15 hours ago
I'm excited to share today's guest post, because it's on a topic that is really important for me right now - making that transition from a family of three to a family of four! I found Paula's blog, Hopeful Future, through a link-up, and I'm so glad I did - she has so many good things to say on her blog, and I was so happy when she said she's like to write a guest post for me on this topic! I think she has some really great tips to share, so read on and be sure to stop by her blog and say hello!
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Hi! I'm Paula a bloggy friend of Callie's! My family just made the transition from "family of 3" to "family of 4" so I'm here today to share a few tips and tricks we have learned along the way. My son "Little Man" was around 21 months old when his baby sister was born. We did as much as we could to prepare him for the big change before she got here (click here to read Paula's post about preparing her son for Baby #2), and I'm really glad we did, but it was still a big transition for the little guy so I wanted to share a few ideas that might help any one else about to make the "big transition".
1. Expect your toddler to regress back into some old habits that you thought were long gone - This is normal and natural. We had gotten past tantrums for the most part before the baby came, but after she was here a week or two he was right back at it again throwing fits! I had heard from many other mamas that this is to be expected so I was ready for it, which it much less stressful when it happened!
2. Stay consistent - As he's regressing or acting out remember that everything in the toddler's world has just changed, that can be scary for him and he will test boundaries both for attention and to see if the boundaries are still there. Stay calm and stay consistent. I tried my best to handle each outburst the exact same way I would have handled it in the past. This helped him realize that some things (like rules) are staying the same. It is MUCH harder to be consistent while tending to the needs of a newborn, but toughing it out, especially the first week, will help in the long run. There were times that I would stand next to him in time out (so he wouldn't run away) while nursing the newborn. Other times I would have to put her down in the middle of a feeding in order to address something with my son. It was tedious and felt never ending, but if you are consistent, that time period passes fairly quickly. The first week or two he would try something every time I sat down to nurse. But eventually he realized that even though my hands were full, he would still have consequences for his actions. Lesson learned, and now he only 'tries it' sometimes ;)
3.One on One time - This seems like a no-brainer but it is hard to remember to do it! I try every day to spend some time with JUST my toddler. I will put the baby in her swing in another room and focus entirely on my son. Even just 10 or 15 minutes like this do wonders for his behavior. Most of the time when he is really acting out, I realize that it's because haven't given him and 1 on 1 time yet that day and he is craving attention! I try to fix that as soon as I can (without him thinking that he gets 1 on 1 time if he's naughty!)
Something I have been doing lately that works really well for us is preparing the baby for the day before I get my son up. that way his first few moments awake and out of his room are 1 on 1 mama/son time just like it used to be. Even if we just play for 10 minutes together at the start of the day it seems to start out day out a bit happier. Even if he had to wait in his room for a bit while I got his sister nursed and diaper changed etc.
4. Try to involve the toddler in what you are doing - My son loves "helping" with his sister. bringing her pacifier or stuffed animal when she's crying etc.
Oftentimes when I'm nursing the baby I ask him to bring me a book and we will read a story together on the couch so he's not excluded. He ends up declining half the time, but he knows I'm not pushing him away ;)
5. Don't get mad when the toddler's "help" is not helpful - I can't tell you how many times my son has decided to "help" by attempting to shove a pacifier in the peacefully sleeping baby's mouth, decided to "share" something heavy with her by putting it on her little lap etc. etc. sigh. Very hard not to respond angrily, but I don't want my son to be afraid to interact with his sister, so I try hard to just steer the help in another direction, being sure to thank him for his attempted help even as I'm telling him not to do it again! I know his heart is in the right place, though it is hard to keep that in mind sometimes. Example: He likes trying to brush her hair, but that's not a great activity for him so instead of just telling him to stop touching her head I do that and then suggest that he tickle her feet, and show him how fun that can be. It makes interacting with baby safe and fun! instead of something he can get in trouble for. (he does get in trouble when he is intentionally hitting her etc. but not when he's trying to help and just doesn't know how to properly)
6. Let your toddler still be a baby - My son still loves it when I call him my baby. Every time he gets out of the tub he asks to be swaddled in a towel and rocked like a baby. Every. Single. Time. I don't take that from him because he will always be my baby, and I don't want him to think that the new baby has replaced him in any way. He may not put be able to put it into words, but when he holds his arms up to me and asks to be the "baby" I feel that's his little heart asking if I still love him just as much as I used to, he wants to be sure that my love hasn't changed. I call him "big boy" and my "little man" too, he's growing up fast but I didn't force him to be called a big boy 24/7 just because there is a new baby around.
7. Be ready for melt downs - It amazes me how often they have synchronized melt downs. In fact, if you come by my house at 5pm most days you will be able to witness it! My only advice would be to make sure you are mentally and emotionally prepared for this (it can be a tad draining)! Remember that kiddos fussing doesn't mean you are a bad mama! We have all been there (or we will be at some point). try to remain as calm as you can and deal with whoever's need is more urgent, or most easily fixed. Example: baby girl is screaming because she's hungry, and Little Man wants me to cut up an apple for him. I will usually get the apple first because then he will be calm while I feed his sister (The longer task)... sometimes there are no easy fixes and that's one of those nights when you count the minutes til daddy comes home to help! Don't worry not every day is like that! (sidenote: I always try to text my hubby and warn him if we're having one of those days, so he comes in prepared to help out!)
8. Invest in a sling or carrier for the baby - I'm using my ERGO baby carrier way more this time around! I use it at the park so I can chase after my son if need be. I use it when we go grocery shopping because I can't fit both of them in the cart until she is sitting up I use it on walks when I don't want to get the huge double stroller out etc. I didn't think a carrier would be as essential to my life as my ERGO has become. I wore it maybe a dozen times with my son, never really liked it. Now, I wear it multiple times a week. If you don't have one, register for one asap! ;)
Growing to a family of four has, overall, been easier than I was expecting! The main difference is that I am more confident as a mother. I'm not paranoid and stressed all the time, and that has made a HUGE difference. The second thing that makes it easier is that my husband and I have been through it together once already, we know the stresses a new baby put on marriage, and we know how to communicate our needs to each other, and to be patient with one another as we go through the exhausting newborn stage again. We also know how intentional we have to be about spending husband and wife time together talking or playing board games etc. AND giving each other a couple kid-free hours every week. These changes have made all the difference in the world!
It is hard, and stressful, but it is wonderful and amazing too! :) I love having two kids, "easy" is no longer a word in my vocabulary, because EVERYTHING takes more time, effort and planning now, but it's so worth it.
I know there is no one size fits all for every family, so these are just a few tips and ideas that helped our transition from 1 baby to 2 go as smooth as possible. I hope some of them help you too!
<3 paula
Kate was one of my first blog friends when I started blogging back in the day , and I was so happy when she agreed to guest post for me while I'm on vacation! I always enjoy reading her blog, Beautiful and Broken, and it's been fun to foliow each other as our families have both grown! Today she has a great post for me on tips that have helped her as her husband has been deployed, and there is a lot of wisdom here not only for military families but for everyone! Read on and be sure to stop by Kate's blog to say hello too!
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Hi Readers! My name is Kate, my husband is Josh and we have a 10 month old, Kylie.
Josh has been in the Air Force for almost 4 years and he just left for a few months to train into a new career field. People always want to know "how do you survive?" When I sat down and thought about it, I realized that the secret to surviving separation is the same secret to life in general - trust God and live according to His will. So here are my tips on surviving military life - but they are Biblical principles that can apply to anyone's life!
- See your life as a calling and take pride in it (the good kind of pride). This is a little easier for me because Josh enlisted after we got married, so we made the decision together. What started as his desire to have a meaningful career became a conviction for both of us. Who better to serve in the military than a couple whose marriage is held together by the Holy Spirit? Of course, it's easy for us to be proud of serving our country. But wherever God has put you, find a way to take pride in it and enjoy it, and I promise the difficulties will be so much easier to handle. "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:15,17 (NIV)
- Count your blessings. I have a friend whose husband joined the Army when Josh joined the Air Force (less than 4 years ago). He has had two different year-long deployments and they've moved twice. They have a three year old. In WWII men left and didn't come back until the war was over. Women just a little older than I didn't have internet and had to use snail mail to contact their husbands. Josh's mom was just telling me that she got two 5 minute phone calls when his dad was deployed. I emailed and texted Josh 5 times the first day he was gone with little things I wanted to tell him. When I get scared that Kylie is going to forget him, I remember to be thankful that she can see his face on the computer every day. (by the way, when we Skyped for the first time she was fascinated. She was much more interested in him than Grammy and Papa - sorry, Mom)
- Watch your pride (the bad kind of pride). Instead of taking pride in what you do, it's easy to slip into being overly proud of yourself for doing it. And it's a small jump from "look at how independent and flexible I am" to "this isn't fair and I deserve better than this." I have had a number of Facebook friends write posts when their husbands are out of town that say "I could never handle being a single mom or military wife." And I always laugh a little because of course they could. They are no different from me. Being a military wife is a perfect example of "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:13 (NIV) You don't think about if you can do it, you just know that you need to and trust that God will get you through.
- Love your husband. I know, OBVIOUS. But a time of separation can actually be a good thing for your marriage! When Josh went to basic training and tech school the first time, I felt like I fell in love with him all over again. Use this time to forget that he leaves dishes in the living room or tracks dirt into the kitchen and remember all the reasons you love him. He has the harder end of the deal because you get to stay home with your family and friends. So focus on encouraging him instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Call your mom or best friend if you need to vent about your day so you can be sweet when he calls, instead of making him feel bad for leaving you all alone.
And overall, try to thrive instead of just survive! Grow your marriage and grow yourself.
Thanks for having me, Callie!
The Scent of Rain by Kristin Billerbeck is a Christian chic-lit novel about a girl named Daphne. Daphne is a perfumer and professional "nose", who is left at the altar. She finds herself alone and stuck with a job in Ohio that she took in order to start her new life with her now ex-fiance. As if that wasn't bad enough she loses her sense of smell and is unable to do this new job, but she has no where else to go so she heads to Ohio, hoping her sense of smell will return before she actually has to start any work. Her new boss is a handsome widower . . . and that's all I'll say to avoid spoiling the book, but I'm sure you can guess the rest!
I actually really enjoyed this book. The characters were likable, and even though not a lot actually happened in the book, it kept me wanting to read it. I've read other books by Billerbeck, and this is probably one of my favorites from her.
I have to say that I felt like some of the conversations and the flow of the plot were a bit confusing. Some of the details that could have been a bit more dramatic or added more of a mystery to the plot seemed to just be mentioned in passing. I felt there was more potential there that wasn't tapped.
That said, Billerbeck writes chic-lit, not mysteries, and as chic-lit, I liked this one. It was a light, enjoyable read. Nothing too deep or suspenseful, and it met all my expectations in a pleasant way. It was one of those books that you can pick up and enjoy and that you look forward to reading, but that is also easy to put down while you do other things - a good beach or vacation read. Or a good mom-of-a-toddler-who doesn't-give-her much-time-to-read read. Whichever the case may be!
Note: I received this book for free from the publisher through their Booksneeze program in exchange for this review. This is my honest opinion.
The other day Wyatt was taking a nap, and I decided to turn on the TV to see what was on. And for those of you who have been reading for a while, yes, we got cable back! It was really good to take a break from it for a year, and we probably will take another break in the future - but there is so much going on this year, like the Olympics and the election, and we decided to get cable again for now.
Anyway, I came across this show about women who hide their pregnancies, so I decided to see what it was all about. But one of the stories stood out.
One of the girls on the show decided to hide her pregnancy because a few months before she had a son that was stillborn. And when she shared this heartbreaking news on Facebook, hoping for some support, she got a grand total of 6 responses. Out of 300 Facebook friends.
I found that to be so sad, and I honestly didn't blame her a bit for not wanting to share the happy news of her pregnancy after getting no support from her "friends" on Facebook or in real life. I'm not sure I would want to share anything for a while after something like that either.
And it got me thinking - is this what the world is coming to? A place where people can't muster up the energy (or even just the courtesy) to reach outside of Facebook in the face of a tragedy? Worse than that, that these people couldn't even reach out properly within the confines of Facebook? I find that so disturbing.
One thing that I dislike about Facebook is the fact that it does promote apathy when it comes to friendships. It's one of the reasons I took a Facebook break not long ago, and why I limit what I share on it now. I don't like the thought of someone just checking my Facebook page to see what I've been doing when they could call or e-mail me directly. If they want to feel like they are interacting with me, the only effort they have to put out is one click on the "Like" button.
I think it creates a false sense of friendship, one where someone can get all the benefits of knowing what is going on with their "friend" without having to put out any actual effort to find out. Where they can feel like they are being a "friend" to someone without doing anything but clicking a couple times and hitting a few keys.
Obviously there are exceptions to this, like in the blogging world (all of our interaction is online by necessity!), or in the case of people who combine Facebook interaction with real life interaction, which I think is good.
But it is not fine to see something so tragic happen to your friend and comment on Facebook but never follow up with them in real life to see how they are doing. It is not fine to see an announcement of something so tragic and be so lazy in your friendship that you can't even take the time to type out an "I'm so sorry."
That is not okay. That is not a friendship. And it frustrates me that someone could have the nerve to call themselves a friend to someone when they can't even be there, in the flesh, when they are needed most.
At the end of the show this girl reconnects with her friends, tells them the truth, and it appears that these friendships are on the road to healing after that. And I'm sure they probably did reach some level of trust again. But I don't think those people can ever reach the level in their friendship with this girl that they could have reached if they had just been there for her in the face of tragedy. They've forever missed that chance. And that is sad.
I guess I say all this to remind you (and me) to take the time to be an outside-of-Facebook friend to someone this week. Because the people who can reach outside of social media to touch someone else are the ones that are the true gems in the midst of all the people that social networks call our "friends".
I don't want to just be a digital version of someone's "friend". I want to be a supportive-on-social-media-and-in-real-life, all-in, gem of a friend to someone.
I want to be a friend worth having.
When we planned our second gender reveal party we decided it would be good to include a few games again - just because not everyone knew each other, and games make everything more fun right? Right. We like to include games at parties in our family.
I came up with a few games for our first gender reveal, but I wanted to come up with some new ones for this party. Here are the new games we came up with!
First things first . . .
Split Up The Teams
It's a lot easier to make any game fit in with your gender reveal party if you make the games about "Team Boy" vs. "Team Girl". We had everyone pin on a bow or tie depending on what their guess was on the gender of our baby, and then teams were then formed!
Old Wive's Tale Quiz
I found a list of Old Wive's Tales that had to do with the gender of the baby, and I turned them into a quiz. Then I printed up multiple copies and had all the guests take the quiz testing their knowledge on the Old Wives' Tales!
If you would like to use the old wives' tale quiz I created, you can click the link above to view and print the document! If you use my quiz and write a blog about your party, please make sure to link back here! And leave a comment too because I'd love to check out your post. Thank you!
If you would like to use the old wives' tale quiz I created, you can click the link above to view and print the document! If you use my quiz and write a blog about your party, please make sure to link back here! And leave a comment too because I'd love to check out your post. Thank you!
I also included a sheet of paper that told how my pregnancies fit into the Old Wives Tales - but without revealing the answers to the questions. So for example, one of the questions was
"You are having a boy if your cravings are . . .
A. Sweet B. Sour/Salty"
So on the sheet on my pregnancy I just said:
"Sweet or Salty/Sour Cravings?
1st pregnancy: Salty/Sour
This pregnancy: Callie has been craving both."
It doesn't give away the answer, it just tells how I fit into the Old Wive's Tales on gender (and my pregnancies didn't necessarily fit nicely with all the Old Wive's tales, so it could also add an extra challenge in that way).
I think it was fun for everyone to be able to check the sheet on my pregnancy, not only for the quiz, but also to give them clues when they were guessing the gender (though I think most of the guests came with their guess already in mind)!
My mom won the Old Wive's Tale quiz, and I made sure to have a prize ready - games are just more fun if there are prizes. I kept it simple this time and just did a gift bag with Sugar Babies and Yankee votive candles in the "Soft Blanket" and "Vanilla Cupcake" scents (which I thought fit nicely with the baby theme). If a guy won I just told him to give the candles to his wife/mother!
Last time we did Starbucks gift cards for five dollars as prizes, which were a big hit as well, so you can just pick any prize that you think people would like and that fits into your budget!
Group Quiz
We did a group quiz as well, and I did a little research on baby stats and made a quiz on them - ex. What is the most popular month/day of the week for babies to be born, states with highest and lowest birth rates, when someone may be more/less likely to have a boy/girl etc.
Here are the sources where I got my information so you can make up your own questions:
(Note: The stats in that last article are mostly for the year 2010, which were the latest stats available at the time I made the quiz - for more recent statistics, try googling "birth statistics" and whatever year you are looking for.)
If you are interested in seeing the questions I used, you can click the link below to view and download the quiz! If you print this for a party just print it in black and white so the answers don't show!
However, please note that these questions are based on the statistics in the year 2012 - by the year 2013 the statistics I used to create this quiz will no longer be accurate. But you can get ideas from my quiz on how to form your own questions with currents stats.
However, please note that these questions are based on the statistics in the year 2012 - by the year 2013 the statistics I used to create this quiz will no longer be accurate. But you can get ideas from my quiz on how to form your own questions with currents stats.
We had the teams split up into "Team Boy" and "Team Girl" again and fill out the quiz as a team. Then I told the answers and the team with the most right answers won! We actually had a tie, so we had to flip a coin and Team Blue won the coin toss.
I think it's nice to include a little prize for these group games too, just to make it more fun, so we bought a big bag of mini candy bars and handed them out as prizes.
This would be a nice way to include the He/She Hershey bars like we did last time, but we ran out of time to make those this time so we just bought a variety bag! But here are the He/She candy bars as an example of what you could use as prizes:
Football/Baseball Throwing Game
Like I said earlier, you can almost make anything a game if you go the "Team Boy vs. Team Girl" route. We wanted to include a game that was a little more active and that the men would like, so my husband hung a tire on one of the trees out front, and we had a football/baseball throwing competition!
(Ignore our old truck in the background.)
We gave each person three throws, and then we kept score for Team Girl and Team Boy. You could also make this game a bit more casual and just let people mingle and do their three throws throughout the party.
If the teams are uneven (and they probably will be), you can either have each team pick three players to compete, or you can let everyone throw and then divide the total points by the number of team members and declare the team with the best average score as the winners! We gave everyone on the winning team mini candy bars again as a prize to make it a bit more fun.
Gender Revealing Scavenger Hunt!
For the big reveal we decided to do a scavenger hunt, so it added another game for our party! I grabbed a book of nursery rhymes and turned them into "clues" for different hiding places around our house. I tried to emphasize the key phrases in the nursery rhymes by making the words bigger or a different color.
First Clue:
This led the guests to our water spigot at the back of our house - we tucked the envelope behind a pipe on the side of our house right next to the faucet!
Second Clue:
For this clue we hid the envelope literally "on the wall" by tacking it up on the wall behind the towels in our bathroom. This ended up being one of the hardest envelopes for the guests to find!
Third Clue:
I was originally just going to stick the envelope in the oven for this clue and make it easy, but since we were using the oven to keep some of the food warm I ended up hiding it in the drawer underneath the oven instead, which made it a little harder.
Fourth Clue:
We tacked the next envelope onto one of the trees on our property! This one could have been really hard if we wanted it to be, since we have a ton of trees around our house, but we set boundaries for the clues to make it a little easier.
Final Clue:
This final clue led to a package that held the answer as to whether we were having a boy or a girl! We hid the package in our wood stack!
The person who found the package was given a prize (the same gift bag that I mentioned earlier), and we also let him open the package to reveal it to everyone!
And it's a GIRL!
Voting Board/Guessing Right
We did this last time too, but I thought I'd include it in this post as well. We decided to give everyone a prize for guessing the right gender, so in that way guessing correctly became a sort of game! We bought full-sized candy bars and made sure we'd have enough in case the teams were split unevenly (which they were - a good 75% of our guests thought we were having a girl). I think it makes it more fun to come to a gender reveal if there is a little reward for guessing the right gender!
And those are the games we played at our second gender reveal party! All the games turned out well, and everyone seemed to have fun with them - which is really the point in including games in the first place!
If you want to see more gender reveal party game ideas, check out the games we did for our first gender reveal party as well!
This was the second gender reveal party that we have thrown (click here to check out our first gender reveal party), and I was pretty happy with the way it went! We decided to make it a sort of end-of-summer barbecue/gender reveal party, but I still wanted to do some of the fun little gender reveal details.
We had a voting board and little tags that people could wear according to their guesses - blue ties for boys and purple bows for girls. I stuck with the blue/purple color scheme from our invitations for all my decorations, and I think it tied everything together well.
Derek and I painstakingly traced and cut out each of those ties and bows, but I have to give full props to Derek for the way he drew the lines on them - I think that detail definitely made them look finished and intentional! I didn't know my hubby was so artistic. I also made up a sheet that explained the differences between my first and second pregnancies, pretty similar to the info I posted in my Old Wive's Tale post!
It just so happened that all my cravings this time around fit in nicely with a barbecue menu, so we served some of the items that I craved during this pregnancy! I made a little card so the guests could see everything I craved and make an educated guess as to whether it was a boy or a girl.
I didn't get pictures of all of our guests (even though I tried!), but here are a few with people that I suspect won't mind being shown on the blog!
First row: My mom and sister and aunt and cousin (and me of course)!
Second row: My friend Danae and our baby bumps!
Third row: My friend, Ashley, and me!
My little guy did great, and got passed around all over the place!
My sister with my son on the left, me and him on the right:
We did a few different games, which I'm going to cover in a separate post, but here are the teams (Team Boy and Team Girl) discussing their answers for one of the group games:
For the big reveal we decided to do a scavenger hunt! I made up clues based on nursery rhymes, and the final clue led to a package that would reveal the gender. It started to sprinkle so we had to hurry through the outside clues a bit, but I think it turned out well!
1. Derek and I read the first clue.
2. Ashley's husband found one of the clues.
3. Danae's husband found the final package, and opened it . . .
And it's a girl!
We are so thrilled and excited to be expecting our first daughter!
After we revealed the gender we served blueberry and strawberry cheesecake for dessert (cheesecake was another one of my cravings)! Then we got a chance to visit with everyone and enjoy the rest of the party, which was nice.
Scott and Danae also ignored the clear instructions on our invitation to not bring presents. But we kind of ignored the clear instructions not to bring a present to their gender reveal party too, so I guess they get a pass!
Honestly, it was so sweet of them to bring us a little gift, and when I opened it, I wanted to cry. . .
Danae knows what it is to wait for a little one, and she knows what we went through to get this sweet baby, so the onesie was perfect and really touched my heart. We are so humbled and excited that God blessed us with this little (girl!) miracle!
I'll do a post tomorrow with more details on the games we did for our second gender reveal party (they aren't the same gender reveal party games that we did last time), so check back then!
. . . and spice, and everything nice!
We're having a sweet baby GIRL! We are so happy and excited!
More details on the gender reveal party to follow!
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