am friends with are relatives.

For the first several months I was very strict with who I decided to add as Facebook friends.  I mainly wanted to be friends with people who I actually saw regularly in my real life, or people who I would like to be closer friends with.  I didn't see the benefit of giving a closer glimpse of my life to people who I never actually heard from outside of Facebook.  My friend list was probably about 50-60 people, and that was how I liked it.

If I felt like I was starting to get annoyed with someone's posts, or if someone was just being a little too negative or controversial for me, I just blocked their posts from my newsfeed - sometimes for just a little while, and sometimes permanently.  I knew if I was going to come back to Facebook this needed to be a safe place, and something that was going to improve my real-life relationships, not hurt them in any way.  So if blocking someone's posts would contribute to that goal, that was what I did.

When I knew that my posts would only be going out to those whom I already knew and loved, and vice versa, it was much less tempting to try to show off.  I thought more carefully about what I wanted to share.  I didn't write posts to brag so much as to just share a little bit of my daily life with people who were already close to me.  It was a much healthier way for me to do Facebook.

I was also on Facebook much less because I was out of the habit of checking it so often.

I rejoined Facebook almost two years ago, and I feel like it has stayed on a pretty even, healthy level since then.  My friend list has grown to 115 people.  I have loosened my standards a bit on accepting friend requests from people I don't know very well, mainly because I was reminded of a few people who I would not be friends with at all if it weren't for a connection that was originally strengthened by Facebook.  There are some benefits to Facebook, and this is one of them - I think if used properly, Facebook can not only enhance and strengthen existing friendships, but it can also cause friendships with certain people to form when they may never have otherwise.

My goal continues to be to keep Facebook a safe place for myself.  I have recognized that I don't have to leave my feelings at the mercy of posts on Facebook, and I give myself permission to limit it where I need to without feeling guilty (such as when I block certain posts).  Facebook can be a very useful tool, or it can cause problems in my life, and I think I am the one who decides where on that spectrum it is going to fall.

Within my boundaries, I have found there are things that I love about Facebook.

I love that it does let me keep up with friends that are not in my same state.

I love that it opens up opportunities to connect with some ladies on a more personal level, particularly when it gives me the chance to suggest a get-together that may not have otherwise happened.  It's a lot more natural to suggest getting together for coffee with someone through Facebook than through cold-calling or hunting down someone's e-mail.

I love that it allows me to share pictures with people who don't get to see my kids as often, because it has become apparent that I am ridiculously bad at sending out e-mail updates.

I love that I can announce happy news, like pregnancies, so that everyone who is important to me can know at roughly the same time.

My break allowed me to recognize the problems with my own heart that were being perpetuated by Facebook, work on them, and come back with a fresh perspective.  I feel like Facebook contributes much more positively to my life now.

So it took me 2+ years to share it, but that is the story of the time I gave up Facebook.

Have any of you ever struggled with your Facebook use?  Have any of you ever taken a break from Facebook?  What kind of boundaries do you have for yourself on Facebook?
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Alexandria Mooney said...

well I'm sure glad I found your blog and on IG!! I love seeing your pics, hearing your stories, and reading your testimonies! so yay for social media buddies! maybe one day our paths will cross in real life, and we can have a kiddo playdate :)

Kate Craig said...

I LOVE Facebook. :) Which is obvious to anyone who is friends with me. We've moved so much and I love keeping up with people. I really love seeing what all the people I went to high school with are doing, so many of them are amazing people I wish I lived closer to! It's helped me keep up with my extended family much better, too. I think I have a lot of real life acquaintance-level relationships that are strengthened by Facebook, too, because I have conversation topics! How was your trip? How is Johnny doing in kindergarten? Your bathroom reno looks so good! I don't hesitate to hide people from my news feed, and I love that I can do that without them knowing. Vulgar language, immodesty, pictures of violence or aborted babies are all gone without me hurting anyone's feelings. I've come a long way with not over sharing, and I'm still working on that. The main boundary I set for myself is to log on with the intention to encourage. Think of Facebook as another place to love on people and be a light.

amydhodge said...

I loved reading this!
I am currently not getting on Facebook at all...because of lots of struggles and things that I am not about to blame other people for- but simply things that I know that I need to work through.
Thanks for your thoughts on the issue!

Mrs. Pedersen said...

I honestly have a love/hate relationship with FB.I gave it up last year for a month, and honestly, it was so good for my soul. These days, I struggle with it on an entirely different level...I'm just so tired of immodest pictures, bad language, etc. I've thought about giving it a break again, and then starting over with a more limited approach. I like your tips! Thanks for sharing. (=

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