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Despite growing up a full-on Alabama Southern Belle, I never fantasized about my future wedding or played with baby dolls. I grew up with boy cousins and preferred to play outdoors. In my teens, I opted for waitress and desk jobs over babysitting. The thought of really getting married one day never entered my mind until I became serious about my husband in college.
I loved children, but not babies. This became more evident as years passed and all my friends started having babies. I relied on the Boppy® pillow to help me cradle the fragile life that was plopped in my lap whenever I visited a new mom. The scared and awkward look on my face revealed to my friend (and all of social media) that I was not comfortable with a newborn.
I never used to consider myself a creative person. I am more facts/logic oriented naturally, and I didn't think I had many creative talents. However, after I started this blog so many years ago I realized that I do have a creative side, and it's fun to bring it out! The trick is (1) finding the right outlet, and (2) finding the time.
Finding the time can be especially tricky in certain seasons of life - like now, when I have so many little ones running around. Different seasons bring with them their own creative challenges to overcome, but I think it is healthy and right to still try to find time to use the gifts and talents that God has given us. It can be beneficial to our own mental health, and we can and should use our creative gifts to bring glory to the Lord.
In busy seasons of life it takes a bit more effort to find time to be creative, and it always takes intentionality and (ironically) creativity to not just use our creative time in a selfish way, but to make it a blessing to those around us. That is another post in itself, but today I want to talk about finding time to work in some creativity in the midst of busy seasons. There are a few things that I try to do to make sure I have the motivation to use my windows of creative opportunity wisely.
Your Husband Isn't Your College Roommate (And 4 Other Things I Never Knew About Marriage) | A Guest Post
Cards on the table: I don’t write this post as a sage, old, married woman. My husband and I are inching closer to our three year anniversary; a lifetime to go and countless lessons more to learn. Even still, if you’ve been married for over 24 hours you’ll know that this sacred union isn’t easy. Sometimes it’s downright hard. Difficult. Devastating. Sometimes marriage drives you to consuming a tub of ice cream alone on your couch, watching Love, Actually and wondering, “Why doesn’t he act like that?” (A purely hypothetical situation, you understand.)
When I saw the book Abolishing Abortion: How You Can Play A Part In Ending The Greatest Evil Of Our Day by Rev. Frank Pavone, I knew I had to read it, especially in light of everything that has happened with the pro-life movement this year. It is my biggest prayer for this country that abortion will come to an end, and I of course want to play a part!
I like to think of myself as a "life long learner". That phrase was first introduced to me in a 100 level education class when I was a freshman at Wheaton College. I have always love learning - and the more I learn the more I realize I have yet to learn. So, when I became a mom a little over a year ago, I knew that there were lots of things I was going to be learning. One area I was surprised that I needed to learn about was friendship. I thought I had the making-and-maintaining-friendships thing down pretty good...but it turns out that there were a few things I needed to learn and re-learn during this past year.
Things I never knew about friendship...
Some Christian books are classics - books that are helpful to any generation in pointing them to Christ. I had heard of Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas before, and it has been on my to-read list for years - it is one of those books that seemed to fall in the Christian "classic" category. I was surprised to see it come up for review, and more surprised to learn that it really isn't even that old of a book!
It has been 15 years since Sacred Marriage was first published, and I received the new edition that was published this year. The book starts out lamenting the fact that a lot of the traditional spiritual disciplines that have been encouraged through the centuries are more suited to people who do not have family responsibilities - things like extended periods of prayer, meditation, and Bible study that are not really possible when you are working to support a family or have children to care for. I never really thought about it that way, but I realized that he has a point.
There was a time, back when I had one young, easygoing child, when I used to look at other moms who were having a rough day, and I'm going to admit it right now - I was judgy. Someone would complain about something their kids did, or I'd see a mom being snippy to her kids in the grocery store, and I'd wonder what her problem was. Didn't she see what a blessing motherhood was? Of course I would never act that way. I would always treat every minute with my babies as a gift.
Then right about the time my angel child turned two, we added a second baby to the mix, and I started being a little more understanding.
Then the Lord laughed and gave me another baby 16 months later, and now I totally get it (classic case of a "haughty spirit before a fall" - Proverbs 16:18, which I memorized when I was a child, so you think I would know better). Some days don't go as planned, children don't listen, the exhaustion catches up to you, and you act in ways that you will probably regret after the kids go to bed.
If you haven't had one of those rough motherhood moments, you probably just haven't been a mother long enough.
Every mom needs a do-over sometimes.
A blog friend, Lisa Pennington who I met last year in Nashville, has written a book titled Mama Needs A Do-Over that addresses those rough mom days and what to do about them. The subtitle is "Simple Steps To Turning A Hard Day Around", and I feel like that subtitle almost doesn't do the book justice, because really this book is about not just what to do in the midst of a hard day, but how to minimize those hard days to begin with.
When I started this book, I was expecting a bunch of practical ideas to do in the midst of a hard day to cheer things up - and Lisa does include lots of fun ideas in the second half of the book. But I was pleasantly surprised at the first half of the book, which is mostly focused on how to get to know your own personality better so you can see ways that you can prevent those hard days from happening as often or as severely. Lisa encourages moms to use their talents and gifts to find creative solutions to mothering problems, and to prepare a plan in advance on how to handle those difficult days.
I feel like this book really lets you get to know Lisa, and she is quirky and fun! She includes stories from her own family, so many of which made me laugh. She knows what she is writing about as a homeschooling mom of nine kids (yes, nine), and I thought she sprinkled her lessons throughout this book in a really fun way. I love how she uses the book to point readers back to their own God-given gifts and prayer to handle those hard moments with grace, and it left me brainstorming on ways that I can handle frustrating moments in my own unique way that will build my children and husband up instead of adding to the chaos.
Mama Needs A Do-Over was especially timely for me. This pregnancy has messed with my emotions more than I expected, and I find myself crying over silly things or losing my temper more often than I'd like. This builds on the last two years of learning that I do not have it all together as a mom - which was a hard realization because of those first couple years of motherhood when I thought I did have it together. I don't handle every situation properly, I have much less patience than I thought I did, and I make plenty of mothering mistakes.
It has been humbling, and more than anything, it has made me realize that I need God's help to be a good mom. I need His help to remember to be grateful. If I rely only on my own resources and willpower, it is only a matter of time before something breaks me down. I shouldn't count on my own flawed abilities to begin with when I can look to the only One who is perfect for help.
I've also learned to give other moms grace, even when they don't handle something quite right - because I don't know what she's going through, and I have my own list of difficulties that I don't always handle gracefully! For pity's sake, let's not judge other mom's struggles when hers look nothing like our own. God gives His children grace when we fail, and I've learned I need to do the same for other moms, and myself. We're all works in progress, and Lisa's book was such an encouragement to me to know I am not alone.
So if your child is screaming in the grocery store, and you get that look on your face? Don't worry, I get it now, and I'll just nod as I pass by and say a little prayer for you.
What is your best tip for handling mothering frustrations with grace?
Note: I received a copy of Mama Needs A Do-Over for free from Lisa's publisher, and I have met the author personally. This is my honest opinion.
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